How to navigate boundaries around partner's friendship breakup
tldr; complicated feelings about partner’s friend break up
I (30F) have been seeing a guy (33M) for about 8 months who I met on a dating app. He told me about 4 months in about N, a friend of his, who he also met on a dating app about 6 months before he met me and went on one date with, before suggesting that they be friends, because he didn’t feel attraction to her but felt that they could be good friends. They’ve been hanging out one-on-one, have gone on hikes alone, and she’s been inviting him to her work and volunteer events. She knows I’m in the picture but we’ve never met. Once he told me about her, I felt a bit insecure about the friendship given that they did meet on the apps and I asked him to let me know when he would be seeing her and to not hang out with her one-on-one, and that I wasn’t fine with them doing things that could have potential romantic undertones, because I didn’t know if she was romantically attracted to him. He agreed and reiterated that he wasn’t romantically interested in her.
Recently, he invited her on a hike with two of his male friends and didn’t tell me until after the fact — I had an intense reaction to being told after the hike, because I have a history of past partners cheating on me with their close female friends, and withholding information about said friends. He apologized, saying that he was feeling avoidant about how I would react to her coming on the hike and that it was a stupid move. She later texted him, asking if he was interested in a more intimate hangout. He told me about the text and that he would end the friendship with her, that he didn’t feel good about the wording she used, and that he’s not sure that she’s not romantically interested in or pursuing him. However, when he texted her saying that it would be better for them to be no contact, she got upset that he was ending the friendship over text. So he ended up calling her to explain and comfort her. He’s been communicative about this but also says he feels sad about ending the friendship but that was the best move. He’s also been very forward with saying that the friend breakup was his decision and for me to not feel blame or guilt about it (if I do).
I have complicated feelings about this. For one, I think her reaction makes me feel like she did have feelings for him and was putting out feelers to see if he reciprocated those feelings. I also don’t want to be controlling or have resentment towards him or from him towards me about this friendship break up in terms of him withholding information or me ignoring my boundaries around his friendships. Any advice on how to navigate this situation and any boundaries around future female friendships going forward?