u/siebenstern

An update from my previous posts, but I am almost entirely certain that my MIL who is living with us, is a “functioning” meth addict or is only recently sober. I can’t quite prove whether she is in recovery or still using because she hides it very VERY well and still seems to function mostly normally (normal for her, others find her behaviour very quirky, bizarre and disheveled).

My husband isn’t as quick to believe or doesn’t want to believe because she seems normal around our kids, helps a little around the house and will be polite/nice. I need to know for my own sanity and because we have multiple very young children.
Many of the things she does my husband writes off to her vaping habits which we know she does, or to a mental illness, or possibly using at one point earlier. She disappears to the car often, runs “unknown errands” everyday, or to the front porch (insists on the front porch and not the back where we can all see). There’s a lot of overlap between mental illness/vaping and meth so it’s hard to prove. If she was using, it would be in the car but I can’t have it tested as she has her keys dangling from her belt at all hours of the day, even at night. I’ve caught her in a few lies or overprojecting when asked simple questions about what she’s doing or where she’s going (goes to Walmart every single day for a few hours - my husband thought maybe she was eating there or just wants a reason to get out).

How can I ask her or prove this? I am assuming she will lie (and some of her lies are quite big and complex I never would have caught them). If I ask her to do a drug test I am sure she would be extremely offended and it would shatter all relations (she doesn’t know anyone suspects her past or current use at all). And the other outcome would be her abruptly leaving which although isn’t the worst thing, she has nowhere to go and it’s still my husbands mom.

She has almost all the symptoms except the sleeping for days. The slightly gross sweet chemical smell from her body could be vape. Many of the other symptoms could be from past use or mental health (teeth, never eating, very bad breath from poor unaddressed dental hygiene).

So, I’ve known my MIL for about 5 years. She was a single mom that raised kids all by herself, she left his father supposedly for drug use. For all the years I’ve known her, she’s been a mess. I put it down to poor life choices and quirkiness. Looking at old photos she was good looking, took care of her appearance, and raised her kids solidly. Her family have said she’s always been a bit off but nothing like how she is now (having since cut most people off).

She’s in her early 60s but looks 80. She speaks to my husband and I to visit the grandkids but has cut off nearly everyone else in the family. When she would come and visit, and when she talks to my husband on the phone it’s always about conspiracy theories and bizarre concepts.
Definitely paranoid.
She takes zero pride in her appearance, hair looks like a birds nest, huge oversized mens clothes, extremely wrinkly, very rotten teeth/mouth. She honestly looks homeless or like the stereotypical user.

We hardly ever saw her, but she had a sob story about her roommates (who I also now suspect were junkies) not paying their share of the rent unlike her (supposedly). So we helped her out and had her move in with us. Again, we’ve always just thought she was quirky and made horrible life decisions. We didn’t think much of it except MIL being a little annoying, but figured she could help out with the house while I was adjusting to life with kids and a newborn.

After complaining about her bizarre behaviour to friends, someone mentioned she sounds like a meth user. I started researching and it all clicks. The paranoia, weird sleeping habits (albeit they have improved since staying with us), the hoarding of random junk (she used to gift us nuts and bolts she found in parking lots), insisting on working heavy labour jobs despite being ultra thin and frail looking, avoiding all her family, lying, never eating in front of us or eating that I’ve seen but finding bags of candy in her room, her appearance and lack of hygiene.
She keeps her room relatively clean but her car (where she goes out to spend hours in) is grotty and full to the brim with junk and trash. She LOVES talking about conspiracy theories.

The thing is, she acts mostly normal but a little goofy/annoying. She plays with the kids nicely and seems to have her wits about her. She helps clean if we ask her too and with the laundry occasionally. She “ducks out” to run errands everyday but won’t tell us where or what she’s doing aside from a vague answer. She is polite and talks a lot. Usually going to the dollar store. At first I thought it was just a reason to get out - fine.

Is there any chance she is just an ex-user with weird habits that die hard? I caved and rummaged through her room and apart from finding a bunch of random junk, some trash, soiled underwear and candy wrappers the only thing I could find was toilet paper wrapped up in more toilet paper that looked like it had faeces smeared in it. We actually left our kids with her once to go on a date afternoon and despite living in an affluent area, when we arrived home there was a slightly sketchy couple waiting outside our house vaping. When we asked what they were doing there, they said they knocked on the door to find the owners and see if they could buy her (old beaten up) car for their son. Looking back at this, was this a total lie? What are the chances this happens the one time we go out? Or am I now being paranoid?

I can’t get into her car to look for evidence because she keeps her keys on her belt at all times with other tools.
I am scared to approach the topic or confront her in case she does a disappearing act (something she’s done to us before if we even remotely pry into things or offend her). If she is an active user, she seems to be very high functioning. Or maybe she never used at all and is just severely depressed and addicted to conspiracy theories? I am livid that we let her into our own if she indeed is, or was, a user.

So, I’ve known my MIL for about 5 years. She was a single mom that raised kids all by herself, she left his father supposedly for drug use. For all those years I’ve known her, she’s been a mess. I put it down to poor life choices and quirkiness. When raising her kids though, she looked great and seemed very solid from what I’ve heard. She started “changing” about 10 years ago before I knew her.

She’s in her early 60s but looks 80. She speaks to my husband and I to visit the grandkids but has cut off nearly everyone else in the family. When she would come and visit, and when she talks to my husband on the phone it’s always about conspiracy theories and bizarre concepts.
Definitely paranoid.
She takes zero pride in her appearance, hair looks like a birds nest, huge oversized mens clothes, extremely wrinkly, very rotten teeth/mouth.

We hardly ever saw her, but she had a sob story about her roommates (who I also now suspect were junkies) not paying their share of the rent unlike her (supposedly). So we helped her out and had her move in with us. Again, we’ve always just thought she was quirky and made horrible life decisions. We didn’t think much of it except MIL being a little annoying, but figured she could help out with the house while I was adjusting to life with kids and a newborn.

After complaining about her bizarre behaviour to friends, someone mentioned she sounds like a meth user. I started researching and it all clicks. The paranoia, weird sleeping habits (albeit they have improved since staying with us), the hoarding of random junk (she used to gift us nuts and bolts she found in parking lots), insisting on working heavy labour jobs despite being ultra thin and frail looking, avoiding all her family, lying, never eating in front of us or eating that I’ve seen but finding bags of candy in her room, her appearance and lack of hygiene.
She keeps her room relatively clean but her car (where she goes out to spend hours in) is grotty and full to the brim with junk and trash. She LOVES talking about conspiracy theories.

The thing is, she acts mostly normal but a little goofy/annoying. She plays with the kids nicely and seems to have her wits about her. She helps clean if we ask her too and with the laundry occasionally. She “ducks out” to run errands everyday but won’t tell us where or what she’s doing aside from a vague answer. She is polite and talks a lot. Usually going to the dollar store. At first I thought it was just a reason to get out - fine.

Is there any chance she is just an ex-user with weird habits that die hard? I caved and rummaged through her room and apart from finding a bunch of random junk, some trash, soiled underwear and candy wrappers the only thing I could find was toilet paper wrapped up in more toilet paper that looked like it had faeces smeared in it. We actually left our kids with her once to go on a date afternoon and despite living in an affluent area, when we arrived home there was a slightly sketchy couple waiting outside our house vaping. When we asked what they were doing there, they said they knocked on the door to find the owners and see if they could buy her (old beaten up) car for their son. Looking back at this, was this a total lie? What are the chances this happens the one time we go out? Or am I now being paranoid?

I can’t get into her car to look for evidence because she keeps her keys on her belt at all times with other tools.
I am scared to approach the topic or confront her in case she does a disappearing act (something she’s done to us before if we even remotely pry into things or offend her). If she is an active user, she seems to be very high functioning. Or maybe she never used at all and is just severely depressed and addicted to conspiracy theories? I am livid that we let her into our own if she indeed is, or was, a user.