u/wantmymil

I shared this as a comment on another post last week but have been reflecting on it and want to try putting it out here for (hopefully polite) conversation.

Here's what I learned as a 51M. Divorced after nearly 25 years together (it wasn't my choice to end things).

I took a year off for myself and it was the best thing I could have done. Focused on mental/physical health, joined social groups (meetups, book clubs) and just practiced conversations and (re)introducing myself to the world.

During my second year, I started dating casually and realized that I was not emotionally ready for a long-term formal girlfriend. I'm too busy building my own life. I don't need someone to complete it, but I'm open to someone (or more than one person) to complement it. Does that make sense?

I'm in therapy and realized that I just don't know what a healthy relationship is "supposed" to look like. My marriage was very toxic and that relationship was nearly half of my life so far. I'm not ready to go all-in again anytime soon. But I am human, I enjoy people, and have reasonable curiosities and needs.

All that to say is that I'm more interested in casual dating to meet and spend time connecting with different personality types. It's hard to convey that because some people think I'm just here to hook up with as many women as possible. But intimacy is so much more than that. I don't want to fall in love but I'm interested in falling in like. I'm interested in exploring different types of people, because different dynamics bring out different parts of my own personality (and I learn more about myself in the process).

Building intimacy includes spending time together, getting to know each other as friends. After getting out of a scary situation, I'm not ready to also include the emotional caretaking part of a more traditional committed relationship. There is a relationship escalator and I just don't want to get on board right now. Understandably, not a lot of women are interested in anything less than long-term/exclusive/monogamous, but they are out there and I've enjoyed both platonic and intimate connections with them, all mutually handled with care and honesty.

Just my personal experience and perspective out there for consideration. Hope it's helpful for anyone reading.

EDIT: Thank you, everyone. I was leaning toward "no, move on" but I wanted to check with actual (!) fellow fifty-something dating travelers as opposed to an AI that would make me the hero of my own story and suggest something really stupid. Thanks for the reality check. Onward! :)

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Had a really nice first date last fall. Moved from Hinge to texting. Plans for a second date and then she had to cancel last minute due to a tragedy at work (pretty sad). I sent a supportive note and said "take all the time you need." She thanked me. I sent a gentle check-in a few weeks later, she responded in a thoughtful way and then that was it.

For context, I don't see her as remotely being the great love of my life but a genuinely interesting person and I've made some platonic friendships via Hinge.

Anyway, I saw her in my Hinge "hidden" list and she now has the new Signals badge. Is it okay to reach out, and if so, better to do it via Hinge or text? Or just leave it be and chalk it up to experience?