I had no response to Psilocybin - why not?
I'd welcome any comments or ideas about my situation, because I am floundering.
I'm enrolled in a medically supervised Psychedelic Assisted Therapy for Depression programme. I've had 2 doses of psilocybin, the first 25 mg and the second was 30mg.
Both times, I had zero psychedelic or hallucinogenic effect. My blood pressure went up, I had waves of mild nausea, muscle cramps and headaches, enlarged pupils, so the drug was active in my system for several hours. But I had no visual hallucinations, no ego dissolution, no floating feeling, no mystical experience - I knew who I was, where I was, who was in the room with me; the furniture, walls and surroundings etc all looked completely normal; I could speak sensibly and coherently the whole time. After about 5 hours the physical symptoms receded and I was back to normal. The psychiatrist sitting with me agreed that I had not displayed any signs of being on a hallucinogenic trip.
Their theory was that I had a psychological defence which was holding on tightly to reality, and resisting the effect of the drug; because I was unconsciously scared of what might come up. But I WANTED to have an uncontrolled experience, I was as psychologically prepared as I could be to completely let go and confront any repressed trauma; in fact I was yearning for it.
We cancelled a possible 3rd session because it didn't seem to be going anywhere. But now I am at a dead end. Psilocybin seemed my last, best hope after several decades of Treatment Resistant Depression.
Someone suggested that a session of 5-MeO-DMT might help dislodge the block in my brain that is preventing me going with on the trip. But 5-MeO-DMT is not legally available in my country, I'd have to travel overseas to get that, which is not very practical.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or been able to get past it? Very grateful for any insights.
EDIT: A huge thanks to everyone who has responded, I'm quite overwhelmed by your kindness and wisdom. I'll try to respond to each of you, but a big collective "THANKS!! 🙏❤️