For those who’ve struggled with addiction: Did knowing someone still believed in you matter?
Hello everyone,
First of all, a HUGE congratulations to anyone who has succeeded in their journey to sobriety, and especially to those who are still trying to navigate it. I have so much respect for anyone fighting their way through this.
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, but I’m in love with someone struggling with addiction.
We spent 11 years together, and addiction ultimately stole the life we had built. We’ve been somewhat estranged for the past few years, but he still pops in and out of my life, and my love for him has kept me connected.
I understand that addiction is a disease. I also understand that he is responsible for his choices and actions, and I don’t want to use addiction as an excuse for things that have happened.
I try to be a safe person for him without enabling him. I won’t give him money or support his using, but I want him to know that he hasn’t been forgotten. That he isn’t worthless or beyond help because of the choices he’s made.
A lot of the people in his life have written him off. My friends don’t understand why I continue to care or why I haven’t completely walked away.
For me, it’s because I still see the person underneath all of this. I believe he’s still in there. Maybe one day he’ll decide that he wants a different life and choose to make different choices. If that day comes, I don’t want him to believe that everyone has given up on him or that there’s nobody left who sees him as a human being worthy of love and support.
He’s had other relationships, and I’ve tried dating too. The truth is, I’m still not completely able to let go and move forward.
So I wanted to ask people who have actually been through addiction:
When you were at your absolute worst, did it matter to you knowing that someone was still in your corner?
Did it mean something to know that someone could see past the addiction and the choices you were making and still see you?
Did it make you angry or uncomfortable? Did you want that person to go away? Or did knowing someone still believed there was a person underneath the addiction give you any hope?
I’m not asking whether I should stay or leave. I know I ultimately have to make decisions that protect myself too.
I’m really just trying to understand what it feels like from the other side.
Thank you for reading.