u/EasternThanks3311

2.5 years in and 5 relapses later, I'm burned out. I'm fatigued and deserve peace but this is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do because deep down I know she's sick and wants to stay clean but she's struggling to overcome it. A manic episode drove her to this latest relapse and even though I've tried dozens of times to convince her to work on her mental health, she believed she was doing enough.

The relapse happened 3 weeks ago. I visited her in the hospital daily, worked together with her and her therapist to get her into treatment. She was asked to leave the one treatment center and used the day in between transferring because they dropped her off at a motel.

She's in a different treatment center that specializes in repeat relapse so she has hope but I feel guilty because I've lost hope and can't take another relapse.

So while she gets better and I contemplate how to get out of this mess, I'm left with constant reminders all throughout our apartment just how intertwined our lives are. We were planning things, in the process of doing things together but now I must do "What's best for me" and push her out of my life.

How can I do this and be able to live with myself afterwards?

2.5 years in and 5 relapses later, I'm burned out. I'm fatigued and deserve peace but this is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do because deep down I know she's sick and wants to stay clean but she's struggling to overcome it. A manic episode drove her to this latest relapse and even though I've tried dozens of times to convince her to work on her mental health, she believed she was doing enough.

The relapse happened 3 weeks ago. I visited her in the hospital daily, worked together with her and her therapist to get her into treatment. She was asked to leave the one treatment center and used the day in between transferring because they dropped her off at a motel.

She's in a different treatment center that specializes in repeat relapse so she has hope but I feel guilty because I've lost hope and can't take another relapse.

So while she gets better and I contemplate how to get out of this mess, I'm left with constant reminders all throughout our apartment just how intertwined our lives are. We were planning things, in the process of doing things together but now I must do "What's best for me" and push her out of my life.

How can I do this and be able to live with myself afterwards?

I met my partner of 2.5 years when she was 4 months sober. Not only does she struggle with addiction, she has BPD.

She is on her 5th relapse since we've been together and this is at least the 15th time she's been in treatment(wish I knew about the other 10+ when we met).

She's used every drug out there but her DOC is fentanyl.

Relapse 1 - Was meth, cocaine and fentanyl. This is the one I was least prepared for because I had no clue what I was dealing with or how to handle it.

Relapse 2(2 months after 1) - I saved her from potentially suffocating because I found her face down in a pillow after almost ODing off cocaine and fentanyl. I also wrestled out of her hands, a loaded needle that she had hidden.

Relapse 3(13 months after 2) - She went missing for a couple of days after being in a hit and run accident. She was labeled clinically dead after she was found ODed on fentanyl and benzos. Multiple doses of Narcan and CPR saved her life.

Relapse 4(4 months after 3) - A month out of IOP following relapse 3, she manipulated her primary care into prescribing her a high dose of benzos. She abused them and went missing again because she went on a quest to find fentanyl. Luckily she wasn't clinically dead this time but she did call me after she was almost raped at a hotel by a drug friend she'd ironically met at the last treatment center.

Relapse 5(6 months after 4) - After undergoing the most successful treatment program she'd ever been in, she finished school, got a job in her field but chose not to focus on her BPD. The right combo of things caused her to relapse on fentanyl again.

During this relapse, she got a DUI and possession charges after driving 40+ MPH directly into the back of a parked truck. Believing her life was over, she went missing for 2 days after being released by the police. Of course she used fentanyl again, ended up in a hospital, and eventually a treatment center. She was asked to leave the treatment center because she got into a fight.

They dropped her off at a motel 15 minutes away from the center and she used again in between us getting her connected with another treatment center

After all of this, I don't believe I have any support left in me. We share an apartment but have no kids together even though she's insisted that she's ready for marriage and children.

I feel awful because I'm the most supportive person in her life, her emergency contact and her family loves me but I just don't feel as though I have it in me to continue this.

I've been with my BPD partner for almost 3 years. She's also an addict. She's struggled with both of these issues longer than we've known each other.

When we met, she was 4 months into her recovery which she was upfront about. She was also upfront about having BPD.

Because I had never heard of BPD before, I believed it to be an acronym for Bi-polar Disorder which I'd heard was treatable and manageable.

I soon learned the difference a month into dating her.

We ended up getting serious, moved in together and that's when all of the chaos began to happen.

In addition to all of the ridiculous arguing that seems to be an integral part of being in a BPD relationship, there were multiple relapses.

This last relapse was very bad because she started a fight about nothing in order to "leave" our relationship.

Then she ended up in bad car accident less than 24 hours later.

She immediately called me for help even though she "left" me.

She was DUI and possessed drugs so there's a chance she could go to jail.

The police released her to me and within 6 hours, she continued her relapse session.

She eventually came back a day later and ended up in the hospital.

Throughout the 3 days of relapse, she was of course very belligerent and disrespectful.

I continue to visit her every day in the hospital and even still, she finds things to argue about.

This whole thing is draining and I really want to be done with her but I feel as though, I'm the only one she can count on and that's unfortunate.

I feel trapped.