I’m getting sent away
I’m 15, my mom wants me gone
I think things started changing around 6th and 7th grade. I got my first boyfriend, started exploring things, and wanted more freedom. My mom found out about my boyfriend buying me gifts, caught me on the phone late at night, and found out about other things I was doing.
We started having more problems, and I got into fights at school and received in-school suspension. Around that time, I was also exploring my sexuality. Some things I did were out of curiosity, and other things happened because of peer pressure. I wasn’t necessarily trying to rebel against my mom. I was just young and trying things without really thinking about the consequences.
In 7th grade, my mom found out I had sent nudes to a boy, and that was a whole situation. Things got worse when I changed schools. I was accused of bullying a girl, had problems with the principal, and eventually my mom decided to send me to Nigeria.
I stayed with my mom’s friend and her family for a while. During that time, I got into a lot of trouble. I fought someone, stole money, found out about cheating in the family and told my aunt because I thought I was helping, and got caught with a vape. I also stole phones from kids because I didn’t have my own phone. Looking back, I know those things were wrong, and I’m not trying to make excuses for them.
At one point, my mom took away my things, and there was barely any food in the house. I went to my grandma’s house because I was hungry. When my mom found out I wasn’t home, everything turned into a big argument. My grandma told her what had been happening, and I felt like everybody was against me. My dad didn’t believe me either.
My relationship with my dad has always been complicated. He was abusive and controlling toward my mom, and their relationship had a lot of problems. They separated years ago, but I still wished they could be together sometimes.
Eventually, my mom sent me to stay with my aunt in a village in Nigeria. I was only 13. While I was there, I got involved with a 27-year-old man. At the time, I thought I was in love with him. He had helped me before, and I thought I could trust him. I was young and didn’t fully understand everything I was getting myself into.
After that, I was sent to a Catholic boarding school.
I stayed there for months without seeing my mom or having normal contact with my family. The school was strict, the food was limited, and I was lonely. I even spent my birthday there without my mom or my twin. I tried to stay positive, but honestly, it was hard.
During a break, I found out my dad was in Nigeria, so I went to see him. My mom and aunt were angry, but I wanted to spend time with him. I eventually went back to boarding school, struggled with my classes, and later saw my mom and brother again. My dad helped me return to America.
When I came back, I started talking to my ex again. My grandma gave me $25 for Valentine’s Day, and I used it to get him an Uber to come over. I posted it on Snapchat, and my mom’s friend found out. My mom took my phone, got angry, and started calling me names. I went to my school counselor, but she brought my mom into the situation without telling me first, which made everything more stressful.
Since then, there have been more problems. My mom found a weed pen in my bag, and I lied about it being mine even though I knew it was. She also found out about a personal item I had bought. My grandma ended up telling my mom things about my past that I wasn’t ready for her to know. My mom got really upset and called me a slut, a prostitute, and a criminal. She took my phone, checks my things, and doesn’t really give me privacy anymore.
I don’t even have my own room right now. I sleep in the same bed as my mom, and I feel like I have no space to myself.
My mom is also upset about my school attendance. I take AP and honors classes, and I know I have absences and tardies that I need to work on. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I do care about school and my future. I want to do better, and I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes.
What hurts is that my mom has physically hurt me before. She’s punched me, beaten me, and dragged me during arguments. It doesn’t happen as often now, but I still worry about things getting worse. I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable going to about all
of this, and that makes everything feel even harder.
Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve being treated this way. I know I’ve made mistakes, and I’m willing to admit that. I know stealing, lying, fighting, and vaping weren’t right. But I also feel like my mom sees me as nothing but my mistakes, even though I’m trying to change.
I’m scared she might send me back to Africa again. I’ve thought about calling CPS, but I’m scared of what would happen. Where would I live? Would I still be able to go to school and graduate? What would happen to my phone and everything else?
I want to graduate next year and become a CRNA one day. I want to have a good career and build a life for myself. Sometimes I feel like I should just stop going out, stop talking to people, and focus on school until I can eventually be independent.
I don’t want to act like I’m the victim in every situation because I know I’ve done things wrong. But I also don’t think I deserve to feel this way all the time.
I’m just tired. I want things with my mom to get better, but I also want to feel safe and have some peace. I want to be able to grow up, learn from my mistakes, and move forward without feeling like my past is going to follow me forever.