I left my old job after she passed and started a new one so I could be closer to our son and the pay will eventually be better but it has lately been harder and harder to wake up and go to work. It feels draining and I don’t want to do it anymore.
I lost her in April. My wife, my everything. We have a corgi and we were going to introduce our first child, a beautiful boy together. She got sick with flu like symptoms that turned to mycoplasma while she was pregnant. She was transferred from our local town’s hospital to a hospital in Vegas where she ended up having an emergency c section in order to save her and our child. Our baby was born at 25 weeks, a preemie, and she had to be transported to another hospital in Vegas to get the proper life support she needed, which was va ecmo, dialysis, and a ventilator. That hospital couldn’t get her better so she was transferred to the specialist unit in ucla in hopes that she would get better. I didn’t leave her side. This all started in January and she passed in April. Our son is still alive and is the only reason I’m still breathing as well. My mom is helping me by taking care of my son because I can hardly take care of myself. I don’t know where a safe place is to talk about this stuff and all I know is that there is a subreddit for widowers like me. I visit her grave 2-3 times a day. I miss her so much. I don’t even know what I expect by posting this, I’ve been drinking. I might delete this in the morning. I’m sorry if I upset anyone in this subreddit. It’s good to note that when she was transported to ucla in February, she was woken up and I got to spend that time with her, watching her favorite movies together. I just really thought and prayed that she would have a miracle, a miracle to come home and hold her son, our son. I almost feel guilty to be alive, especially when I see our beautiful boy. I just want to be with her and hope to wake from a terrible terrible dream.