u/white-bored

Tw for suicidal ideation and general misogyny.

Im a 22yo F. I was homeschooled my entire life in a very conservative Christian family up until mid-high school during the pandemic when I signed up for community college classes. That was maybe like the best decision I had ever made.

I finally had someone to teach me pre-calculus and even calculus without making me feel stupid. I realized that I actually LOVED learning and that I loved math! I remember bursting into tears when my father would teach me algebra (we're also an immigrant family, so there was already issues with me learning that were simply lost in translation because my dad was just teaching me what he understood).

It was so frustrating realizing that years of my life were wasted sitting around at home. For several years between the ages of 9 and 12 my 'curriculum' was me just teaching myself with no discipline because my mother did not have the time nor the patience and neither did my dad. The things that were 'Christian approved' were right wing religious textbooks that omitted critical information about science and nature and even history. I was forced to attend christian summer camps and homeschool co-op things and socialize with other homeschooled kids which I guess was fine because I was at least talking to kids my age, but we were all being fed propoganda and even at my age I could tell that they were bullshitting us. This isn't to mock anyone's personal religious beliefs or anything, but these were really really extreme Christians.

I still genuinely struggle with math, writing (like proper essay writing or creative writing) and basic finances to this day, and its so so so embarassing to be around other functioning adults who have had decent childhood experiences that know how to do basic things and had 'normal canon events' like prom or normal summer camps (and even graduating with a high school diploma). Looking back, I genuinely don't think I had any significant or memorable experiences before I had turned 18. My siblings, who were also homeschooled, and I were pretty much isolated from the world despite living in a city and having family outings. So many of my days were spent crying or rotting my brain on the internet and hoping the days would end sooner so I could die quicker.

My education wasn't something on the back burner for my family though...which I guess is good for all things considered compared to my other homeschooled peers. My parents just didn't believe in the "liberal indoctrination" that I would be getting in school (i.e, learning about evolution, sex-ed, having male friends or even regular friends..all that good stuff). Originally, my mom wanted me to finish 'high school' and then look for a husband to start making children and being a stay at home mom. My dad was a little more sympathetic (he has a Master's degree in engineering, my mother never finished university) and encouraged me to look for universities after finishing my community college courses.

I ended up studying biology with double minors in philosophy and history and falling in love with learning. University was maybe the best 4 years of my life because I actually had friends and no one told me what I was and was not allowed to learn. I think the obvious and most worst part about university was explaining to people that I was homeschooled and being mocked or talked down to because of it. It got to a point where I would just lie and say that I went to a normal school or that I was public schooled but bullied in high school so that I wouldn't have to deal with the shame of being like a fully homeschooled kid raised in buttfuck nowhere.

But the world was my oyster freshman year and that motivation to be a better version of myself kept up throughout university. I just graduated magna cum laude and plan on pursuing a master's and a phd! My motto is that I want to continue learning about the wonders of the world until the day I die. In university, I finally learned about how evolution *actually* works and now its my current field of study in my fully funded Master's program.

Unfortunately, my parents don't really share the same enthusiasm and ambition. Within my family, I am one of the only women with a university degree, much less one with the intentions of pursuing higher education. I just...I love learning so much and challenging myself and knowing that I am capable of doing so and I hate that what I would consider successes to be so diminished by nearly everyone in my family. I understand that money is always an issue with paying for school but I am recieving a decent stipend for my master's program that can pay off a significant portion of my student loans if I wanted to. If I find a good Phd program that would also pay for school too.
I don't know.

I'm just so so angry that it took me so long to appreciate learning and that I could have recieved a proper education in those critical years (also yknow, being properly socialized and having friends), and I'm angry that my dreams aren't really being respected by my family, especially my mother. I get eye-rolls and "sure, buddy'd" a lot when I express my interests in stuff like engineering and physics and biology and outer space and i just feel part of me dying inside all over again.

I feel like I have just begun living life, but I have no idea what to do. My parents think that I turned out fine and that the only reason why I'm interested in learning is because I was homeschooled and that when I was a kid the other public school kids were all stupid or ignorant compared to me. Ironically, being homeschooled was one of the reasons why I am currently so determined to continue higher education. Because I didn't learn shit while I was homeschooled.

Anyways, if you're reading this and are currently homeschooled, please know it does get better. I am so much happier now than I have ever been before despite my grievances. I've developed long lasting friendships, have improved greatly in socializing, and like I said, don't plan on stopping my education any time soon :)

tldr: homeschooled until the pandemic, went to university, made friends, want to do masters degree, grieving but happier than ever. it gets better.