r/naranon

My spouse was an alcoholic for years, fought me tooth and nails. Involved our kids…finally got sober, finally bi went to counseling…but I was never a part of her counseling. So suddenly it became “wait I don’t have an addiction”…”I just have a bad coping mechanism because of him”…and next thing you know KRATOM. It has destroyed our lives over the past year. She’s a shell of a person to me and my daughter…but is bubbly and fun to her friends…because I stand in the way of the addiction. Finding dozens of kratom cans and now alcohol around the house…in the kids rooms…every single day more of it. I’m now out of the house…and she leaves for a week today and won’t be able to take kratom. So I messaged her hey good luck this week, if you need anything I’ll be here, just take care of yourself.

The response:
I’m not addicted to kratom, im not an alcoholic. I’m
Just tired of pretending I’m ok. Tired of being manipulated or verbally abused or used as a sex doll and then humiliated.

WTF … I know I’m enemy #1 but this just kills you no matter how many times it happens.

Hi everyone, first time posting here. My father stayed with me over the weekend, and he’s been acting really strangely the entire time. He hasn’t been sleeping, and to me it seems very clear that he’s on some kind of substance. Every time I’ve asked if he’s okay or if something’s going on, he insists that nothing’s wrong and that he’s just his usual self.

He’s currently out to lunch with my sister, and while he was gone I found a small pouch in my laundry with something inside that I’m struggling to identify. I have a pretty strong idea of what it might be, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

Is there anyone I could message to help identify it? I don’t want to upset or trigger anyone by posting a photo publicly, but I’m genuinely sitting here bawling my eyes out. I feel sick, I don’t know what to do, and I have no idea how to even begin addressing this.

My husband has been smoking crack several times a week for the last few months. He realizes he has a problem but instead of doing something about it, he continues to use.

He will only be sexual with me when he smokes. If I initiate or ask on a day he’s not high- he wants nothing to do with me. Not only is the drug use taking a toll on our marriage, but I feel unwanted and am struggling with feelings of not being good enough.

When he smokes, he watches porn as well. So I feel like I’m being used for him to get off from being horny from drugs and porn.

I feel like I’m only useful to him when he’s high. otherwise there is barely any intimacy between us.

I can’t believe this is my life.

My now ex & I were together for almost 5 years. We lived together for about a year & a half. The relationship was amazing in the beginning as they usually are but over time I came to discover that he had a substance abuse issue. I didn’t know until about 2 years in & by then I deeply loved him so I didn’t want to leave him. I thought I could handle it & support him through his recovery. After a pretty awful few months he did eventually get sober & I naively believed it meant it was in the past. Well plot twist it wasn’t. He would be sober for a few months then relapse, we’d have an awful few months then he’d get sober again. He would never go to rehab because he believed he didn’t need to. He would just wake up one day & just decide to stop. He also never went back to the same substance once he stopped. It started with pills then he stopped. Then it was drinking. He stopped. Then it was coke then he stopped.

This most recent time it was 7OH. For whatever reason the 7OH really changed him. He used to be so sweet & kind. He was the most generous & giving person I knew. When he was drunk or high he wasn’t a prince by any means but he wasn’t cruel or malicious &!overall when he was sober he was amazing. When he started the 7OH he became mean. Everything bothered him, he was very erratic. You couldn’t predict what would set him off into a rage or what would make him spiral into a depression. Something as small as a parking ticket could make him unravel. & he was just nasty. When we would fight he would call me vile things & I would cry & he would look at me with disgust. Sometimes he would just leave, others he’d scream that he doesn’t care if I cry. I wanted to leave & we did break up a few times but he would always get sober & promise me he was better. I would make boundaries & stuff & it would be great for a while but it would always get bad again.

This most recent time took a lot out of me. I helped him through withdrawals. I had to clean throw up & get him water & stuff cause he would shake & vomit so much he would be dehydrated. I drove him to work when he crashed his because he was driving while withdrawing. We lived together & I paid everything because all his money went to 7OH. At the time that his problem with the 7OH was discovered I was in school full time & not working. I received unemployment but it wasn’t enough to support us. He agreed to pay a bigger bulk of the bills so I could focus on school. I eventually had to drop out because things got so bad. He had been sober 3 days before relapsing again. At that point I told him I couldn’t do this again & he needed to go to rehab. He said no so I told him to leave. He moved out & back to his parents.

I did what I had to do & the bills were paid. He didn’t go to rehab & there were some rough days but as cold as it sounds it wasn’t my problem. He dealt with it the way he did in the past. He is sober now & in the process of starting therapy etc. He did not move back In because I was firm on not wanting him to return until he was truly sober & in a real program. In the past he never got professional help, he just “ dealt with it” himself. I got a new job as well so on paper things were on an upwards curve. I was hopeful that things would finally get better. But he’s still just rude. During the time he moved back to his moms our anniversary passed & we didn’t celebrate. He’s very quick to get mad still & still very emotional. I understand that’s common after getting clean so I tried to be patient.

Sorry I know that was a lot but I had to explain the background so I don’t sound crazy. A few days ago we were on the phone discussing our plans for this weekend. I asked him if he wanted to do anything for the 4th. He was immediately confused & asked why. I told him his mom was going to a family members house for a BBQ but I knew he wouldn’t like it so I suggested we do something else. He didn’t seem to understand so I said it again. He basically ignored me & went to tell his mom that he doesn’t want to go to the family bbq. When he came back to the phone he said his mom is okay with him not coming but I can go with her. I was frustrated because I specifically asked if he wanted to do something together. He got annoyed & said I didn’t say that. I yet again repeated what I said. He said okay we can do something & asked what I would want to do. I said I just want to watch fireworks. He agreed but got an attitude & ranted about how he doesn’t like holidays & this kinda stuff is stupid. Idk why but in that moment I was just done. So I got an attitude & said that I’ve always loved fireworks. Anything with lights & things of that nature are my favorite activities. I told him after all this time you’d think he’d know that. He said he did know that but that it’s not his thing. I specifically asked if he dislikes fireworks & he said no he likes them it just doesn’t occur to him to seek them out. I got more annoyed & said something along the lines of “ okay but your girlfriend likes them. So why doesn’t it occur to you to do something with me that I would love” this just escalated into us arguing. him saying he has no problem taking me if I wanna go, & me saying I shouldn’t have to ask him to take me to something he knows I would like & will be everywhere around us because of the holiday. & him going out of his way to tell me he thinks it’s dumb to wanna go is just rude. I didn’t want to talk anymore so I hung up.

The next day I kinda thought I would have forgotten about it but I was still really upset. Not about the fireworks but that he doesn’t think to take me. I felt like it’s 1 thing for him to forget about the holiday & not make plans. I’m not angry that he didn’t ask me or something like that. I just think that in this situation me mentioning the 4th & wanting to see the fireworks shouldn’t of received any push back. He shouldn’t have felt the need to say “ I think the holiday & the activities are dumb but yes I’ll take you”. He texted me & said sorry but I ended things. I told him that I loved him but given how much I’ve sacrificed for him these past few months & how much we’ve gone through, the premise of taking me to see fireworks shouldn’t lead to a fight & you calling my interests stupid. He ofc got really upset & said he can’t believe I’m throwing our relationship away “ over fireworks”.

I know the argument was dumb. I know that it would have been much more logical if my breaking point was 1 of the many times he relapsed or when he put me in a position where I had to drop out of school. I can’t explain why all the other things were forgivable but this isn’t. This just feels like a slap in the face. I feel like he has no respect for me. He LIKES FIREWORKS but going with me to see them is dumb & I have to twist your arm? After 5 years? Idk maybe I do sound crazy. If he was mentally not feeling up to it I wouldn’t have cared. But him liking fireworks & knowing I love them but acting like going with me is a hardship just really set me off.

So what do you guys think? Do I just sound ridiculous? Some of my friends think I should have waited till he started therapy & given him more time to fix his problems. I think I gave everything I could & don’t deserve to feel like a burden for wanting to see fireworks. Can someone tell me that I’m not insane? I keep feeling like I’m making it bigger than it is but it feels like it’s over. As I said above we’ve “ broken up” before but we never stopped talking & I still very much felt like I owed him loyalty. Neither of us attempted to move on. I can’t speak for him but I feel single. I want to move forward & put this behind me

I don't even know how to feel. He relapsed again and has been using every weekend since. He was sober for a while but went back to it, which is crazy because everything was on track. I genuinely think he did it just because he was bored of life. This led to him losing his job though and now financially, everything is on me. I'm in school full time (nursing) and working as well so the workload I have right now is already so much. Regardless of if I stay or leave, I'm screwed financially. I'm so mad at him right now. I hate it because I'm so mad but then he comes to me when he's sober and hits the heart strings just right to where I'm feeling bad for him and want to make it work. I love him so much it hurts to think of leaving him, but I'll also hurt if I stay. There's no winning I feel. I'm in love with him when he's sober. I don't love the person he is when using, he's so mean and careless when he is. I don't even know the reason of this post; I just need to get it out somewhere. I just keep praying that one day something clicks to where he wants to stay sober... I wish I could be enough... but let's be real, nothing will be enough unless he really wants it himself.

I’m a 30 F, and my ex is 29 M.

We were together for two+ years, and I’m still trying to process everything that happened.

When we met, I had absolutely no idea he was actively using cocaine. Looking back now, I know he was also binge drinking, but at the time I genuinely believed I had met someone who simply enjoyed going out. We played billiards, chess.. went to family events and started living together. He hid his addiction well.. but I definitely noticed inconsistencies in his behavior. Any arguments he couldn’t look me in my eye.. he had to scroll through instagram reels. After arguments or upset he would sit out in the parking garage all night. This never changed in the years together. He’d get so frustrated during some disagreements that he couldn’t just “leave” because we were either out of town and there was no where for him to go and he wanted to avoid the conversation. So, addiction + severe avoidance.

The truth started coming out the first time we visited him his hometown for the holidays + our birthdays.

That’s when I began discovering things that completely changed my understanding of who I was dating. I learned he had been using cocaine while we were together, he got super erratic with me, left me outside his dealers house the first night we flew in.. grabbed my phone and literally ran into the night leaving me waiting in the car while it was running.. left me at a restaurant where his step-mom had to come retrieve me as he headed up to a casino to meet his entourage of addicts.. I also uncovered numerous lies about his past, his favorite bar, previous relationships , his sexual history, and other aspects of his life. It felt like I was constantly uncovering another layer of deception every single month.

Despite all of that, I stayed because I believed addiction and trauma was driving a lot of his behavior, and I loved the person I thought he could be underneath it.

Things eventually became much worse.

His addiction escalated.. he lost his car, his jobs, and in the month of us being separated.. he suffered a life-threatening medical emergency that resulted in a lengthy hospitalization. His kidneys and liver were severely affected, he went into rhabdo and they placed him in a coma for days.. there were times his family wasn’t sure he would survive. I stayed by his side emotionally and physically (I’m talking bed baths and more) through that entire experience, remained close with his family members, and truly believed surviving something that serious would change the course of his life.

After he recovered, we ended up reconnecting and trying again. For a while, I allowed myself to believe we had a second chance.

Unfortunately, the lies returned. My intuition kept telling me something wasn’t right. The secrecy, the emotional distance, the inconsistencies—they all came back. Eventually I learned he had relapsed again while back at home (he crutched into his favorite bar and did cocaine 2 weeks off dialysis). This ended in an altercation with his dad, involuntarily detox and sober living. I stood with him through that as well.

Months later, he was living with his cousin, who is in long-term recovery herself. She and her husband have worked incredibly hard to build a stable home for themselves and their two young children. During my visit with them, I discovered he was secretly bringing cocaine into their home and drinking there while telling everyone he was sober.

I made the difficult decision to tell his cousin a few weeks ago when I found out he deceived me and was on a bender while ignoring my calls.. I was devastated he chose to leave me in the dark and I couldn’t live with keeping that secret , especially knowing there were children in the home and knowing how hard she had fought for her own recovery.

He was furious that I told her.

Instead of taking responsibility, he blocked me on everything without any conversation or closure. Told me I ruined it all and he knew I would tell.

That was the end of our relationship.

No contact besides small updates from his family. His father is enabling. He’s not doing therapy or rehab. Some days I feel relieved. Other days I still struggle to understand how someone I spent two years with could choose addiction over every relationship that genuinely cared about him.

I know I couldn’t save him. I know addiction changes people. But I’m still trying to separate the addiction from the person I loved. He went from literally being so scared of losing me or looking and searching my name in every search engine and screenshot things and having my location to just now I’m completely blocked with no contact whatsoever.

For those who have lived through addiction either as the person struggling or as someone who loved an addict:

Is it common for someone in active addiction to completely cut off the people who hold them accountable?

I’m not looking for hope that he’ll come back. I’m looking for honesty, perspective, and hopefully some peace from people who truly understand this kind of experience.

Thank you for reading <3

This is just a quick vent, but does anyone else get pissed at how integrated you became in your ex- partner’s life? then after you break up sometimes it’s just so so quiet and your nervous system is like well.. where’s the chaos?

Most of the time I was isolated, or I was out and about with him, so all of the enjoyment such as you know outings, markets, sex, bars and hobbies etc was with that person and then when we were long distance I was usually in downtime.. watching movies, facetime etc..

Now that the relationship is over, I find myself still in this downtime. I know I’m gonna have to open up and get out again to find another partner, but I’m just like wow I got so use to the isolation. Don’t get me wrong…I’m staying busy in my everyday life. But I find myself so irritated and almost bored in the silence. I just got so comfortable, and I believed so deeply in the future with that person. Now it’s like starting all over again. It almost infuriates me because as exhausting as it was keeping up with addict behavior and monitoring and anticipating ups and downs.. I still had a routine with them! It’s almost unfair because he’s out at bars, hotels with other users and zooming through the town high and drunk socializing & hanging out with new women.. meanwhile I’m processing.

Now I’m reviving myself and I’m grateful but sheesh does it take a lot of energy to get back into the groove! meeting new people and sitting in pure silence.

My now ex was diagnosed with ADHD in 2024 and started taking Vyvanse prescribed by an online psychiatrist right around the time i got pregnant with our first kid. our relationship was already struggling and we started seeing a couples therapists but it felt like everything got really bad really fast once stimulants got involved. first she entered into a major depressive state and told me she felt suicidal. once she somewhat came out of that she decided to up her dose and eventually landed at 50mg a day. then she decided to come off her SSRI because according to her “it didn’t do anything” and that’s when things really flew off the rails. she started losing her temper so easily but the way she described it is she just couldn’t mask anymore. this eventually led to her cutting off everyone in her family and near constant fighting between us. she became extremely cold, distant, and isolated and no matter what i tried to connect with her it was like she wasn’t there. physically yes, but not emotionally. and to top things off, at some point she added Adderall IR to her regimen which already included Wellbutrin XL.

the part that really throws me off is she will not talk to me or let me talk to her about the meds even though i’ve witnessed a drastic change in her. she says it’s me trying to control her. what kills me is she used to be playful and have a sense of humor and a soft side and now she’s so cold, paranoid, and full of anger. she has all these other explanations for why her life is falling apart and mostly it’s blaming other people or external factors but she is adamant that her meds are helping her.

eventually it was all too much for me and i had to walk away. she didn’t want to be with me anymore anyway so i just really needed to stop trying. but we still have a child and need to function as co-parents.

i want to support her and believe her but at what point do i trust what i see with my own eyes?

Post includes talk of substance use

I left my partner of 8 years. He was hiding a crack addiction from me. And everything fell apart in February. He had a psychotic episode. It wasn't safe.

I left. Lived in a friend's camper for a month. I bought a home. He has my belongings and owes me thousands of dollars. He broke my stuff.

I was slowly getting my things back. He called me his biggest trigger. I spent a whole year surviving, being afraid he'd die. Waiting patiently for him to go back to the loving human I chose to spend my life with.

I went by last week to get some of my items. I messaged before. Thought he knew. But I guess he'd blocked me.

He was on the couch (our couch) wifh his new girlfriend, who I only found out about a week ago. I asked if it was OK I came in, he said yes. I started to pack my stuff. I ignored her. She left.

He freaked out. Told me I'd ruined his life. Told me I had dissociative identity disorder. And never to come back, or communicate again. Found out from a friend that she's pregnant. We had tried to have kids, I can't.

So the thing is. I get it. Ya good riddance right?? Simple.

But no. Anyone who understands and has been through something like this knows its not simple.

I loved this man intensely. Our connection was amazing.

And now she's in what was our home. She struggles with cocaine, he only recently seems sober from crack, and i assume they're trying to be sober together. With his baby inside her. The baby I wanted but couldn't have. And now. I'm cut off. She was waiting in the wings the whole time and I know it. She used to say she was my friend.

But. This is the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life.

Please please any words of advice from someone who has struggled with addiction or an addicted loved one. I go to nar anon. I have my boundaries now.

My brain tells me I was wrong. The problem. And she's going to get the version of him I so desperately wanted and remember. How can they be happy?? Was it really me that caused his problems and now he's found her he is well and now they'll have a family??

I am destroyed

I recently found out that my partner of six years has a secret heroin addiction. I found out because he left his 2 gram bag in my bathroom. I didn’t even know what it was at first. Im such a naive idiot, I thought it was candy - like a bag of fucking fundip. There was just no way it would be drugs or would be his. There’s no way. He’d never do that. I kept repeating this in my head over and over.

Turns out he would do that. And has been, longer than I’ve known him. The second I questioned it, he broke down and told me everything - although I did see him briefly look like he was going to deny it.

My brain started piecing it all together. The time I had surgery and he could just not wake up to bring me to the hospital, or take care of me after. The time I crashed my bike and was bleeding from the head and he wouldn’t answer his phone so a couple of strangers brought me home. All the times I thought he was bi polar, all the times I had to cover paying - all because he was using.

He’s almost 3 weeks clean now. Lots of energy. Lots of big ideas and wanting to go places and do things. Lots of wanting to make up for lost time…he has the energy I had when we met, that is long gone. My energy that he wasted.

In our lost time, I lived so much life. In our lost time my dad died. In our lost time I had major surgery twice. In our lost time I was working hard to save for a future together, while he was spending money (sometimes MY money) on heroin and I never knew.
I was working full time and picking up side gigs so we could buy a house. While he was spending money on heroin. And I. Never. Knew.

I don’t know how to proceed. I feel like I’m half asleep all the time. I can’t do my job. I’m dissociating constantly. I’m going through all the motions because I love him and I believe that he wants to be clean, and can be. But I’m pissed and frankly, I want my life back. I want the six wasted years back. I want my fucking money back. I want him to put all the money that he should have been saving with me for a house, into my fucking savings account and I couldn’t give a fuck less about going on a trip with someone who has been actively lying to me ABOUT A HEROIN ADDICTION for almost seven years. It honestly feels like he cheated on me the whole time we were together. I feel insane.

I don’t feel like I can tell him any of this because he is triggered easily right now, and I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. I asked him to go to couples counseling so that I could try to get some of this off my chest without him becoming defensive or triggered, and he rolled his eyes and said he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t see a point. My feelings don’t matter right now. The focus is his sobriety. The girlfriend doesn’t matter in these situations, and she’s often the scapegoat. If he relapses and OD’s, whose fault is it that she wasn’t willing to drug test him as a weekly part of their relationship? Why didn’t she make him go to NA? They lived together for a year, how did she not know this was going on? Why didn’t she know?? Why didn’t she do anything?? Why did she stay with him?? It’s always the girlfriend’s fault.

I look, and feel, like a fucking fool. And he did that to me.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I love him, but I’m so fucking angry. I love him, but the cognitive dissonance of loving him and wanting to charge forward full speed, and the anger and distrust I have for him now is driving me mad. I’ve been thinking about dying all week…not that I’d ever kill myself, just that dying seems a lot easier than holding these feelings.

I understand that I don’t understand addiction, and I carry a lot of stigma about heroin usage and opiates in general…but I feel like this man standing in front of me is a stranger to me and it’s unnerving.

This is long. I’m sorry. I’m spiraling.

Just need to vent.

My Q is my ex-boyfriend. We were together on and off for 3 years. His health and life have deteriorated. He ignores his extreme health issues. He started dealing his DOC, heroin (aka fentynol, since H doesn't really exist anymore...). This resulted in me trying to bend reality to make him change. Crying on the street NYC when meets me for a movie and he's high. Blowing up his phone because I think he's dead. Drowning him in my anxiety, pain, and rage. I thought this would help, and it has only pushed him away more.

I spent my birthday weekend crying my eyes out because he was nowhere to be found. The one person in my life who did not try to plan anything. When I finally saw him a few days later, he was nodding out real bad. I broke up with him. Two days later, he texted me "is today your birthday?" as if nothing happened. Which is so sad that it is, indeed, funny.

The past few weeks have been brutal, particularly because I do love him. I struggle to not answer his texts. Every day he sends me the saddest song he can think of. Calls me beautiful. Then, says I am being dramatic. That "everyone's relationship is on the rocks sometimes". The denial goes craaaazzzy.

Though I haven't been attending for long, I know the program is working, because when he texts me that shit, I don't have the gut punch and immediate reaction I used to have. I see it for what it is.

Another new feeling is devasting grief. Grief for a person who is living, and what may happen to him. Grief for the life I tried to force into reality, to obviously no avail. Grief for the relationship. Grief for his mother, brother, and sister. I keep crying at work. I keep writing him letters that I don't send. He sends me more songs. He says he misses me. Yada yada yada. I do not really want to block him because I like to know he is alive and still connected to me, even if I don't respond. I'd like to think that he interprets my read receipts as "I love you, I forgive you, I forgive me, but I need space to clear my head".

It breaks my heart to be apart from him. He has shown me love like no other partner. All he wants to do is hold me, call me pretty, spend time with me... and smoke heroin.

I have recently had the realization that the dynamic between the addict and their loved ones is like one of those stupid "Chinese finger traps". The more you try to force them to change, the more stuck they get. The more they pull away. I am so scared to interact with him at all, that I will make his addiction worse. That I will spiral and lose the thread of my own life. I will be damned if I become an excuse for him to use.

I am really struggling to find a sponsor. I want to work the 12-steps. But it seems nearly impossible.

I guess that is all to say, right now I just have to sit in the stink. Thanks for reading.

I met the love of my life 12 years ago. He was a meth addict before we met. He was sober (minus weed) and we had 3 beautiful children. Unfortunately in 2022 he relapsed. It has been an on going struggle. I've had to get restraining orders, hes been homeless, in jail and just in and out. I tried so long to help him, with me finally realizing i cant. Most recently he was incarcerated since August 2025 and got released in April 2026. He called me the day before release but i couldnt get him due to long distance and it being easter weekend. Ever since than, i havent heard from him. It's been almost 3 months and i am worried he went straight back to drugs and the streets. No one in his family has heard from him either (and yes they would tell me as we are very close). I have been the only one willing to hear him out, but im the only person he would always call even while on the streets. Im worried sick, sad, angry, lonely. I cant understand any of this. How can he just disappear? He didnt call for my 3 kids birthdays. When will this ever go away? I feel so attached to him, i feel i wont ever move on. I have seen him in almost a year and have spoken for 3 months, even before he called me we had spoken for 3 months before that. Every day seems harder and for some reason i tell myself if he called i would answer. How to get over this especially when we have children together?

I was with my ex for 8 years; we have been broken up for 1 year. He was using meth - changed into a completely different person - spiteful, mean, selfish. We share a 3-year-old together, and even though he put me through hell for the last 2 years of our relationship we have continued to try and make things work since I left. The things he did to me were unforgivable and yet I kept trying to blame every bad thing he did on the drugs because I couldn't accept that the person I fell in love with was gone. He had a medical emergency last week and I was there. After his operation I seen he has been on fetlife and messaging girls off there. I am right back to where I was when I left - heartbroken, angry at him and myself, and unable to be a present mum to our little boy. All this time I have been trying to make excuses for his behaviour but it's not just drugs - its him. I am heartbroken and angry that I have spent a year trying to see past his actions for him to just screw me over again!

I dont know what I am looking for in posting this, just wanting to vent :(

My partner’s cocaine usage makes me so sad for the future; his health, his wealth, everything.

He’s been snorting just about every week. Sometimes once a week, twice and three times. And each time it’s with tons of alcohol!!! Which is so incredibly dangerous. His blood pressure is usually in the 200/100s (really)!! Then when he’s high he gambles all of his money away which forces me to give him money so he can float by. Rinse and repeat.

He came home this morning at 7am wanting to drink booze so he can come down and get some sleep. Did not happen until 1pm. It just ruined the whole Sunday for me because he doesn’t like when I leave him when he’s sleeping. So I lied down next to him the whole time until he woke up.

I really don’t enjoy wasting my weekends like that. And the crazy thing is.. my partner works six days a week; off on Sundays!! I’m like “don’t you get tired of not being able to enjoy your only day off???”

TL;DR I’m just fed up

To the person who commented on another post saying substance abuse doesn’t excuse an addict’s abusive behavior: thank you.

My soon-to-be ex-husband is 136 days sober from meth and seems to be doing well. We have an 8-month-old daughter. Unfortunately, he used throughout my entire pregnancy and, as far as I know, throughout most of our three-year marriage.

Throughout our marriage, I would find evidence of drugs or catch him cheating. Every time, I wanted to believe the promises that things would be different, so I stayed. Looking back now, I can see how trapped I felt and how much I kept hoping the next promise would be the one he kept. I even discovered evidence of him cheating on me during her NICU stay and I didn’t believe it because I was so deep in his lies.

Our daughter had a stroke at birth and spent time in the NICU. He continued using throughout our hospital stay. I found a vial of drugs in his pocket while we were in the NICU. I felt trapped—I had just given birth, my family was hours away, and I felt completely alone.

I finally left in January after finding his pipe and torch in our outdoor storage while he was inside napping with our newborn. Shortly after I left, he was arrested on drug and weapons-related charges just minutes from where I was staying.

Since then, he’s gotten sober and is trying to repair the relationship. I’m genuinely glad he’s sober, but I’m also done. I’m focused on building a life for myself and raising our daughter in a stable, peaceful home.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Maybe because I needed someone to tell me that addiction didn’t excuse the abuse. Maybe because someone else needs to hear it too.
If you’re in a situation like I was, leaving may be the healthiest choice you can make. It was for me

So my father is an addict, and ive been no-contact with him for about 6 years, last time we had any meaningful conversation was 4 years ago. I am 23 currently.

Through family grape vines, ive heard that he has gone through recovery and is doing well for himself. There is so much trauma and hurt ive been through because of his addiction, especially during my formative teen years. I have his new phone number through chance luck, but I am scared that reaching out also means uncorking years of pain and hurt that I am worried I haven't given myself time to process fully.

I know the rationality behind all of his narcissistic actions was rooted firmly in his addiction, but part of me still wants to be angry and upset. But I am also uncertain if certain actions are moreso him being genuinely a terrible person that i should keep at 10 miles away minimum or if it was just the drugs.

I think I could get really great support from Nar-Anon, but I don't know how welcome I would be in a circle of people trying to support their loved ones while I haven't even talked to my father in years.

Tbis has been really gnawing at me, and i just feel completely lost on what to do.

I suppose this is a small rant. I'm sorry.

I love this girl. Like i adore her. With every inch of me. But i've lost her to addiction. Honestly, i've lost myself to my addiction to her.

I met this truly wonderful girl about 5 years ago. It's hard to express just how awesome she is. We got close and we've been though a lot together. I've constantly tried to be there for her but I think her addiction has gone beyond what I'm comfortable having in my life now. I've tried like soooo fucking hard to just be there for her.

The drug in question here is crack. We used to be users together but i went to rehab and she became homeless. I've been supporting her for the last 3 years. Its constantly asking for money that I really don't have. Everytime I feel like have my life together she comes crashing in and destroying my life. It seems likely she's being trafficked or has her own thing.... I still love her.

I think she's gone beyond the level of recovery now and it breaks my heart. I don't want to give up on her but recently I met someone new that's... actually stable. It's so hard to be in love with an addict.

We used to have so much fun going out together and watching movies but now every time i see her its just crack 24/7. At this point: i've kinda destroyed my life trying to make sure she's safe. -- and even if i tried she isn't. All my friends won't talk to me and even my mom is pretty mad at me for helping her.

It sucks. She's my person but over the time knowing her shes completely into crack. Like that's all that left. She's the coolest and most beautiful girl I've ever known.

I've bought her like 4 phones this year and I'm probably out like 30 grand trying to keep her at least safe? I completely failed a few weeks ago and she was raped and everything she had was stolen. Other friends say thats what happens when you hang out with dangerous people. She called 4 times but i was asleep. I'm devastated I couldn't be there.

I'm... well i've been a total trainwreck. For months. I'm trying to let go but shes my person. We still talk every night. I just can't seem to let go.. I don't think she can ether.

I Really care about this girl. I need to let go but i can't. This is hard to post. She’s worth the heartache… I’m not kidding when I say she’s the coolest girl I’ve ever met. I’m so in love I’m blind I know.