u/weymouth7811

19F: Currently on a weightloss journey, down 25 lbs, end goal is 30-40 more lbs.
Im experimenting w hair, glowup/makeup advice is welcome.

edit: i have black hair now, it’s not red anymore.

I'm [F19] the first to go to college in my family, and call my dad [M53] from time to time even though I'm financially independent and live apart from him. He was complaining three weeks ago about stopping after-school care for my little brothers because of costs. So, after some work, I was able to find a tutor who would work for free, so I worked with my older brother to set up the zoom, reoccurring times, and reminders for my dad and stepmom (since im working halfway across the country right now). My parents are immigrants so its hard for them to navigate tech or public education.

So far, they missed every single session (3 of them) for the most bullsh*t, dumb excuses. Today, I found out that my dad decided to go to the park with my little brothers. my older brother reminded my stepmom the night before of the session time. I called my dad and he had absolutely zero guilt, he said 'we are disorganized and not disciplined' enough. As soon as I told him 'I genuinely can't believe how little you care about their futures', he put my little brother and baby brother on the phone because he knows I can't talk a mean way around them.

I'm just so frustrated. My parents have missed me and my brothers' graduations (every level,) blamed us for not making his resume, in denial abt our poverty but making me and older bro pay bills, always calls me and my brothers losers, and then apologizes and acts like everything's okay-even when he's forcing my older brother to literally pay the entirety of their subsidized rent.

My dad is literally discouraging my older brother from college because he doesn't believe my brother is capable. !My dad literally kicked me out for not being religious enough because I was too focused on school, and recently changed his opinion on me because I got a scholarship and left the house. He said "You're my only hope" and how his sons were worthless.! I just think I'm developing a hatred. All he has ever want out of us is control and subordination.

I know I can't help much even if I was there-im not my brothers' parent. It just feels like I'm watching history repeat. My little brother even apologized to me, which broke my heart, because none of this is his fault. None of it at all.

Dinner; lemongrass beef vermicelli bowl.