I(29F) fell in love with someone (38M) who I shouldn't have, and he doesn't feel the same way
Okay, this is so annoying and so complicated.
I am in an open relationship that I've been in for 8 years with my partner (32M.) We've been open all along, but with the understanding that it was purely physical with the other person. And that's never been an issue.
Until I met John (fake name, obviously.) There was immediately this spark that I've rarely felt with anyone else, but it seemed to be just physical at first. Like, crazy physical chemistry.
I saw him multiple times, and I started to feel more than I should, he communicated that he felt that same. We drunkenly confessed to being in love with each other.
So I broke it off with John because I value my partner very deeply. We had a final sort of goodbye, and I stopped speaking to him.
The issue comes in with his reaction to us ending things. I know it shouldn't matter, and I know I shouldn't be feeling this, but it was like he just didn't care. I've reached out once or twice since things ended, in moments of weakness, and he basically expressed that he isn't really sad about us ending because "he's experienced a lot of loss." I think he's full of shit and he likes to play with people's feelings, but like a dumbass, I fell right into it.
And I feel so stupid because I have such a wonderful partner, and this John clearly has the emotional range of a teaspoon, but my heart is broken over losing him.
I feel different around my partner now (he knows everything and has forgiven me, because he's a fucking saint.) I don't know how to move forward or what to do.
I think about John all the time, part of me wants to just throw away the life I've built and just be with him. But I know that won't work and it can't happen and I hate that I have these feelings.
How do I move forward? How do I let this go?