We are all trying to prove to our younger self that we are cool or hot and its pointless
I heard this in a podcast and it resonated with me. As gays, a lot of us never had a high school romance and we connected this to our self worth. We felt that we weren't cool enough or that we weren't hot enough to get the attention of the guys we liked.
Now as adults, we hook up constantly and chase unrealistic standards to prove to our younger selves that we are that guy. That we're cool and we're hot.
And honestly, that gets you nowhere and just adds to the hole you're in. Maturing and peace occurs, when we accept that you can never go back in time and change the past. You don't have to prove anything to past version of yourself because the past doesn't exist - only the present is real.
That means really questioning if the decisions you're making are based on what you currently want or whether you're trying to appease a ghost.