A letter to my brother 🤍
My little brother is going into a several-tens-of-thousands treatment facility tomorrow... given that every other option we’ve taken for his recovery hasn’t provided a permanent resolve, it’s my families last available option we’ve yet to take (given the obvious cost issue). I plan on sending this to him in the morning before he goes in.
I’m casting this off into the virtual abyss in hopes it might help someone else in whatever way they may need it. For obvious reasons, names and locations have been changed.
Good morning Kevin!
I hope you slept well last night 🤍 I’m really happy that you’ve spent these last few days with mama, I hope you felt safe and loved and comfortable.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, take it and run with it! You’ve been through so much for several years too many. I wish I could’ve seen the world through your eyes and shielded you from it all but I know that often times, the world is strange, and the shitty stuff that make you feel suffocated and lost, end up being the things that give you a reason to turn it all around. Don't let all of this be for nothing, give all of this a reason... make today and tomorrow and the rest of your life that reason to turn it all around 🤍
Out of you, me, and John, I can't even deny it, ur the kindest, warmest, most likable, and funniest by a factor of 1,000 😂 you have qualities I've spent 30+ years trying to mold into who I am and for you it's in your nature. Anyone who knows you would love another 30, 40, 50 years of seeing that side of you, seeing you thriving, laughing! Feeling free, fulfilled and content, truly content!!
That dream I had, the one I told you I’d tell you about sometime? I had woken up at 3am on the dot, 5am your time in Tennessee. I had woken from a dream, which rarely ever happens (I don’t dream normally, and if I do, I only remember tinyyy bits and pieces). This time tho, I remembered every detail. It involved an old acquaintance from high school. He was loved by everyone, but sadly passed shortly after graduation from a motorcycle accident. I haven’t thought of him in years but still, he came to me in this dream. And in this dream, he was in a predicament very similar to yours. I was helping him, doing my best to keep him out of harms way. At some point, he had collapsed and as I went to help him, he held on to me and said “you have to save your brother, you need to save him now”.
And that was when I woke up. Turns out that was roughly the time that you had been told to get ready to leave the detention center. I had this unexplainable sense that you were already awake and were going to be leaving the detention center soon but I also felt that you probably still didn’t have your phone yet. It was the closest thing to maternal instinct I’ve ever felt, kinda crazy actually! I can’t imagine what mama feels haha!! When I called her, she said she was already on her drive to Tennessee... I think that her heading your way to be with you the day you were coming out was all a sign that this is your time to turn it all around ♥️
Being lost is okay, it’s a part of life. I haven’t lost faith in you. Me, mama, John, Phillip, all your friends who’ve been through it and gotten out? None of us have lost faith in you! We believe in you so much!! Just don’t lose faith in yourself 🤍 Be vulnerable in there with yourself. Be vulnerable with the staff and the others who you can relate to, who are also trying to change their lives for the better! Think about the things you want to see in the world, the experiences you want to have, the hobbies you’ve always wanted to start and never did... think of all of that! I’m going to Japan this year, and before I even thought about what silly things to buy for myself I thought “what might Kevin want? Maybe we can go there together someday with John!!” Let’s make that happen :)
I love you Kevin. I wish distance didn’t separate us the way it does but my heart holds SO much space for you, I wish I could put it into words. Believe in yourself and make this the first day of the rest of your life!! Put your past in a bottle and throw it into the “ocean”. Sure, it’ll always exist within your past, but cast it off into the distance and carry on into calmer seas 🥰 you have a whole crew of people to help carry and guide you onto shore. I love you so much, you will do so so SO well!