u/twinkie__69

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, don’t get me wrong I absolutely love him and everything but he’s slowly draining me. I’ve always had depression but take medication for it. But I’ve found myself to be numb a lot of the time especially when he lets me down, it feels like he never has time for me. He does boxing on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday every other day he’s at the gym besides Wednesday that’s his rest day. He also always tells me we will do these things or he’ll promise something and it won’t ever happen and if I get upset over it then I’m ‘selfish’ I don’t know what to do and I’m tired of telling him how depressed I feel but I love him to much to leave him and I can’t see myself not being with him. I just leave so alone and like I only have myself.

This is probably going to sound a bit silly and some might think I’m quite dramatic but i suspect that my boyfriend of a year and a half is cheating on me. Now this is a bit of a back story of what happened before i suspected anything. I think about a month ago i walked into his room to surprise him and i seen him quickly tuck himself away and put his phone down, i then asked if he was watching porn he said no then told me to sit down, he was all flustered, sweaty and hard I asked him again he said no again, I told him to be honest and then he told me yes he had been hiding it from me and he watches it all the time and that’s why he will not have sex with me, I left after that. It’s not that I have such a issue with porn it’s more so the fact he told me he’s always thought it was a sin to watch that kind of stuff whilst in a relationship and then here he was watching it behind my back.

A few weeks ago we got invited to a party which he wanted to stay sober but wanted me to get drunk which I didn’t have an issue with. I had a fair amount of alcohol and started to get emotional, one of my good friends (16F) brought up my very abusive ex boyfriend (15M) who I dated for 9 months, he was both emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I got very emotional hearing about him and started to sob then go on about how I didn’t understand why I deserved that, later on my boyfriend wanted me to go home which I didn’t want to but later on agreed. We got home then went to sleep etc, the next morning I was supposed to go with him to visit family but he wouldn’t let me then left, we kind of got into a argument and he then called me selfish and explained how he got annoyed when I was talking about my ex which I don’t understand because when he last got drunk he was talking about how big his exes (16F) ass is and how if he could he would fuck her but claims it’s a joke? So I didn’t think what I was talking about was bad. He then proceeded to argue me for most of the day, turned his location off, changed his password so I couldn’t log in but I only ever log in when I’m trying to find a photo in his memories. Ever since then he won’t let me log in which isn’t a big issue to me but he makes it a big deal and when I look over his phone just because I’m curious of what he is doing he gets really defensive and tells me I don’t need to look then will hide his phone, now I know he deserves privacy but I’m suspicious about this and weirded out because he’s never been like this, I’ve always had his location, his passwords and he’s always shown me his phone but now it seems like he’s hiding stuff and I don’t want to go through his phone because I don’t want to break trust. He rarely will have sex with me anymore too.

Are my feelings valid and has anyone had anything happen to them like this before?

*I forgot to add he’s stopped watching porn*