Am i the only one who gets even more dysphoric when looking at other trans guys?
There are plenty of trans men who pass and pass well. And maybe im just not looking hard enough or something. Passing isnt what im getting at here though, i already pass quite well which im grateful for. Really, what i want out of posting this is to be proven wrong somehow. Any time I get very dysphoric, like I have been recently, I try to go and find other trans men who look like how I want to look, to give myself hope that my ideals are actually achievable. Specifically having a dimorphically masculine face as a trans man. But I can never find any, even when looking at trans man models or something, and it tears me to pieces.
I never see any trans men with the body type id like to have, even the clavicles of the best looking gymrat trans men are always too short and offputting compared to cis men, it makes me not want to even try if thats what ill look like. i never see any trans men whos faces are as masculine as i want to be, and whenever i see posts that are meant to be hopeful or showing that it *is* possible, I just feel worse, because its always someone who is either just old, balding, or has a big beard, and their facial structure when isolated is still very feminine when compared to cis men. I dont want to have to compensate for the forced feminization of my face with other features.
really eats me alive thinking ill never be *equally* as masculine looking, as a masculine cis man, and that at best ill be masculine *for a trans guy*. People tell me not to compare myself to cis people, but I simply cant, not when I know that this is the best I can hope for and that I still wont be satisfied. I know most cis people have some mix of masculine and feminine features, but I know for a fact that if I had been born correctly I *wouldn't*, and that gap between what I *should've* looked like and what im actually capable of reaching with hrt is what kills me. Im at the crossroads of just repressing over this discrepancy. In a way I hope I am the only one who feels this way but it would be nice to relate to another person if I werent.