Hello everyone!

I tried realy har to write this!

So I've been working on an original story for quite some time, and I've reached the point where I have a lot of ideas for the world, characters and lore, but I'm not sure anymore whether everything fits together as well as I think it does.

So I wanted to share the basic concept and some of the lore and get some honest feedback. I'm especially interested in hearing if anything feels too complicated, cliché, confusing, or unnecessary.

The basic premise

The story takes place in a future version of Earth after a catastrophic event connected to humanity's first contact with non-human civilizations.

After the catastrophe, the world changes dramatically. Technology advances, but at the same time something much older begins to emerge: magic, supernatural entities, monsters and mysterious "aspects" that allow certain people to manipulate things such as Fire, Water, Air, Earth, Light and Darkness.

Human civilization develops around academies, cities, hunters, researchers, secret organizations and large neutral institutions such as the Continental.

The story starts relatively small, with a young student entering an academy, but gradually expands into something much larger involving ancient civilizations, cults, forgotten history, time paradoxes and the true origin of the catastrophe.

Jack

The protagonist is Jack.

He's intelligent, curious, eccentric and often jokes around even in situations where he probably shouldn't. He's not supposed to be the strongest character in the story.

In fact, one of the important parts of his character is that he only has two aspects: Fire and Darkness.

He constantly sees other people doing things he can't do.

Someone with Air can fly.

Jack looks at them and says:

>"Darn you, Darwin."

Someone with Water has incredible control over their surroundings.

Someone with Earth can create massive structures.

Jack can't do any of that.

Instead, he gradually develops his own fighting style.

He uses Fire through martial arts, rather than fighting like a traditional mage. A punch might ignite at the last possible moment before impact, a kick can create an explosive burst, etc.

Darkness is much more about movement and deception. Jack can use shadows to hide, evade attacks, reposition himself and move through darkness.

So his fighting style becomes a combination of martial arts + Fire + Darkness, rather than simply becoming a character who learns increasingly powerful spells.

This also connects to his personality. He's not necessarily the most powerful person in the room — he's the person who finds a strange way to use what he has.

The Sin of Solace

One of the biggest mysteries in the story is an entity known as the Sin of Solace.

I don't want the reader to immediately know what it actually is.

Different groups have completely different interpretations of it.

Some cultists believe that it is the downfall of humanity.

Others believe it is a savior, saint or protector that once saved humanity from something even worse.

There is an ancient temple built around its imprisoned body, which is sealed inside something resembling amber.

The cult itself is divided over whether the entity should remain imprisoned or eventually be released.

This is something I want to keep ambiguous for a long time.

One possible description of the entity is:

>"The Sinister Saint, whose dark and dreadful power was matched only by the chilling mystery of his true identity."

And when the Sin is eventually released, Jack may describe what happens with something like:

>"First came the cold. Then came the darkness. It rose from below, swallowing the land, devouring the heavens, and blotting out the light of day."

The diaries

Another major mystery involves three ancient diaries.

One is in the possession of the cult.

One eventually comes into Jack's possession.

The third is kept by Jack's mentor, who knows much more about the history of the world than he initially reveals.

The interesting part is that the diaries may not actually have been written by ancient people.

There is a possibility that they were written by Jack himself — from the future.

In one possible timeline, Jack fails to defeat the Sin of Solace.

As a final attempt to change the future, he sends or hides the diaries throughout the world so that another version of himself can eventually discover them.

This creates a time paradox:

Jack finds the diaries because his future self hid them, but his future self only hid them because Jack found the diaries.

I'm still deciding exactly how much of this should be a literal closed time loop and how much should involve alternate timelines.

The "Fourth Hero"

The cult also possesses an extremely old diary containing a prophecy about a fourth hero who will eventually do something to the Sin.

The problem is that the diary is so old and damaged that parts of the description are impossible to read.

Nobody knows whether the fourth hero is supposed to:

• kill the Sin,
• free the Sin,
• seal the Sin again,
• become the Sin,
• or do something completely different.

This is important because the characters may spend years believing they understand the prophecy when they actually don't.

The age of 27

There is also an old legend surrounding previous heroes who tried to defeat the Sin.

Every one of them supposedly died or disappeared at the age of 27.

Nobody knows whether this is a curse, a consequence of fighting the Sin, a time-loop phenomenon, or simply a distorted historical coincidence.

Jack leaves the academy at around 17 and eventually reaches the final confrontation when he is around 27 years old.

So when he reaches that age, the legend suddenly becomes much more personal.

The final confrontation

The final battle between Jack and William takes place beneath a group of enormous statues.

Locals believe these statues depict ancient heroes who once fought the Sin.

But there is a possibility that they are actually statues of Jack and William from a previous timeline.

Jack eventually defeats William and stands above him, ready to kill him.

And this is where I want to use something that was established much earlier in the story.

When they were young, Jack wrote a song about death and being remembered among the brave.

William criticized the song and thought it was terrible.

Years later, during their final confrontation, William begins singing that same song back to Jack.

Something that once seemed like a stupid joke between two young friends suddenly becomes their final conversation.

I want moments like this to show that their conflict isn't simply "hero vs villain." They were once similar people who made different choices.

William

William is the other central character.

I don't want him to be a traditional evil villain.

He genuinely wants to save people, but he becomes increasingly willing to sacrifice individuals, friends and eventually entire groups if he believes it will prevent something worse.

Jack and William are supposed to be mirrors of each other.

Both are intelligent.

Both investigate the unknown.

Both are willing to cross boundaries.

Both eventually gain access to knowledge and powers that normal people shouldn't have.

The difference is that Jack keeps asking:

"What kind of person am I becoming?"

William eventually starts asking:

"How many people am I willing to sacrifice to achieve the goal?"

What I'm trying to explore

The main theme isn't really "who is the strongest?"

It's more about what happens to a person when they are given enormous power and knowledge.

Jack begins the story believing that being powerful is what makes someone valuable.

Eventually he has to realize that his worth isn't determined by how powerful he becomes.

The final victory isn't supposed to be Jack becoming a god or the strongest person alive.

It's Jack refusing to become William.

This is still very much a work in progress, so I'd really appreciate honest criticism rather than just positive feedback.

Do these ideas feel intriguing, or are there simply too many mysteries and concepts competing with each other?

Which elements would you personally keep as the main mystery?

Does the 27-year-old legend feel interesting or too cliché?

Does the Jack/future-Jack diary paradox make sense?

Does the Sin of Solace feel mysterious in a good way, or just vague?

And most importantly: does Jack feel like a protagonist you'd actually want to follow through a long story?