One moth post defense and feeling like a complete looser
Hello everyone,
I don't know if some of you have gone through these feelings, and to be honest, I'm wanting to know if this can get better and what's needed to make it that way.
I successfully passed my defense (STEM) last month. However, the entire experience feels completely humiliating, crushing, and has destroyed all my self-esteem, and I don't seem to be able to function. From an external POV, the defense was okay; the jury said it was good enough and covered wide topics, although I struggled to answer some basic questions that were asked during the Q&A session. But from my personal perspective, I know I didn't produce anything useful, innovative, or interesting in the last three years; only three conference papers with no journal publications is the ultimate proof.
Im still in the same environment but as engineer and i feel like im projecting my insecurities and having hard time seeing the same people that are doing great extraordinary thesis and works, and overall i feel like I just want to be testing engineer and run away from the research area as i failed to produce and can't get over it.
Also I wonder if this is a matters of time or if this feelings will stand still all my life, especially after seeing other colleagues being proud of their thesis and defense. As for me, i have omitted this entire experience from my CV and i never mentioned doing a PhD since it's a failed one. So i dont know if some of you experienced this and managed to overcome it and turn their life around.