r/NewDads

I am trying to make this sound like I’m not wining or complaining but I have nowhere else to turn to and I want to know if it is normal or not.

My son is 4 weeks old. he is great, healthy and happy most of the time.

I want to reach out to other fathers for advice on their relationship with their wives during early parenthood.

My wife is breastfeeding and that is basically it. she has a spot on the sofa where she will be and she feeds our boy.

I have our business to run, I manage the house, I clean, cook, tidy, walk the dog ect

I love spending time with my son and when he’s not being fed I entertain him, change him, and feed him with a bottle.

I take him out of the house for 1-2hours so my wife can get extra sleep if needed.

if we go out I pack the bags, the car, make sure everything we need is there ect.

I stay awake to give my wife company and support at night, bob and burp the baby after feeding and take him for walks around the house so she can rest.

I feel an immense amount of pressure. my wife complains about breastfeeding. she leaves mess everywhere she goes in the house. I go around cleaning up after her.

I want to know if other peoples wife’s are like this. do they offer kind words occasionall? I don’t and wouldnt ask for this and I don’t complain. but I feel like I am always wrong and no matter what I do it’s not enough. she’s never happy and it is quite frankly effecting my mental health more than my son.

half the time all I can think about is do I want to be a person like this or this just normal?

Ever since I’ve become a father, I’m more sensitive now. Before becoming a father, I was never emotional or even cry but now, being with them I cry of happiness but also become sad watching them get older.

I just found out its going to be a boy!!

Just wondering, is a girl or a boy better? Whats your preference and why?

I'm not an artist. I'm not a musician.

But I am a guy who has been on the incredible journey of becoming a parent, with all the highs and lows it brings.

I don't often share, and I don't have people around me to talk to, so many of the challenges and mental upheaval that come from the journey were internalised and pushed aside to focus on the needs of my family.

When my son turned one, it was also Mother's Day, so needless to say, my wife was especially emotional about her baby being a toddler.

To capture that moment and share a message of love, I wrote some rough lyrics, then spent a long time polishing them. I then tried uploading them to Suno, an AI site that sets music to the lyrics you supply. After a lot of work, trial and error, and more versions than I can recall, I had a song called 'Always Yours'.

Although the song was a gift to my wife, I found the process extremely cathartic.

It prompted me to start creating more songs, focusing on the entire journey from my viewpoint. What began as a gesture to my wife became a personal journey that was as healing as it was satisfying. For the first time, I felt like I was telling my story, and the story of my wife and son, as I, the father, experienced it.

In a world where, as the father, I felt practically invisible to anyone but my wife, creating 'Small Hours' has been an incredibly difficult, joyful and rewarding experience. I listen to the songs, I try to sing along, and frankly, I often can't, because I'm too busy tearing up.

Undoubtedly, this is not an avenue for everyone. But for me, I've been able to put my feelings into words, share them with others who may find them resonant, and, importantly, my family now has this very special memory of a time that has been transformational.

The album is called Small Hours, by The Little Crow (because my son loves to mimic crow sounds), and it covers the first year of becoming a father.

If you'd like to have a listen, you can search The Little Crow on Spotify.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the music if you do have a listen, but also, what have you done as a father to share your experience? Did you do anything to capture that first year?

For any dads expecting imminently and whose bedrooms can accommodate a mini-fridge, now is potentially a good time to check local big box stores for mini-fridges on 50% off clearance. Especially those who live close to college towns who are probably a month or two into their fall semesters/quarters.

Zelda’s Lullaby is an excellent soothing Lullaby that has been working for my 1 year old like a charm recently. He’s also partial to the song of storms!

With any luck, my little guy will turn into the biggest Legend of Zelda fan due to this! I would love for his first game to be the same as mine and although I can’t game with him yet, I can still share little nuggets of brilliance that are waiting for him when he first picks up his own controller (and has a semblance of an understanding of what he’s doing).