my mom bought me a dog and took it away
for context, I was a child who loved dogs all her life. obsessed with them and carried around a dog breed pocket book so I could tick off breeds I saw while I was out. I was so excited to meet any dog I encountered. I loved them.
when I was a teenager, during a manic episode my mom bought the family a dog. I can't blame her for that, she wasn't in her right mind, but the dog breed was not even slightly compatible with the familys inactive lifestyle or house. I told her she should have got us a small terrier but she bought us a working farm dog breed. guess that doesn't matter, but I knew dogs. but she was manic, I can understand that
after a year of trying to make it work, and after shaming me for not walking the dog by myself even tho he was completely untrained and incredibly strong, her and dad decided to give up the dog to a family of four who owned a farm, I was completely heartbroken beyond belief, but I knew he was going to be happier and healthier. I could understand that, even at the time
after crying so hard about my dog being given away, to (I guess) get me to shut up, she promised the we could visit the dog whenever I wanted, since he was going to live near my grandparents house. that did bring me comfort, as sad as it was.
dog was given away, and time passed, I thought about him every day, I asked if we could go visit grandparents and we were on our way. I asked mom if we could visit the dog, like she promised.
and here's the horrific part, she shouts at me and shames me for asking, "I thought we were over that" and "it will just confuse the dog to see you, that isn't fair to him" and I just shut down. that was it. I never mentioned him again.
for years I thought about him and what a horrible thing my mum did to me, it's not even about the dog, but how poorly she treated me afterwards. never once did she sit me down and hold me and tell me she was sorry. I just got silenced for asking about him.
I'm 35 and I still think about the whole ordeal. I can't wrap my head around it. how can u do that to a child. how can you give her a dog, take it away, promise to visit, then shame the child for asking to visit. I felt so unloved and disregarded and like I was just a stain. I felt so uncared for. I honestly don't even have enough words to encapsulate how I felt and how I feel now. it just all feels so bizarre to me. I can't make sense of it. what loving parent does this?
how can I get over this, or how can I make sense of this, did anyone go through similar? is it gaslighting? manipulation? neglect? abuse? what the fuck happened here