u/valasandra

This city is so dead at night. That was going to be the title of this post, but it sounded far too ominous and this is just a social commentary. It wasn't always this way. There was clearly a point where this changed, and I presume the pandemic was the inflection point. But seriously...damn. The bars aren't busy during a show, and they are totally dead afterward.

I don't have a point other than lamenting the loss of the social aspects of this city. Town, not city. Maybe village. What's a step below village? Intersection with a blnking light. That feels like Lansing these days. Maybe I'm just in the wrong place at the wrong time though. I mean, you just step away for three and a half or so decades and everything changes...it's not right. There's no place for the vamps to vamp these Wednesday nights.

I've been on HRT for 2.5 years. Until a month ago, I was on estradiol patches and spiro. 6 months ago I added progesterone. Over the last month, I've switched to injections. And that is when I started losing my control over my emotions.

I am taking things way too personally lately. I'm feeling frustrated and it is coming out during meetings. I'm starting to get paranoid that I could lose my job if this keeps up.

I cried today during a Zoom meeting. I turned my camera off so my co-workers wouldn't notice. This morning was also my weekly injection, and I'm starting to wonder if I should shift my injection schedule from Wednesday mornings to Friday evenings. But I don't have enough evidence that the injection timing is the cause.

I've also talked with my GAC provider, therapist, and paychiatrist about this. I mentioned that it wasn't enough of a problem but I wanted to monitor it for a while before making changes to my other meds (wellbutrin and adderall). One hypothesis (of mine) is that my gender dysphoria may have been the reason I was struggling with depression in the first place, and maybe now it is having a negative affect by keeping my seratonin levels hogher than I need. A second theory is that this is actually totally normal and I just need to deal with the intensity of these emotions on my own?

Have any of you found any particular adjustments in similar meds or injection timing to be beneficial in managing emotional state?

Edit: Another thought. I may cut caffiene out of my diet and see if that makes any difference. That is easy enough to test.