I think I’m almost ready to leave
I (35f) started dating my boyfriend at the beginning of last year. Met his son and BM over the summer and moved into his house April of this year. Everything was fine in the beginning when it was just the two of us.
BM was incredibly fake nice to me at the start, even texting that she was so happy my boyfriend brought me into their lives. Then started to control our relationship. When I could see them, when I could stay at his house. Literally down to I could stay on a Thursday but not a Friday 🙄 She threatened to take him to court because her wants weren’t being respected. They split years ago and she is remarried. Got married and had a child less than a year and a half after being divorced.
Their son is 8 now and just very difficult to bond with. He’s not very talkative and always wants to stay at home. I have seen him every week for over a year now and still he will sometimes ignore me when I speak to him. My boyfriend says he’s being shy but it’s just coming off as rude at this point. Also not loving how my boyfriend parents. There are very little rules and structure. Every night that son has to take a shower he has the worst attitude and ruins the night for everyone. Boyfriend does nothing to make this stop.
I delayed moving in because I got horrible texts from BM saying I was not wanted in his house. HIS house. Boyfriend will not stand up to her. Her husband has been arrested for domestic violence and child endangerment. BM went to the psych ward at the end of last year because of this. Boyfriend called me crying because her husband had threatened their child. I was worried about her and spoke to her for over an hour listening to all the things her husband has done. She later demanded to my boyfriend that I apologize to her for “overstepping”. Her husband was arrested a few months ago and boyfriend hid it from me because I would “make it a big deal”.
I love this man. We dated a few years ago right after he was separated but he broke it off after a few months. We both weren’t in a good place. I thought us getting back together was some meant to be scenario but I have had the worst anxiety and depression in years. I’ve been drinking a lot to try and feel better. He’s a good guy but I do not think he would be a good husband.
I feel so beaten down that I don’t even want to try anymore. Nothing I do is right. I’m a side character in my own life. I don’t think I can be with a man who would choose peace with another woman over peace with me. I understand wanting to get along to be good parents but she has been way out of line with me and he has never stood up to her.
We have our own issues. We argue. Don’t have much intimacy. I work a stressful sales job. Long hours. Throwing money into savings so we can buy a bigger house in a better city by BM. He makes less than I do and is in debt. I am not. That doesn’t matter as much to me, but I’m starting to feel like I will be funding our future.
I applied for an apartment yesterday and was approved. It’s the same place I moved out of this year. I can move in next month. Haven’t officially signed. I know I should. I know I don’t want this life. I want a family. I don’t think I will ever feel at home or wanted here.
I know I can do it, it’s just so hard. I have to decide soon. When I talk to my boyfriend he just apologizes for how he’s handled things. We’ve talked about it before and he said he would make changes. He doesn’t.
I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I just read so many stories that feel like I could have wrote them. Just wanted to share mine.
Thank you for reading ♥️