Pretty much what’s in the title. I’m being dramatic, emotional, and mean to people around me. It’s like I keep saying things, hearing myself, and then being immediately ashamed. It’s something weed won’t fix, so it’s not tempting me to back. It’s just hard and I wanted to share.
This is my first full day clean for months. Everything got thrown out and I’m currently not doing too well. Toward the end what ultimately reminded me that this isn’t a good thing for me was anxiety, irritability, and mood swings, but the odd thing is that those seem to be my strongest feelings right now (even stronger).
I was on the pen (and the gas station crap at that), and would rip it constantly, so I’m actually a bit worried about coming off this time.
I will say that being clean today really cleared my head. It really made me realize how much time this stole from me. And I don’t even mean the time to physically use, but the time that just slipped away. Makes me wonder how much more I could’ve done these past few months.
There is the downside that things just feel…loud…right now. The day feels long with that extra time, even if having it is good. I can see more about what I’m working on and enjoy things more. But I get overwhelmed more easily. I’m not saying that to question my decision, it actually gives me some clarity about *why* I was using. I’m a grad student. Things in life get loud. Things get tiring and tedious and long. So at least now I have a starting point for finding healthier coping strategies.
Has anyone else come off of those gas station pens? How tough was it?