r/NewDads

Nothing to crazy to discuss here but I wanted to see if anyone else is having this silly little issue
My little one is 6 weeks old and it’s been amazing taking care of her. No lack of sleep so far(thankfully my partner and I take shifts, and I get 4 months of daddy leave 🤝)

I’m CONSTANTLY misplacing things. It’s pretty much baby-related things. I swear I remembered where I put them. Check that spot, poof gone 😂

New dad here, 22M i’m still trying to figure out a sleep schedule for my wife and I. I don’t want to feel like I’m not being a supportive husband, but at the same time I do since I work long hours. Was wondering if anyone can assist with a few pointers for myself so I can apply to my home life and be able to assist my wife and the baby. It’s been rough for her and I feel like i’m not doing my part whatsoever and I’m just trying to be the best dad/husband a man can be, would greatly appreciate some feedback from other dads.

I'm 52 years old and I've been married for 18 years together for 25. We have 4 children that are now 16f, 14f, 12m and 10m.

I have been an avid gamer since the 90's, I used to play sports in my younger years(20-30s) but multiple injuries has put a stop to that. Before babies i was a 20-30 hours a week gamer. So on to the point of the post.

I've seen multiple posts about gaming as a new dad recently so I just wanted to explain my experience and give a little advice. Take from it as you will.

Gaming as a new dad is a very touchy subject for both the mom and the dad. Here are some simple rules of thumb that might help new dads.

1. Just cause the baby is finally asleep does not mean you power on the xbox , ps or pc. This is without doubt the biggest cause of arguments. You need to clean, make a grocery list, meal prep or do the fricken laundry or any of the other 100 things that need to be done. If all those things are done then my advice is have a nap before your power on. Most Moms don't see gaming as a valid use of time. If there are chores that need doing get them done.

2. Remember being a dad and a partner comes first. Gaming will come back in time, don't forget you've signed up for a different journey now and maybe gaming doesn't fit in to that journey right now. It definitely did not fit in to mine. It's not the end of the world. Love them, make them your world you'll be happier for it. Gaming can wait, it's why we have save points .Even now I never switch on before 9pm at night, I have dad duties. It's just a change in priorities and schedules.

3. In general partners who don't game don't understand gaming don't expect them too. If gaming is an issue it's most likely because you didn't do rule 1 or 2 properly 😀

4. Sometimes wives or partners are jealous of the time you spend gaming. That's ok. Talk to them agree on when it's OK and when it's not. If you are doing number 1 and 2 already them it'll most likely not be a problem.

5. Above all else remember raising a family is a team effort. If your partner or baby is not involved it is technically a selfish act. Don't get upset because they see it this way, they are not wrong. Don't let it come to that. Do 1 and 2 and you'll most likley find it's gonna be fine.

When it comes to gaming and family there really is only one way to do it in my opinion. Communicate, fulfill your responsibilities, be present and then with what ever is left enjoy a little bit of time to yourself for gaming.

Hope this helps a little. Of course it doesn't cover all the scenarios but I feel its good guidance to help prevent unnecessary arguments for new dads.

Regards an old timer

Hi everyone,

We are really struggling with putting our 14-week-old daughter to sleep and could use some collective wisdom.

Connecting Sleep Cycles: She consistently wakes up after 30 minutes. We try to help her transition to a longer nap, but she struggles to settle into the next sleep cycle. How do you help your LO link naps at this age?

Falling Asleep / Pre-Sleep Crying: "Drowsy but awake" isn't working for us. If we put her down drowsy, she refuses to sleep, becomes overtired, and then cries for at least 10 minutes before falling asleep.

We are exhausted and finding sleep times really stressful right now. Is this "power crying" normal for this age, and how did you navigate it?

Our daughter is 3 weeks old and it’s our first! As the title states my wife handles the baby majority of the work with the baby (feeding, putting the baby down and even takes her to bed with her while I’m still up.

As that happens I pivot to handling the cooking, cleaning, laundry, housework and any errands or whatever is needed.

I do a formula feed in the middle of the day with my daughter (to give my wife a break) and change all her diapers and handle baths, but I feel like I’m not doing enough.

When I ask my wife “do you need me for anything?” Or “what can I do?” And even “am I doing enough?” She always tells me I’m doing great as a father, as she knows I feel like I’m not doing enough.

I was wondering if this is normal for new dads, any advice is appreciated.

Hello. Just needing some advice as pregnant lady. I’m not with the dad but he said he wanted to be present in the baby’s life and help support me through the process. For example, he said he wanted to be at my next ultrasound. He had been pretty inconsistent with his communication but then we met in person to talk and I thought he would change his behavior. I am not trying to police his time but I also don’t appreciate the days long time lapses in messages when I am trying to have a conversation about baby. I’ve been trying to be very understanding of him and how he must be feeling. He was never sure if he wanted kids and I know he has a lot of things that he needs to work on as far as mental health goes. It makes me very sad that other people are asking about his child more than he is. I told him we would know gender by Tuesday and he has not reached out to me since Sunday. Is it fair for me to remove him from this process for the time being. His inconsistency causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. Or any advice on how many more ways I can express to him that I don’t need perfection just some effort and a little more consistency. I don’t want to rob him of these experiences because it’s his first time too but I also can’t continue my entire pregnancy with this anxiety.

Just to clear some things up I made the decision to continue the pregnancy even if that meant him not being around. I told him I had made the choice I could live with and that it was his turn to as well. That’s when he decided to be in the picture. Also, we were never together. Our relationship was strictly flirty texting with one night that ended up with me conceiving and I have never expected a relationship from him.

Asking because my 4 week old baby just ate 9oz of formula in a 3 hour span. Fed him 5 times in that 3 hour span

I'm two weeks into being a father and I am in Heaven and Hell, but Hell is steadily taking over.

I'm desperate, I'm boiling with villainous anger, I'm stinky with stress and rage, and like many of you have expressed for various reasons - I already feel like a failure.

I have wanted to be a father my whole life. I'm 43 and I feel ten years late. I have been looking forward to this for so long and I have worked so hard to be able to enjoy it - left gig work for a steady job with insurance that allowed my wife to take off while pregnant, single income home now but still setting money aside, etc... I was so focused on being able to be around for the first several weeks of his life without working.

A month and a half before my wife gives birth, I get fired. 15 days after she became active under my insurance. I collected unemployment for a few weeks while working part time but lost unemployment because I didn't work my regular part time hours during the days we were in the hospital. So here we are 2 weeks into being parents, no insurance, lost main income source (I still gig work), fighting with unemployment, fighting with the process of trying to get insurance, and the savings are already halfway gone. I haven't yet told my wife we lost unemployment. I mean, technically I just opened another claim this past Sunday to add him as a dependent, but it got declined. Still trying to talk to an actual person about that but I don't have much hope it'll go through.

I was raised with stubborn PA Dutch work ethic but I'm getting slammed hard with the reality that hard work no longer gets rewarded, and cowardice is the new job security to the point that being proactive isn't as important as pure deference to the boss.

I'm applying everywhere and I have yet to hear back from anyone and I can fucking weld, carpent, minor electric work, rig, lift, climb, manage a crew, I'm in the theatre industry so I know how to meet a deadline, I'm an expert in emotions, and I tapped onstage with Gregory Hines when I was a child. But none of that gets you a decent wage with benefits!!!!

And our electric bill just went up.

I definitely have a penchant for sprinkling in comedic bitching with my angry bitching, but I am truly in despair and just because of money. It's just money. Everyone is healthy, we're in love with our little boy, I try to focus on that. But I gotta step up for them and take every opportunity.

So, I know people tend to hate it when you shill on Reddit, I know there is a no advertising rule. But I need to do that real quick.

See, I've also been in the process of starting a new service that I'm hoping to turn into a business. I know people need it, and after joining this group a month ago I see how much new dads could benefit. I really am an expert in emotions. The bulk of which comes from my training in Alba Emoting, in case you want some googleable background. I began learning this in 2005, I became certified in 2011, for over 20 years I've lived my life from the perspective of emotional awareness and control. As an actor and acting coach I love it as a tool for emotional expression, but it's not an acting technique, it's teaches people what our emotions are in a way no one has ever broken them down.

But it's what I relied on to stay calm and present while my father was dying. It's what I relied on while navigating the arguments that come with a marriage, I used the breathing patterns to coach my wife during labor, and it's the only thing that's been allowing me to self regulate my nervous system during the process of losing my job and insurance before having a baby, and how I stay calm when my baby is screaming.

And it's actually really easy to learn.

But here's something I've been noticing lately. The emotional presence and control is responsive to intense pleasant emotions, not just the intense unpleasant emotions. In other words, it doesn't just help you stay calm when your baby is screaming, it also help deepen the connection of tenderness and love when your baby is steady. It helps me love my son even more deeply. Not to mention how it helps me understand all of his emotional communication.

If I were a better salesman I wouldn't be here complaining about money woes, but... I guess that's my pitch? I know how much this technique can aid some of the new fathers here and I have a desire to help people with a valuable, rare skill and I'm currently in a huge need to sell myself. Would anyone here like to try out a lesson? I'm willing to do pay-what-you-will sessions for anyone in this group if it means helping new dads and babies.

I'm thinking of hosting a group zoom intro where people can find out more info, i can also do individual training sessions. I'm working on making some YT videos about this, if I get enough followers I can go live and do late night Q&A's while you're trying to decompress. I know what I know and I have a desire to help, but I'm not sure how to reach people. Especially with the topic of emotions.

Either way just remember, you're the one who is going to be teaching your child about emotions. What will you be drawing from when you're teaching them?

If I can help myself by helping other people, it will make my Heaven a lot less Hellish.

If you even just read this far, thank you.

Hi, im a Father of a 6 month old girl, i have a loving gf (maybe soon wife) , a roof over my head, a stable job etc

My brain still decides that i miss my old life … single, drugs every now and then, girls, partys, gaming …

Why is it so hard to be thankful what i have?

Anyone else having this problem?

Should i consider psychological help?

thanks

Is anyone else worrying about their child’s occupational/professional future? With recent news about Gen Z men dropping out of the workforce in droves and reports of AI-driven layoffs in the hundreds of thousands…I worry that I have zero clue what the future of work will hold for my now 2 year old daughter and soon-to-be-born second child.

In previous generations, parents had a fairly good idea of which professional fields will lead to a good economic situation (e.g., medicine, law, engineering, trades, etc.) Today? Who knows what the occupational situation will look like in 20 years? AI has thrown a huge wrench in this and I find myself worrying for their futures. Anyone else? Or am I overthinking this?

I’ll start in the comments.

I’m curious about the range of fathers we’ve got in here.

How old were you when you became a father — and looking back, did you feel ready?

I was 30 btw.

Biological dads, stepdads, adoptive dads, foster dads — however fatherhood found you, I’m interested.

Me and my partner have had a rough 6months due to her learning how to become a woman.She saying she trying to better but I want to know will the baby coming make it worse,is there even any point of trying with her.

Few weeks back, my kiddo turned 1 and the journey (so far) has been crazy.

The posts in the group helped ground/calm my inner thoughts during desperate times. Knowing people went through so similar emotions helped deal with "something's wrong with me / I'm not prepared for this / this is not for me / how do I get out of this" brand of thoughts.

But to summarize how bad it was and what helped me at different points of time.

Resentment

>"I hate my wife for putting me through this, we had it so great before"

What helped

- Talking to my wife and letting her know where my headspace was - It was less of a fight and more of telling what I feel - also no seeking solutions as such. We used to have daily checkins for 15 minutes to just catch up on both our sides. We gave ourselves mental and physical health scores out of 10.

- Also, giving time to mourn my previous life (picked this phrase up on reddit) helped

Overwhelmed / Flight response

>"this is endless, there is no break for next X years. Tomorrow the same cycle repeats. How do I stop this"

What helped

- Speaking to friends who were ahead in their baby journey and the feedback was to "take it 1 day at a time". There is no point extrapolating your future based on this 1 day / situation. You just suck it up 1 day at a time - there is no way out :)

Suicidal ideation

>...

Sleep deprivation did a number on me + my depression/mental health issues did not help. I was on my meds but those did not seem to help.

What helped

- Speaking to my psychiatrist to increase dosage (that helped a bit but not much)

- just talking about it to my friend and sister helped get the thought out in words. I was shocked to hear my sister also went through a similar phase.

- Kept a diary to note these down asap and track frequency over weeks to get a gauge on how bad it was. I gave feedback to my psych accordingly

- "Stop making a film production out of this" -- I read this in a reddit thread from an elder gentleman and it helped reduce indulgence in these thoughts

Intrusive thoughts / Anger

>...

This is probably the worst of the lot - the terrible / ugly / horrible thoughts I had while taking care of her while she was in a meltdown - "if there is a god, i'm definitely going to hell**"** kind of thoughts.

The sad thing is I'm usually patient with everyone BUT something ticks me off with my crying kiddo :(

What helped

- Tier 1 advice - Just place kiddo in her crib OR hand over to wife, and go take a walk

- Kept a diary to note these down asap. It helped me identify some patterns -- eg these usually triggered when I was very tired (busy weekend, post a long trip)

- Ranted voice notes to myself where I just unloaded my terrible "pathway to hell" thoughts. It helped reset and gave some immediate relief

This post is more for myself to thank you folks and share in detail this happened, and maybe a new dad can relate and find this useful.

My son is now 4 months old, and I never had paternity leave. I took one week off work after his birth and then had to return. My wife is now back at work, and wants to quit her job in order to stay at home full time with our new son.

I am starting a new job in a couple of weeks and they want me to go across the country for 3-4 days during my first week for a work trip. In my mind, if I am to put us in the position to allow her to stay home with our son, I can’t say no to a work trip. I feel like I should do everything I can to do everything at work, or else those opportunities will disappear.

When I told my wife about this, she cried and talked about how hard it is to deal with him alone. We do have a nanny starting next week, but she is only 8 hours per day and would create stress for my wife leaving to work and coming home in time to make sure it was only 8 hours. Looking for advice here on what to do. Any others had to travel with a wife who is postpartum? Am I thinking about this all wrong?

Me and my partner not long had our daughter shes just over 3months old and I know im gonna get shit for this probably but I feel like I dont wanna be a dad or a father to our daughter I say that because I dont wanna feed her change her or do anything with her. I was never sure I ever wanted kids and had already told my partner this when we got together so she knew from the start but I respected her wishes of not being able to get rid of something made from our love and we do love each other very much its the reason im still with her but I just feel like the way I am atm is gonna cause massive problems later down the line and i dont know what to do. Ive tried doing more and helping out but I find myself most of the time just wishing to be alone

The screaming. Its the worst. Why is she screaming? Because shes tired. Why is she tired? Because she wont sleep. Why wont she sleep? Because shes overtired. You see where I'm going with this.. and the conditions are usually ideal - darkish room, red light on, car noises Playlist, riff raff toy, clean nappy, full tummy. But there's still something not right. I go to work, come home and its time to put her to bed so I take care of that. But this is the hardest of all the sleep times so she puts up a huge fuss. Then I do the night shift because my partner does all day during the work week. So I'm waking up in fight or flight mode with my heart rate sky rocketing from the sudden screaming from the baby monitor. Then it takes me ages to get back to sleep because of the sudden wake up. Back to work until the weekend where I FINALLY get some happy and fun moments with my little 5 month girl. But I'm exhausted from the week that was so I find myself getting shorter with each cry and it sucks! My wife, bless her, has an "oh no" empathetic response to the cries whereas I'm having a "What is it now" response. And I'm really trying not to be so shitty but it just doesn't feel like this is worth it. I read other posts of dad's saying it gets better and I'm sure it will. I tried talking to my wife about this but it starts to become comparative suffering and although we both acknowledge we have it tough, I can't ask her to take a night shift because she has to pump on top of day and night care which exhausts her. Okay, rant over.