u/vlvallie

He broke up with me and blocked me on everything. Unblocked me to just?? I don't know why. He gave me hope. He said we would talk tonight and I waited like the complete delusional idiot I am. Just for him to tell me he doesn't want to talk.

It's been 3 days of not showering, getting hospitalized with heart issues, not eating, tearing my hair out and crying crying crying crying crying. I've only slept for 3 hours overall in the last 2 days. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm typing this from the shower and I can't even shower. I'm just sitting in a dry bathtub.

Why did he give me hope? Why did he tell me he needs to think if it looks like he's just going to block me again and abandon me completely after all, just not right now but in a couple days? Why does he seem so normal? Why is he posting away about his hobbies like nothing is happening? Why doesn't he miss me. Why. Why. Why. We were so good until I complained about us only spending time with each other once in the entire month of June. I was just sad. I WAS JUST SAD. I never attacked him. Never splitted. I was just sad. And this is what he does. Is there someone else? What if there's someone else? Why can't I stop thinking about it?

Is there only one true way out for a person like me?

i dont know how to deal with this. ive cried for days and got in the hospital with heart issues. ive been having suicidal thoughts for a huge while but now they've become unbearable. i don't think i can live anymore. i tried so hard. he emotionally abused me just to make himself the victim on the end. i feel like i cant do this anymore, i really cant. i am unlovable, i was never worth of effort or change. i was just used until i became boring and this setting has been following me for years now. they all abandon me the same way. almost like they're reading off the same script. what do i even do. god help me

nowadays every single thing i say.no matter what topic it is somehow gets spinned into another break up talk. even when everything is okay. he says it's because he's tired from all the previous fights with me. i have bpd and he has tendencies like ignoring, canceling on me last minute and not keeping promises.

we can be perfectly fine and have good days and the second i find a crumb of happiness in me and start believing that things can be alright he finds something to tell me off for. im always confused and i always ask him what did i do?? and he can never answer properly

he turned into a cold resentful man that snaps at me for no reason almost every day

i want this to work

i want us to be together

i love him

but all he does now is spew hatred at me after acting sweet for a bit

i wish he loved me as much as i love him