u/twintweaks143

For some context, the longest I had been fully sober was around 3 months, a year ago. 3 months in 9 years of using regularly, and those 3 months I still thought about using almost everyday. I recently attended my first AA meeting and then an NA meeting last night. What I didn't expect was the joy and the humour.

Boyh meetings I've attended have given me the same feeling as drugs used to. I end the meetings feeling almost like I'm levitating, on some sort of vulnerability high, excited not only for the next day but with renewed hope for my future. I think for me, I love an excuse to connect and be vulnerable and connect with others. This previously led me to doing drugs, almost as an excuse.

I think that knowing that there's a room full of people who believe in me despite my past, and have my best interest at heart, who (although they would never say it) I would let down if I was to use again, has drastically reduced my desire to ever partake in substance use again.

If you are browsing this sub and considering trying NA, my advice is just try it. If you have a negative (or even neutral) experience with one group, check out another. Ik it doesn't work for everyone, but my only regret is that I didn't attend sooner. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest.

I think my next step is to work with a sponsor, and once further along in my sobriety I want to lead a meeting, be a sponsor, and extend the compassion and grace I have been gifted in these meeting halls to newcomers like myself.

Sending love to each and every one of you and I hope today is kind to you all.

For some context, I recently had a 2 year sober (alcohol only, was still using, nothing hard but I was "california sober", smoking my body weight in weed, plus I would take the occasional stimulant if offered by a friend with a script) but I blew it for blow and some drinks with a person I know from work. I used to abuse harder substances very frequently (specifically during and right before COVID) and got into sex work super young so was around it all the time.

The longest I had been fully sober was around 3 months. 3 months in 9 years of using regularly, whether that was weed, pills, alcohol or stimulants, 3 months, and those 3 months I thought about using almost everyday.

I recently attended my first AA meeting and then an NA meeting last night. What I was met with was life changing for me. I went to a queer specific (although not closed to non queer people) because as a lesbian it was important to me to be amongst people of my community who are trying to stay sober, as substance abuse within the queer community is an ongoing issue.

The amount of genuine care, compassion and openness I experienced in both meetings was astounding. Addiction support groups had always seemed like something from movies, and not something I would enjoy partaking in so much (and how is everyone SO funny?).

Each meeting I've attended has given me the same feeling as drugs used to. I end the meetings feeling almost like I'm levitating, on some sort of vulnerability high, excited not only for the next day but with renewed hope for my future. I think for me, I love an excuse to connect and be vulnerable with other people and that was a huge part of why I used as I felt I could connect deeper than when I was sober/clean. Boy was I silly for thinking that.

When I hit my two years clean, although friends congratulated me, it felt like just another day passing, and I started to feel unmotivated to remain sober. Multiple things lead into the relapse (stress and existential dread mostly) but I do believe this was one of them. Some of my friends still use and can actually do that in moderation, and some don't drink or take drugs at all and never have, so I felt I had no one to go to who really understands what I'm dealing with.

I think that knowing that there's a room full of quasi-strangers who believe in me without question, and have my best interest at heart, who (although they would never say it) I would let down if I was to use again, has drastically reduced my desire to ever partake in substance use again.

Moral of the story is, if you are browsing this subreddit and considering going to NA or any support group for addiction, my advice is just try it. If you have a negative or even neutral experience with one group, check out another. If you try and it's not for you, that's fine if course, but my only regret is that I didn't attend sooner. Yes it's scary to open up and speak, you don't have to right away if you don't want to, but it is worth it.

I think my next step is to work with a sponsor, and eventually (once further along in my sobriety) I would love to lead a meeting, be a sponsor, and extend the compassion and grace I have been gifted in these meeting halls.

I am just so happy to be a part of something so meaningful. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Even people at work have commented on how much happier I am. Please try if you are considering.

Sending love to each and every one of you. Thank you for having me in this subreddit, and I hope today is kind to you all.