Feeling all the feels especially with T2D
I’m 10 weeks and 2 days today, and I just feel so overwhelmed about everything. I suffer from GAD and MDD. My husband and I have talked about having another kid earlier this year, but I stated that I don’t feel like I’m mentally ready to have another one. We already have two kids, and our youngest (6 y.o.) is a lot on her own already. Come end of May, I get two positive tests and confirmation from OB. This started a lot of crying and overthinking everything. I’m happy about it now, but just scared.
Growing up was hard as it was having a narcissistic parent and trying to prove to the rest of my family that I was not going to end up like her (teen mom and addicted to d**gs), so being an adult just has my mind constantly thinking people (mostly family) are judging me for becoming pregnant again with how life has been recently. I know I shouldn’t give two shits about what people think, but GAD at its finest with my mind constantly thinking about everything. Not only that, but I was Type 2 Diabetic before getting pregnant and was managed with GLP-1 medication, which again, I feel like I’m being judged for being T2D. Now, I’m having to see a Diabetic Specialist to help manage my diabetes during this pregnancy, but she made me feel like complete shit that I pretty much almost panicked during our first appointment.
My first appointment was 2 weeks ago and my kids came with me just because 1. My husband was working 2. I didn’t have anyone to watch them at the time and 3. I couldn’t cancel. I was also told it was just an appointment. Not a “class” so I didn’t think anything of it as they have came with me to numerous appointments before. First thing out of the doctor’s mouth when she walked in was “oh… you brought your kids.” Yeah, I wouldn’t have if I was actually told what this “appointment” was actually going to be. About 10 minutes go by and she starts telling me “your pancreas is pretty much done and it can never go back to being normal. That being said, you’re destroying your baby’s pancreas as well before they’re even born. You’re also going to have complications and might need a c section or induction as well.” Youngest child was causing some problems and was not listening because she didn’t have breakfast yet, so que the panicking because I was getting overwhelmed by her and what the doctor just told me. Chest started tightening and I could feel tears filling up my eyes, but I had to breathe through it all. Beginning of the year, my A1C was between 9-11. After my first OB appointment, it was 6.7 which I get is still high, but better than it was before. I’ve cut out regular soda about 99% of the time and barely eat any sweets so it’s mostly just the carbs. I’ve also been trying to go for a walk every night with my oldest at the track. OB had put me on a long lasting insulin.
This past week, that doctor was on vacation so I was scheduled to see a different doctor who didn’t make me feel like shit at all. She answered all of my questions, recommended my OB put me on a short acting insulin for meals, and made me feel like I was an actual human being. Not someone who was “k**ling” their unborn baby. This week, I have to see the original doctor again, and I’m dreading it. I know I can ask for a different doctor, but I’m scared it’s just going to be the same thing all over again (most likely just my anxiety). The fill in I saw was just that. Just a fill in and not someone I can continuously see.
I guess my point with this post is that I just needed to vent, but to also get everyone else’s stories with being T2D during pregnancy. I know I’m not the only one dealing with shit like this, but my mind keeps telling me that I’m all alone. And after what the first doctor said, I’m really scared for this pregnancy in general.