u/tumharisaas

Asked chat to tighten it up cause I was rambling

Hi,
My sister, my cousin, and I have been discussing something that’s been weighing on us for a while, and we’re trying to understand whether we are being unreasonable or simply unaware of our actual legal rights.

We come from a joint family with ancestral property involved. There are 5 of us in the next generation (2 boys and 3 girls). The general understanding we’ve grown up with is that property is primarily meant for the sons, and daughters are not considered equal heirs in practice, even though we are part of the same family.

At the same time, we’ve seen very different financial outcomes among male cousins in the wider family. One cousin sold his share of ancestral land, used it to build two successful businesses abroad, and bought a house. Another cousin has a stable job in India but also receives around ₹2 lakh/month as passive income from land holdings, without actively working for it. These examples make it hard not to question the imbalance in how family assets translate into opportunity.

In contrast, the three of us (all women in the family) have not received similar support or access to family assets. Whenever we bring up inheritance or our share, the response is often that we are being “greedy” or trying to take “bread away from our brothers.” They literally try to shame us- and act shocked by our “greed”.

When we ask what about our share, we’re told that daughters “belong to their pati’s house” and that we will eventually have access to our pati’s property instead. But for us, that logic feels disconnected—because we are not married yet, and we are talking about birthright in our own family’s ancestral property, not hypothetical future situations.
In one recent instance, after this topic was raised seriously within the family, property records/ownership were changed in a way that moved assets to other relatives, which made us feel even more uncertain about where we stand legally.

On a personal note, this situation also affects future decisions in my life. I have a partner I intend to marry, but he comes from a similar background where land, inheritance, and “family reputation” matter a lot. If I were to pursue this legally, I worry it could affect how his family perceives me, since similar biases around daughters and property exist in many land-owning families.

We are not trying to destroy family relationships. But every time we raise this, it turns into accusations of greed, as if asking for our share is equivalent to taking something away from our brothers.

From our perspective, we are simply asking: if there is ancestral property, where is our rightful share in it?

Has anyone here thought of this, because I don’t see anyone talk about property rights on “feminist discourse” everyone has online

Hi,

I haven’t heard anyone talk about this- so here’s what my sisters and I have been thinking.

My sister, me and my first cousin have been discussing about wanting our share of the property.

Our family is sorta rich-ish (middle class with lost potential lol). Whenever we bring up this topic our family is TRIGGERED. For the first time, I feel I have some power over them because this is fear disguised as anger- I’ve realised.

We talk about it seriously- if not given willingly, we will sue them.

This mostly came from their taunts of not making it big in life (all of us in our 20s), and our cousins 1. Who sold his land and built successful businesses abroad and bought a house “yet we can’t even afford rent”. Cousin 2. Has a decent paying job, and gets 2lakhs a month from his land- doesn’t lift a finger.

And we get so pained to see not being helped the way these people have such a cushion.

I live abroad, I struggle here, my parents refused to help her w her business (said they’ll pay for wedding instead and didn’t allow her to do a job even).

My boy cousin, doesn’t even know how to navigate bus/public transport (we’re in the same city) and his sister has to help him out financially.

She has a white bf which she won’t marry because she loves her parents but they want her to marry a guy from same community because she’ll be there to support them (because they know the boy is a nikamma). That’s how selfish they are.

So we decided to ask for our share. If not we’ll sue.

My sister had this conversation out of anger once, and laid it all out, my dad the next day changed names on the property to uncles and aunts’ names (she checked lol).

Anyway, who else is thinking of asking for their rights?

I have a bf whose family also comes from land owning background (they have civil jobs tho) and if they knew I was fighting my parents for my share, they will not agree to marriage.

I want to explain more, but I feel my desi girls will understand this! Sorry for being incoherent, I realise it.