u/tyklmonster925

I remember when I was in second grade I collected NFL team pencils with my best friend in the class - we bought them at the school bookstore. the Denver Broncos were the most sought-after one that year, neither of us having ever seen in all year. FINALLY, one day I saw one when my friend was not with me at the bookstore. He got SUPER jealous when i showed him, and obviously wanted it.

Now, a couple days later I did something that would have apparently "gotten me in trouble". He threatened to snitch on me to the teacher unless I gave him my Broncos Pencil. Very reluctantly, I gave it to him.

One day couple weeks later day my friend was in the bathroom and I took my pencil back from his pencil box, and put it in mine. I don't think I was planning to sneak and bring it back home, I think I was eventually going to open my pencil box, and use the pen openly (we sat next to each other all year). At this point even I realized it was such a petty thing to have happened now 2 weeks later, so what.)

Anyways, that Friday my parents confronted me (my parents were very good friends with my friends's parents) saying he got a call from my friend's mom that I stole from him. He came in SO hot yelling, at the time was in the pool in the backyard and he told me to get my ass inside, thiefs or liars don't get to use the pool. He convinced me at that moment that what I did WAS wrong, and I was a thief or a liar.

It was not until literally about 20 years later that I realized, oh shit! Context matters! I never even explained to my dad it was my pencil that my friend blackmailed me for, I was just taking back what was mine, and did not planning to try to hide it from my friend. His rage, anger and disgust convinced me I was wrong even when at 7 I didn't believe I was. I started acting out strange but pretty cliche OCD compulsions - counting syllables on my hand and only repeating myself sentences with even number sof syllables, thinking about repetitive thoughts "good guys" (Batman, Spiderman). When I was 12 my mom realized how severe it became, took me to the doctor and I was diagnosed.

Fast-forward to high school year, I had a prescription for Norco and LOVED it. It made my obsessions disappear and frankly just feel pure bliss. Fast forward to college I stopped taking opiates but the sketchy doctor I was seeing said "since you are going to get off these it will be tough, and you should take something to relax you". He prescribed me 30 10mg Diazepam and 30 2mg Clonopin. I didn't know too much about them at the time, but not long later I too realized they felt nice. Lastly, fast-forward to the time since - despite regular opiate and later just benzo use since I have lived what I would consider a successful life - wife I love, work/wife stays at home, a 4-year old, a dog, and a house. Unfortunately of most recently I relapsed again but recently completed 70 days clean. I'm also on Prozac for the OCD and 5 weeks after it am finally feeing like I think I should.

So, to summarize - even though I believe my dad's reaction that day (and how strict and angry he was in general) is likely to have helped cause my OCD, I understand I cannot blame the extent of my problems with addiction on him. I also want to note that my dad is a much different type of guy in his older age - he is not angry or cruel at all - he is quite generous, and loves nothing more than his grandson.

Sorry this post was so long. I am myself, long-winded. Maybe others think i have all wrong, I don't know. I just felt like I had to put this out there.

And ask you, what is the earliest (age up to 8) negative formative event that happened in your life, but would seem less dramatic to others?