Hi!

I work in tech and am looking to get headshots done for LinkedIn and work use, it’s been a while since I’ve updated my photo.

I want something that feels fresh and professional, but not stiff. laid-back millennial/Gen Z energy lol: no white collared shirt and blazer against a boring office background.

Does anyone know a photographer who can nail that vibe? Bonus points if they’re a queer artist.

Thanks!

Glad somewhat to be back, but wondering after almost 6 months, is most fun focused around HK?

I heard this in a podcast and it resonated with me. As gays, a lot of us never had a high school romance and we connected this to our self worth. We felt that we weren't cool enough or that we weren't hot enough to get the attention of the guys we liked.

Now as adults, we hook up constantly and chase unrealistic standards to prove to our younger selves that we are that guy. That we're cool and we're hot.

And honestly, that gets you nowhere and just adds to the hole you're in. Maturing and peace occurs, when we accept that you can never go back in time and change the past. You don't have to prove anything to past version of yourself because the past doesn't exist - only the present is real.

That means really questioning if the decisions you're making are based on what you currently want or whether you're trying to appease a ghost.

look. i’m 27, new to nyc, im having a lot of fun with kissing strangers in the club, hooking up here and there, and my body seems to be unable to take it. i’ve been sick 3 times within just a couple of months, i usually get sick maybe twice a year. i started taking vitamins, currently have tonsillitis (something i’ve gotten a couple of times in the past). the first 2 times i was sick seemed to be while i was having a particularly fruitful week, which is like swapping spit with 4 about different people??

how are the sluts living their lives and NOT regularly getting sick? i’m so serious. I’m about to start packing salt water or something to gargle at the club. i work a customer facing job but ive always worked customer facing jobs and have never gotten sick so often, i feel like it has to be from my new habits.

Are there any good therapists out there for gay body image? I’ve undergone a huge physical transformation over the past few years and lost about 70 pounds total. Recently I’ve been really focused on getting BF down and increasing muscle. I look a lot different, but I’m still not where I’d like to be.

Weirdly I feel worse now than I did when I was much bigger. Every torso I see that is leaner than mine just feels like a threat (which I know it isn’t), and reminder that I’m not there YET. It’s also getting hard to distinguish attraction from aspiration.

Anyone else going through a weight loss journey struggle with the same thing? What helped you get out of the funk?

I haven’t left my apartment in almost 2 months lol. Not sure what the point of this post was — just venting I guess and seeing if anyone can relate. I’m so envious of you folks posting about going to gay bars, sex parties, etc. and just living your gay lives to the fullest (as you should!! No hate at all)

Edit: I’ve also been in therapy for almost two decades and tried like 15-18 different antidepressants. But I genuinely appreciate all you guys’ responses on ways to help and for just listening in general.

So big sad first for me. I don’t really hookup at all and don’t do the best on the apps. Mostly new to stuff with dudes beyond a few BJs.

Met a dude that was really hot and we shared face and body pics. We really vibed and had great convos. I didn’t mind a “pen pal” as we had exact humor and banter. He was also super understanding about my first time actually fucking jitters. I’m abbreviating it but first convo with a dude that I felt that comfortable.

Unfortunately we were just both busy. A bunch of missed moments (he was free but I had a work deadline etc). Also different boroughs made late night stuff hard.

We finally decided to plan to meet up. Again fell through, something held him up and the free day was gone. Really sucked since I was really looking to it.

Afterwards it was touch and go but bad logistics then he was traveling and it went inactive (the thing just said offline).

A number of months pass and IG recommended me his account. I decided to reignite it and messaged him. He added me back and then blocked me after I followed up. It was a polite “hey we spoke, stumbled on your IG, down to reconnect if you’re interested”

I know this is a peanuts problem but it just sucks. First dude who seemed perfect on paper. Hot, cool, same humor, and mutually interested.

Then just logistical misses and then not even a whimper of a block.

A possible concern was my IG account has no posts so maybe it was strange. The most likely reason is he got into a different headspace after a few months and me, just a stranger, messaging like so was weird.

Just wanted to vent and maybe hear some opinions. Thanks.

I know about The Rambles, McCarren park, WTC and Grant Central but any other hot spots in Manhattan or Brooklyn? Also open to the Bronx. I know Sniffie shows spots but sometimes they don’t seem to actually be spot or at least not popular ones.

Hey! So what’s the tea on the warehouse parties for pride? Out of towner visiting with my bestie for NYC pride for the FIRST TIME <3, looking for ideas of parties / warehouse events to goto. Or if there’s a groupchat/info page.

I’ve been to horsemeat disco before, so looking for similar but also willing to try new things. I heard bound at basement was gonna be busy? what’s the vibe (all white gays ? muscle? twinks?) and scene (techno, circuit, leather/kink, queer, etc) of the events? also love a darkroom haha.

I really appreciate it! lmk

EDIT: Yes we have RA here in LA as well, but I can tell anyone who visits LA the vibe of each party, crowd, etc which RA can’t. I don’t expect out of towners to know local insight of the parties based off a directory. It’s like when foreigners think LA gay party culture is just the abbey.

Hi - My boyfriend is looking to find a better haircutter than the barber he goes to now. He is Chinese-American so he is looking for someone who is comfortable and familiar with cutting Asian hair. Does anyone have a recommendation with price point? Thanks much in advance:)

I’d manage my time well and write a goodbye note to everyone and photocopy it 100x, workout, tell a few guys I’m having a farewell party at my house (mercy fuckss), and invite every hot man I’ve ever known to share those beautiful moments with

Hello, all!

My husband and I (29 & 32) moved to Brooklyn a few weeks ago and are excited for our first Pride in NYC.

We are looking into the many Pride events that are being held in the city, but as you can imagine, are getting a bit overwhelmed with how much is out there (what a good problem to have!).

If you had to pick 3-4 activities/events/locations that every gay man should absolutely be a part of during Pride month, I'd love to know! Thanks.

Curious to see if someone could take me there and tell me about it. I am 23 5’11 175 average

I'm sure this will get heavily critiqued but I hope its taken in good faith. I'm debating my therapist about this topic, so my goal here is not to drag anyone down, but to figure out a path forwards for myself. I've noticed something interesting on apps / when I go out to various venues (some circuit, some not). I articulated these "trends" to my therapist for insight (and I have worked with both a black and white gay therapist and one married to a POC FWIW).

For context: I'm >6'0, muscled/fit, told I'm handsome looking and have a solid career etc so am not struggling by any means. I am mixed race (not african, other mixes, but you can assume brown skin to keep things simple). I also want to highlight that I don't mean to segregate people just my colour or physical attributes only, but am doing so to explain trends I am seeing only.

On GR - if I leave my profile blank and just put my height + weight + muscled, and nothing else, almost every white guy I reach out with just 'hi/hey' to will respond (even with a pic) and once they see my pic it will either be crickets, or silent disengagement. This is for literally anyone except a) a much older guy who likely has 'been around' b) someone unfit (and even then its still pulling teeth). The only times a fit guy (not muscled, i just mean someone who runs or so) will continue talking to me is a) if they want to btm (only) b) are heavily drugged up in some way c) are taken in some way. I have tested this across various locations in Manhattan and BK. I've also been invited to a 'hot guys group' and get accepted to MMX and the like (so clearly physically tick the boxes) yet never met anyone through those.

Now for POCs: till date, a black guy has never replied or approached me on the apps, pics present or otherwise. Latino guys are hit and miss - usually he ones visiting reply, or are escorts (and sometimes we will still hookup for fun lol) or taken (which I dont engage with, regardless of race). In the rare case I find another middle eastern man - he is btm only, visiting, or something else is 'wrong' (but as I said, its rare to find on apps). This makes the "date your own race" argument pretty difficult when <5% of profiles engaging are POCs.

On dating apps like Hinge - I only get matches with people who are unemployed, unfit (which btw isn't a filter criteria for me, if I like their face that holds more weight), much older, partnered (yes, partnered). And their opening message is "are you real" or similar (probably because I don't have social media) and it goes nowhere. This is across all races, but I will say its more like 20% likes sent are other POC's and the rest are white.

East Asian guys will only approach me to btm (and usually are <5'5) and similarly South Asian guys are typically much shorter (and I don't go for <5'5 ish of any race as it feels weird period) and/or just not in shape and the 1-2 I found who were good looking ignore me. I've never had any request beyond btm'ing from these groups either.

When I went to Miami, and a few other places (like Mexico) I had the complete opposite experience - with the same profile/stats/pics. Extremely hot / muscled dudes (all races - except black still for some reason - even mixed Black ignore me) would approach me, even on the street. Several said they wanted to date me and would fly to NY to see me. Several intro-d me to their friends / groups and actively asked if I was single, looking to date etc. This really confused me because some of these guys felt way beyond my league, and then when I genuinly expressed this (even in therapy / to friends and showed their pics), they looked at me like 'what is wrong with you' - but I come from cities where I've constantly been devalued, so don't have this massive ego thinking I'm a 10/10, so I'm not surprised.

I totally understand people have their "preferences" and all but I am honestly baffled how my options and treatment is drastically dropped here because of simply who I am. And this is not a white bashing - I've been to POC specific parties - and my treatment there is even more isolating. As I am mixed no one fully includes me - I'm never 'fully' in anyones culture - so its even more isolating. I remember one guy blanketly saying I don't belong there to a friend (loud enough so I heard) - treatment I never faced in a "white centric" party for example.

Is this just how its going to be in NY?

Note: for purely platonic friendships, I am not picky at all, but have often found the friendships I am forming are with guys who are partnered, older (which is fine) and not sharing fitness as an interest (which is also fine) and often white (European though, not American). These last too and I value them. However, the path of friend -> partner is "cut off" here because there is literally 0 chance of anything building (which is fine, thats not the goal of the friendship, just oversharing.

Disclaimer: I stay anon on Reddit so please do not DM me for pics / my social media etc.

I'm planning to go to Brazil for the first time in winter wondering how long it takes to get the tourist visa?

Hi! I’m a gay actor and singer and I’m looking for a gay (or lgbtq+ friendly) vocal coach in NYC. I used to only have female vocal coaches but I took some lessons from a male coach and everything just seemed to click a lot more.

Any names, links to websites or socials would be greatly appreciated!

I’ve been more conscious of where I spend my money and want to spend it on/ support other gays/queers.

Thank you :)

[Spots filled] Thank you folks for all the replies. Given that we usually host around 8-10 people each dinner to have a nice experience for everyone, I am closing the registration for now. For those who already responded before the morning of May 20th, we have spots for you, so just come at 6:30 PM this Saturday at De Mole in Williamsburg!

For everyone else, we are sorry we are not able to accommodate. But if you are interested, we will announce our next gathering in a few weeks for our June gathering. Meanwhile, if you want, DM me and I can add you to our group chat. Cheers!

Hi Peeps, I am hosting for the past few months a monthly gathering where we explore the food scene in NYC together 😄. This weekend we are meeting again at De Mole in Williamsburg! It is a great Mexican place. If you want some good Mexican food and great companions, come hang out with us on May 23rd at 6:30 PM!

If you are interested, comment in this thread and we will save you a spot!

I don’t see any bears in NYC at all.