u/truckstoptrashcan

My husband is my Q and he recently relapsed after recovery from a huge relapse last year. After his last IOP he didn't keep up with meetings or take other preventative measures and due to his half medicated bipolar disorder and negative side effects from an anti psychotic that was supposed to help he found himself back at the gas station buying his current DOC. A week and a half later I found out after money from our joint account was disappearing in mysterious ways. He spent the four days after being caught saying he would detox at home and then finding ways to take money, sell things, and continue using. I couldn't take it after the last day and told him he had to leave in order to try and salvage what's left of our marriage.

He's been gone a week and he is depressed and heartbroken. He's mad at himself but also upset with me. We talked earlier in the week about how, yes, addiction is a disease but it's a treatable one that can be maintained using preventative measures. But yesterday he said, "I'm having an incredibly hard time emotionally and none of this really feels sensitive to the fact that I have a disease. I feel like I'm being guilt tripped for having a disease and being sick."

I truly empathize that his brain works differently when it comes to drugs and that it is a disease. But i feel like he's skirting the responsibility that he has in unlocking that once again.

How have you all navigated these emotions?

I recently asked my husband to leave after his latest relapse. He has a history of using before we got together. Had a slip early on, then started using 7OH and developed a big problem for about a year. He was sober for 5 months before he relapsed again. It wasn't the relapsing as much as the hiding and lying and stealing he was doing to maintain this addiction. We had four days of trying to get sober and relapsing each day until I told him he had to leave and go get himself right before you come back to our family. And now I am sitting here thinking about whether or not that's ever going to be a possibility. He seems really committed to getting better and figuring out how to stay sober and be healthy not just for our family but mostly for himself. He's saying all the right things, he seems to be doing the right things, but even thinking back for a relationship there's lots of things related to his mental health and his addiction that might be more than what I should have handled and what I could handle.

With all that background in mind, I'm wondering if anybody has a significant other that they took back after leaving and if they end up staying sober. I'm afraid if he came back he would immediately relapse.

tll:dr: Did you Q stay sober?

My husband developed a problem with synthetic gas station tablets after being clean for over 5 years. He struggled with it on and off for a year until it came to a head in December and I caught him in a ton of lies. He went to detox and then did IOP but didn't stay up with his group after he graduated the program. He was doing well until a week and a half ago when he randomly decided to use again. His mental illness had him in a bad headspace but instead of reaching out for help he went straight to drugs. This led to lots of lying, deflection, gaslighting, and finally me finding out. At first I was ready and willing to jump in and support through detox. I asked if he was truly ready and of course he said yes. But instead of being actually ready, he stole my credit card and bought a bunch more. I found out this morning and was so angry. Not about the relapse but the lying. It's his go to for anything and he is good at it. He said he was going to leave and I was done. Said whatever he wants to do. But over the day he changed his mind. We talked and he is promising he'll do better. I don't know how to trust and believe him. He is my best friend and a good father and I am losing him to this. I told him my boundaries about lying and he agreed. How do you get through something like this?