Grief over what has been lost
26m—was diagnosed late last year and medicated, and things have really turned around. I am much more productive at work, feel present in my daily life, and my anxiety has gone down tremendously.
I should feel happy and relieved—and I do—but these positive changes have been accompanied by a lot of grief. All through childhood and adolescence, I was criticized by my parents for being lazy and unfocused, and I was a really, really poor student in college because of what I now realize was ADHD mixed with severe depression and anxiety.
I landed on my feet and have a great job and am successful. But I just can’t help but feel sad by all my unfulfilled potential. I wanted to be a doctor and work in emergency medicine when I was in college, but I just wasn’t a good enough student for that to be in the works. Now, after being medicated, I would have such a new appreciation for being a student, but I feel like it’s too late. I feel like I wasted four years of my life during my youth that could have been a period of incredible intellectual exploration and development, instead I just spent it distracted, suicidal, and glued to a screen just trying to survive my own mental health.
I just wanted to get this off my chest.