Hi all, just curious what made you decide to quit/get help. My partner is in active addiction and I feel like I've tried everything to help him but he still self-sabotages, isolates, and refuses to take any accountability. I've had to take a step back from him for a while because I can't continue watching him do this to himself. Of course, everyone is different but I am interested in hearing other people's experiences.
i’m 18F, just started college and now i can’t stop taking downers (muscle relaxers, opioids). i know it’s dumb, i know what it can do but it’s like i can’t make myself stop.
i only have them because of my severe cramps and since my mom felt bad her and her friend gave me some of their oxycodone and hydrocodone.
i’m scared i might overdose on accident
Been clean off meth and all other substances for four years. Two days ago I contacted an old dealer(it’s really impossible to eliminate their presence completely)
Had him blocked and everything but completely back slid four years of progress.
I’ve gotten a good job in the four years I’ve been clean. Got married and had two kids. I kept my kids completely separate from my stupid decisions for anyone wondering.
The last six months were particularly rough, my wife had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized and moved away for four and half months and left me alone out of the blue. We have very little support system and I had to pick up the pieces of everything.
We were considering divorce, our kids are little and high energy. It was a lot while working full time.
I’ve basically been trying to hold everything together and be perfect since my kids were born.
I’ve been in therapy for a year and a half and by the end I was feeling completely unheard. She was basically leaning into getting a divorce with my wife. I love my wife and we have reconciled and moved back in together.
I was open with the therapist about temptation that would come up when things got overly stressful and that I had tried SSRI’s and didn’t like how they made me feel, I also tried Wellbutrin.
I thought maybe I have adhd and Adderall might help me by being able to follow the doctors orders and plans.
I had a couple slip ups when my wife and I first got together but was always able to stop after one time.
I’m trying to give myself grace because in the past I’ve been extremely hard on myself basically feeling like a very shitty human all the time.
I know this was not okay at all so I’m still feeling a lot of that shitiness.
I was doing excellent for four years but temptation was always there. I know it’s not the life I want, It was just like for a minute I went back to my old addict self and said screw it and that’s a bit scary.
Judgments, comments and advice welcome. ✌️
Hey reddit,
This is my first post here. I'm 53 days in recovery now from substances. I'm struggling with feeling lonely and empty inside. I have a deep rooted need for being around people and being loved by people. I change myself to be accepted by others, to not feel the feeling of rejection. I sometimes don't even know who I really am anymore. The last couple of days I've been trying to be my authentic self again. But I just don't know who that is, I constantly feel fear that people don't like me and because of that I'll end up alone. I have a couple of friends and when I'm with them I don't feel lonely. But when they are away and I'm alone again the emptyness fills me up again. My self-esteem and self-love is almost non existing because of my core belief that I'm not allowed to be myself else people with hate me and because of that I'm alone and lonely again.
Sorry for my bad wording but it's a big struggle for me.
So I need some advice from people in recovery who did feel the same as I do most of the time. I want to know how I can grow in my self-esteem and self-love.
Sometimes it’s good to vent I guess that’s why I’m here. I’ve been on opis, mainly oxy, sometimes hydrocodone sometimes hydromorphone (but nothing beats the 80s) for about 5-6 years with heavy dabbling; with the last year and a half being pretty much daily use. I’ve been trying to get clean lately; for the past 3 months give or take a week I’ve been flipping between oxy and suboxone, and most of the time while I’m on the subs I still snort an 80 a day to just kind of manage the mental addiction. It just really makes me tired but I guess mentally that’s good enough? Idk. I usually take 2-3 80s, snorted to the dome a day. I just can’t keep myself in a straight line. I’ll switch to subs, say this is the last oxy I’m buying, then find an excuse to get back on. And sometimes I care, sometimes I don’t. But I gotta be there for my mom, and my girl. I hide it from them. I’m a very functioning addict. I make it work and that’s the problem. I’m not really in any debt, I work, but I have literally no savings thanks to this habit. I know it’s not working for my body. I feel sick. Sick like dying sick. Even when I’m high. Especially when I’m withdrawing, obviously lol. But tomorrow I’m trying again, I’m going to try to stick to the subs. We’ll see how that goes. I have 2 80s left I want to stretch out to ease with the transition onto subs. To avoid any precipitated withdrawal I’ll take my subs, then 20 - 30 mins later rail like 20mg and I never have any issues. Any oxy after that really doesn’t do anything. Just the mental part I think as I’ve mentioned. Anyway, wish me luck, I’ll need it. But I want to do it, at this moment, more than I want to get high. Just gotta try and remember this feeling, I guess. Thanks for reading. Take care all.
been in treatment about three weeks and now its time to look for a sober living and im worried that i will fuck it up again or that i will not be able to find a job to pay
dont know if it is even worth the going to but id be homeless if not
I find myself at the lowest dose of buprenorphine I have ever managed to get to, after 6 years of being on methadone and then over to subutex and feel generally good; however, I am very aware that my receptors are now open to other opiates. Recently I could not collect for two days and ended up using over the counter opiates. Previously, these would have done nothing, but this time I felt them.
I have slowly removed all the meds I was using to keep anxiety at bay: pregabalin, zopiclone and latterly Phenergan. I recognise that I am used to getting home from a difficult day and taking something to relax. I have started to notice I am drinking daily - not a lot, but daily. Last week I was removed from one antidepressant and then put on another. I was fine for a week, but now have not been able to sleep for 3 days and feel like I am going nuts. Very weirdly, the switch has caused my buprenorphine dose to do absolutely nothing; before this, I always felt it - now I feel nothing at all. This sudden loss of a crutch has made me extremely nervous about relapse on something that is not availible over the counter. I am not getting withdrawal, but the mild high is not there anymore.
I have a GP appointment later. Hopefully I get some clonidine and I have asked not to be prescribed anything habit forming.
I really need to talk to others that understand - my only friend is my wife and she has never so much as broken a speed limit. I am very reluctant to go to NA after a horrible experience with one group and then finding myself being offered drugs at another. I have never used H and I really want it to stay that way, especially with the amount of nitazienes about and the loss of two close friends to OD after relapse. I feel like as soon as I have access to them, I will be beyond redemption - this is also the reason why I have never delved into internet procurement, despite being capable of finding my way there.
Any advice is welcome. Anyone that has been there, I would love to hear from you. I am in the UK.
I feel fucking heart broken man. This is the most clean time I’ve managed to get in years and I’ve fucked it all up. I used, I’ve been using all night. It’s starting to wear off now and reality is setting in. I can’t believe I fucked this up. I’m so fucking pissed with myself. No one has to say anything, I just need to get this off my chest. Man. I’m so angry with myself right now…
EDIT/UPDATE: wow, I’m really grateful for all the support on this post, and albeit a bit overwhelmed so I’m sorry if I don’t reply to everyone on here, my minds just very scrambled, but just know that I’ve read what everyone has said and I’m truly grateful to you all.
It’s not like I want to be like this. I wish I could be happy, I wish I could be normal. I don’t want to be a slave. But I’ve been to rehab 10+ times and overdosed more times than that. I just can’t stop. There’s nothing my family has been able to do for me that’s helped. Nothing I’ve been able to do on my own. I’m 32 and I’ve been using since I was 12. Every time I got to rehab I tell myself “this is it. I’m done, I’m not going back. I’m not that person anymore.” And then I go 7 months and I’m back burning bridges and shooting dope. My sister died from this shit, and I’m just like her. I just wish I could stop. I wish I could be normal and happy. I want this to be over so bad.
Hi everyone, has anyone else experienced the same long-term MDMA abuse symptoms?
I used MDMA and cocaine for years, and since my last heavy use, I've had these symptoms since February, and they haven't changed. Has anyone else experienced the same? When will this get better? Have I permanently damaged my brain? I can barely function in my daily life.
I now know that MDMA is neurotoxic, but I never really thought about it before.
* I hear spoken words, but my brain doesn't process the content properly.
* I can barely follow conversations because entire sentences don't register.
* The same applies to written texts: I can read the words, but I can't grasp the meaning of entire sentences or paragraphs and have to reread them repeatedly.
* I can barely follow movies or TV series due to the lack of language processing.
* I also find it difficult to formulate sentences myself and express myself verbally.
Hi everyone,
I ended up in the ER at 3 AM with excruciating pain from an ovarian cyst, related to fertility meds I was previously taking. I was barely able to walk, talk and was shaking and vomiting because of the pain. I never experienced a pain like this.
The ER doctor knew about my history of opioid addiction and could see that I had previously been on methadone and buprenorphine, but still gave me morphine in the ER and prescribed norco.
I spoke with my addiction doctor, and he told me that having a history of addiction does not mean I should have to suffer in severe pain and that I should be able to utilize these medications only when necessary. My husband is holding onto the medication and will only give it to me if I truly need it. I have no desire to take it otherwise, especially while going through my fertility journey.
Is this normal? I always assumed doctors would avoid prescribing opioids completely if they saw a history of addiction (2 years sober from oxy). For those with a similar history, have doctors still treated your severe pain with opioids, or have you ever been denied them because of your history? Although I’m grateful they took my pain seriously, it still took me by surprise.
I'm on day 11 off Methadone I would take 150mg daily sometimes more, but I kicked it with SR (I made it 15 days before but that was my first attempt then 1 day relapse of Methadone and then went 13 days, then relapsed again then went 8 days, and so-on and etc. and I kept yo-yo Methadone doses while taking SR to get off of it, and I still had a load of it in my system so I didn't feel what I'm feeling now when I first went 15 days off methadone) and I know its still in my system of course right now, my last dose was 20mg though, but I'm suicidal, I have no energy, I'm short of breath, the anhedonia is crippling, depression, anxiety. How long does it take to feel somewhat normal and functional again especially energy-wise and anhedonia-wise? I cant take this any longer it's killing me.
Any answers help thank you in advance to whoever replies, any advice or words of support or experience help and mean the world to me.
Hi so i am currently on 145 mg of methadone and get 27 take homes. I’m also in chronic pain and i the last maybe 4 months have been misusing my methadone like i’ll take extra on days my pain is really bad mind you this is how my addiction started and it was to methadone as i was on methadone for pain i would take one extra pill then one became two and two became three and three became ten. Anyway back then i would run out of the methadone pills and go through withdrawal which was the worst experience i ever had. Fast forward to now i’ve been clean for 8 years my pains getting worse and worse so im taking a little out of each bottle then a little more extra and this month i got a call back and im 8 bottles short. i should have ten left i have 2 so i tell the nurse im on vacation and i called and told the front desk, ive been there for four years never had a dirty urine it failed a callback they believe me tell me to come in when i’m home. So here i am what the fuck am i going to do i’m going to have to skip those 8 days im short and take my lumps with the withdrawals. Yesterday was my 8th day im going in this morning , i skipped those 8 days and didn’t have one withdrawal symptom, well i was in god awful pain but i have chronic pain that’s expected. no anxiety, no insomnia slept every night except last night its 330am im awake i couldn’t sleep. No stomach issues no diarrhea no restless legs..what is going on? Does anyone know why i made it through these 8 days no methadone not one issue i coasted through them.. did have cravings though but sheer willpower i did it. I was thinking yesterday that hy go back to the clinic why not just stay off…then i remembered PAWS and the 6months of no sleep for the first week and then the next 6 months if i slept 2 hours a night i was lucky..i was hallucinating from no sleep and the anxiety had me almost suicidal so that slapped that idea out of my mind, but does anyone know why i didn’t get sick? And when i go in im going to be honest with them. My recovery isnt real if i lie.
Hi guys, so basically I’ve abused for a few years oxycodone, reached a point where I used to take 10-15pills a day of oxycontin 80mg; I decided to get clean and started methadone 1 year and a half ago 180mg a day. I’m on 1mg a day right now, and literally don’t know hot to quit. Ho should I stop? Should I take it every other day instead of everyday? In the clinic they didn’t tell me how to act, especially because they are used to people being on methadone for life, and nobody reaches 1mg of taper off this much. What kind of symptoms should I expect and the withdrawals will be “severe” or “mild”? How did you cut it off completely without going cold turkey.
Also I take Diazepam, Alprazolam and Pregabalin, those meds should help in case of withdrawals? What do you recommend? (I’ve experienced withdrawal once during my addiction, on day 4 i was puking blood, literally, almost ended up in ER)
My husband has an issue with 7oh/mgm addiction essentially to kratom. He previously had an issue with heroine and things before we met, and during that time he lied, stole and don’t all those sorts of things. 10 years ago he went to rehab and 8 years ago we got together.
There have been occurrences throughout our relationship where he’d lied, stole, and did everything but physically abuse me or cheat on me (that I know of). I guess the longer I stuck around and enabled him he continued.
I’ve gave him countless chances and forgiveness to make things right. And received empty promises, half truths about how bad things were and lies about him stopping.
I searched AI groups and learned I’m not alone, I’m enabling him an even read stories and watched videos of people leaving their partners to get the stuff together and reconciling.
Sometimes I think we’re better apart, but I also realize I love him.
I found a place to live apart from him, I pay the deposit Thursday and move on the 27th. This morning before him knowing my plans he went to the hospital and a treatment center and started Methadone with the plan to do it for a few months, and get off kratom and everything completely.
He came back and I told him I’m moving out. I’m not enabling him an I also need him to figure his stuff out independently. I need to know he can manage his sobertity through the hard and difficult parts, take care of himself and all the things he needs to do as he goes through this transition.
So far as of today he will have daily check ins for Methadone or suboxone I’m not sure, he will do to AA meetings and speak to a counselor. He says when he’s done his goal is to try to work in the field to help others. He said he wanted to years ago when he first got out of rehab but thought it would get him back on drugs. He’s said now he knows he can help and not get back on stuff, as long as he works on himself and sees this through.
I woke up this morning to him gone and a text message saying he was tired and was at the hospital talking to someone to admit he has an issue and wanted help.
I want to make things work but I can’t keep enabling him and I need to know he will follow through and seek help outside of thinking he can do it on his own. Because he can’t.
I talked about marriage counseling as well once I’m all moved out and seeing where that goes and even what the counselor suggests. Thanks to anyone who’s read this far.
I’m in college and completely ruined my reputation this past year by blacking out all the time and getting arrested. I lost my entire friend group. Nobody talks to me anymore. I’ve been 2 months sober after going to rehab and I wrote a long apology to two of my friends and both of them said they wish the best for me but can’t remain friends with me. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost everybody to this stupid disease. I thought people would give me another chance after getting sober, but my reputation got so fucked up that nobody wants to associate with me anymore. I feel so alone and I cannot believe this is my life. These people meant the absolute world to me and now I have to start all over again. I just need some advice or how do I even handle this without relapsing. Does it ever get better?
I just relapsed & I am feeling like crap! Anyone have any experience dealing with the white devil?
Hello- our child (17) has expressed a desire to attend support groups for recovery from alcohol and SUD as they transition home from a 28 day inpatient program. Her program recommended alateen but that seems to be more geared towards teens impacted by others use (but perhaps I am wrong?). We have found a handful of virtual Smart Recovery groups but almost nothing else for teens. Is anyone aware of virtual options appropriate for teens?
Hi, I've been wanting to help people in my community for a while, specifically drug users. I commonly see drug users on the corner of my street, obviously on drugs or waiting for their supplier. My community is known for poverty and crime so they're fairly neglected and don't get the support they need. I've been collecting lots of narcan that I've been planning to give to them. The issue is that I don't know how to approach them in a way that wouldn't seem accusatory. Considering that there's many cops in this area and surveillance, I know that they're probably not keen on someone accusing them of being a drug user and are on the defense understandably. Any advice on how to make them feel comfortable? Thanks!
Hello, I have a young, just turned 24yrs old, family member in an inpatient rehab right now. We are extremely proud of him for going and for recognizing and wanting help with alcohol mainly. We hope that this will stop the smoking (pot,cigarettes,vaping) as well. When he drinks he is verbally abusive, and physically destructive. He‘s been in rehab for 2 weeks. the first week was detox then a week with the daily activities they have. This is extremely expensive since insurance doesn’t cover it. We are terrified that he will leave and go back to drinking and that he won’t survive it. He is saying that it’s a bit weird there but hasn’t said what yet. Everything I read about rehabs makes them sound like they are not the best, he only gets one chance at this. What is the best way to make sure he gets the skills or knowledge he needs there to ensure he can lead a long, healthy and happy life? What if there is something off about the place? The idea of him leaving so soon seems like he hasn’t had time to really get help. I hope this is okay to ask here. Thank you.