I know there’s no like certain answer but do they feel bad in the present how much they’ve hurt their loved ones? Or does the addiction take over so much that they can’t care about anyone but themselves? And then if they get clean, do they look back and notice the pain they caused or are they just blind to it all?
About a month ago now, my boyfriend confessed to me that he had a cocaine addiction. With guilt and shame, he told me he wanted help and at the time he had told me that he would do his best not to push me away. Fast forward and weeks went by of going back and forth about getting help, him disappearing, ghosting me, showing progress and then vanishing again. He blocked his whole family, won’t talk to any of his friends, essentially running away from any one he loves and wants to support him. He’s sleeping in his car or random hotels or couches of people who don’t know he has an addiction. I’ve spent the entire month worried sick about him and have lost myself in this as well. I quickly became the only support system he was choosing to keep in his life but even then, he kept vanishing leaving me to feel abandoned. When I realized my mental health was rapidly declining, I knew I had to break up with him. I hadn’t heard from him in five days and he was screening my calls. I was gutted and sent a break up text because there was no way to reach him. I also blocked him knowing that if I didn’t, I would easily forgive him in hopes of change.
When will I stop feeling guilty for leaving? For feeling like I gave up on him? I miss him so much and I miss what we used to be but I hear addicts don’t change until they hit rock bottom and that’s heartbreaking to know I’m apart of that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/s/c3lcgUFyQg
Please see post above for context.
Update: he updated his tinder profile. Something stupid about just wanting sex. This kills me. His escapism is getting grander and my hurt is ruining me. Every day, I’m sick to my stomach worrying about him and wondering how he could lie to me like this.
I’ve barely taken care of myself because I’m so worried about him. All I feel is abandonment.
Part of me still wants to march to his job and force him to tell me he no longer wants me. After seeing his tinder profile updated, I don’t feel hope, all I feel is stupidity and the gut wrenching pain of heartbreak. I barely want to live myself (I am getting the professional help I need). I’ve spent the last two/three weeks being selfless for him, when will I get to do the selfish act?
For all the addicts reading, I know you don’t want to hurt your loved ones but this is the real pain being caused to us. It will take me a long time to trust anyone ever again with my heart.
My boyfriend told revealed me last week that he has a cocaine addiction. He was extremely apologetic, ashamed, and deep down knows he wants to stop. He has a young son as well. He told me he was going home to go confront his parents and he would text me the next day and he would come back later in the week.
A week went by and I didn’t hear from him. I was worried sick and finally I contacted his mom (whom I had never met yet). She let me know that he didn’t come home that night, although he told me he did and she hadn’t seen him in over a week. She also let me know that his ex found a stash in his room and flipped out (rightfully so) and told him and his parents they weren’t allowed to see his son anymore. I know he is hurting and deep into his depression and use right now because of it.
We know he’s going to work but he’s hiding and doesn’t want to face anyone yet. I’ve sent him a bunch of texts (none that I think he’s reading) which I’m sure is overwhelming but they’re all of support.
I’m thinking of driving to his job tonight and just letting him know after work that I’m still here for him. I don’t even need answers just yet but I want him to know I’m in his corner. I’m worried he’s going to feel ambushed. He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, I don’t have a fear that he’ll react violently.
Is this a horrible idea? To approach him like this? Or should I just wait it out? So lost here.