Struggling with my 3YO and feeling a little lost.
It's been a while since I posted and I know this isn't exactly a new dad thing but I am struggling and all my wife wants to do is fix me and I hate it.
For mothers day my wife asked if I could take our daughter to my MIL house in the mountains and stay a few days to give her some time off. Unfortunately I was unable to do so that because of work until this weekend (4th of July) but rather than the Mts we drove with my MIL to her second home about 5 hours away.
Everything was fine, me and my daughter and MIL, the drive was easy and without any craziness. However when we arrived my SIL was there with her husband, 5yo and 1yo and for whatever reason my Daughter just latched to her husband like glue! asking for hugs and uppies and all that but was simultaneously being a bit cruel to me.
Now I'm not a huge fan of this guy because of the way he treats my SIL but I wont get into that here but it gutted me. I didn't expect it and for two days I basically got grumpy defiant daughter and everyone else got sweet baby. I'm also dealing with my moms Jealousy over my MIL and me going to her house for the weekend. So she's basically ignoring me or being short with me. This is a common thing I have been dealing with for a while now. the real issue is my family is heavy on the random last minute planning and my wife's is the plan 6 months in advance type so it often leads to us having made plans well before the holiday and I guess it leaves my mom feeling left out or not prioritized. That said it's gotten to a point where I have to just let what happens happen because I am way to busy in with work and life to be moderating for 70yo's. For context, my parents of my wife's parents don't really get along. they are cordelle with each other but don't go out of their way to spend time together. I do invite everyone to be together every time we make plans but it rarely happens.
In general right now I'm feeling like I only exist to help clean and care for and cook and generally just maintain everything but I am not here to be loved or cared for myself. My wife and I are very different, I'm touchy feely and she is acts of service or words of affirmation. After 6 years I am pretty well use to it but I hate that my daughter is moving in that direction.
My brain is telling me to chill and that she's only 3 and there isn't anything I can do and it's not personal but my heart is making me feel very unloved. My wife asked me why I seemed sad and I told her about my mom ignoring me (For context, my parents moved 5 min from me to be closer to us and the baby but they and my in-laws struggle to get along) and about the baby and my BIL but I got a lot of laughing and oh you're so silly from my MIL and my wife. Of course after the MIL left and my wife could see I was actually struggling, she has started to try and do little things to cheer me up but honestly it just feels disingenuous and my sadness just makes her uncomfortable so she wants it to stop.
Anyway, I'm not even sure why I'm making this post, maybe just to get it out or maybe to see if anyone else has experienced something similar or maybe to reinforce that what I am feeling is silly and I'm being ridiculous?
To really put into context of how I am feeling, I feel like I am the unfun rule dad because my wife is almost always letting her do whatever she wants but I am often the one who has to clean up after her messes and or deal with the fall out when my daughter inevitably drops something of sentimental value that my wife decided "It's fine, I don't care" but she really does care. I feel like a bad dad and just the dad that makes the rules and makes sure she is following them but not the dad she runs too to give a hug when she comes home from daycare or the dad that she askes to be held by or whatever, Some of it is my own doing, I started a new career/business 5 years ago that has grown and is beginning to consume more and more time but when I am off I try to be present and I try to play with her as much as I can but I can't seem to make any headway. My wife spends about as much time with her as I do, sometimes less. when we are both in the room she clings to mommy but that I understand.
also one more thing I forgot to mention, when we were at the MIL house, my daughter called me by my first name and called my BIL buy Daddy and his first name like "Daddy Todd", that's not his name but you get the idea.
Anyhow thanks for listening. looking forward to the responses.