u/urmumfr

Long story short, I have made some very very poor decisions personally that I'm currently working on but I'm very very in debt, to the tune of about 85k.

I am wondering if anyone has any advice on talking to the CC companies ahead of doing something like a bankruptcy or a consumer proposal. I haven't missed payments yet, but I worry it's coming down the pipeline now with costs of living, I want to get ahead of it.

I quit today. Again.

I'm new here (and to Reddit). I'm 43(f) and I joined specifically for this type of group.

I'm really sorry about how rambling this is, I can't seem to think straight right now. I have a problem, I really like online gambling. It's been so easy to do, it feels somehow productive but it's destroying my life.

I have tried to stop a few times, I installed blocksite and even paid for a year of the upgraded service but it doesn't seem to stop me. And I feel terrible and I tell myself in my head that I need to stop, that I'm terrible, that this is awful and nothing about what I'm doing is going to help me. I've joined HabitDrop and that helped for about a month. I have closed accounts and self-excluded but it's just a step away to sign up for new accounts and not to brag, but I can get that set up in seconds, I'm damn near a pro at it.

My husband knows now and it's uncomfortable. Every time he starts a conversation off with 'So' I feel my skin prickle and my heart race and I feel sick to my stomach. He's mad so he's distanced himself. I get it, he's entitled to be angry with me, but it's hard because he's my support system. I don't feel like I can ask him to 'be more supportive of my attempt to break this horrible cycle.

Right now I'm over 80k in debt, credit cards maxed, payday loans coming up for payments, and stressed to the gills about making payments. Today was the first time I spent money I didn't have. I don't know what to do. We literally have nothing now until my husband gets paid on Tuesday and a third of that has to go to a payday loan. We have kids, like wtaf did I do? What if we need gas, or groceries? I can't actually believe I did that. I just am still sick over it.

So I guess I'm here to ask for advice. What to do, how to block effectively on my phone, how to deal with crushing debt, how to feel like an actual person again instead of a piece of garbage.

I want to be successful this time around. I want to be done.