Rapture and reconciliation
A long history... I'd say at least five years of no intimacy with my wife we are both in our fifties. I felt rejected for many years and was told that somehow she got re traumatized (history of childhood trauma), and as a result sex left the scene. No real conversations, no serious attempts to work on the issues, no appropriate trauma informed sex therapy but mostly avoidance, blame and defensiveness. Then 3 or so years ago she had mental crisis, declared she did not want to be my wife and got involved in a long distance emotional affair that turned into physical. She filed, dismissed, filed again. The second time around I was done with it and moving on. But a few month after filing she asked for reconciliation, I agreed.
It's been a year since and not even a hint of intimacy, tenderness, touch or affection. Why? Because I have to create safety, you see I get to be responsible for her inner sense of safety while she is making little effort to help me heal from the betrayal.
I'm emotionally exhausted and have a difficult time to see light ahead, while she says she wants a healthy marriage but feels unsafe, unloved, not respected (which to me flips the situation 180). Any uncomfortable conversation (conversations a couple must have to heal after betrayal) becomes an overwhelm for her, she shuts down and leaves me alone with my pain and my grief.
Anyone can relate or had a similar experience?