u/widsithh

i’ve been obsessing lately with parallel dimensions, universes and what’s after death after a particular episode i experienced with a person who died, getting through grief i started thinking about astral projections and other things, i remember i stopped believing in these things after 2021, too much shit happened in my life and i don’t believe in manifesting, i’m a rational person unfortunately and i think it exists but not everything can happen especially in the capitalistic world we live in, our dreams are often cut by our system (and on purpose)
so two days ago i woke up, checked the time, 4:44, i check the likes on my post 444, checked the time 12:22 (don’t know if it counts) like what the hell is happening? i didn’t even think about the universe and manifesting i didn’t even think about these numbers to start seeing them more you know? Then what the hell is happening lol, i kept dreaming about weird stuff too, like two moons, my dog who had a doppelgänger and i was weirded out in this dream because he was just sitting there watching me. Well all weird stuff i stopped seeing when in 2021/22 i stopped believing in these things because i thought you only see them because you just notice them more. 🫪
Also i doubt i’m being in the right path since i’ve been depressed and at home for a while (searching for a job) in general my life has been miserable lol and everyone talks about being in the right path, but i didn’t even think about any path i just obsessed over these things (and i shouldn’t because my mental health isn’t the best rn)

To this day, i still don’t know what that was. My mom was driving, my grandma was in the front seat (she is usually never there but for some reason she was this time, i don’t remember why but it has happened maybe 2 times in my life, because she absolutely hate that seat) and I was in the back seat with my ex best friend. We were going out for some shopping because the school year was about to start, in 2018, I was 16. It happened in like a blink of an eye, i’ve never seen a incident in my entire life. So this little car (it’s an European car called smart, I’ve never seen that in america or other place, just here in Italy, so I describe it for this reason.) violently goes against this huge truck, and the car flips over, papers flew out of the car windows, it was a total mess. Everyone immediately slows down, my mom too. She then moves and start getting into the traffic again, we were a little bit distant, I turned around, my ex best friend didn’t. I was shocked by what had just happened, so I had to see even if we had to leave because a lot of cars stopped by to call an ambulance. I turned around and I saw what left me speechless. I looked up, there was 0 smoke coming from the car, but I looked up at the sky, and there was this weird shadow, completely black. It didn’t have a form, but I remember it looked like it was trying to grab something, it was moving very fast. Like it was struggling. I remember this scene like something UNREAL. To this day, it’s something a few people get, and they just dismiss me saying i was probably shocked. Maybe, who knows. I don’t tell this event to many people, because they usually don’t get it. And who blames them i don’t either. I never in my life experienced paranormal things, especially this vivid. Did someone else experience this?

i sometimes skip breakfast, and when i eat at lunch (usually some brown bread with cream cheese or eggs) i always get this weird tachycardia like i have when i used to introduce too much high glycemic food, is it common? does someone else experience this too?

there are some days in which i have a sexual drive, especially as a woman when i’m near my period, more than when i’m ovulating tbh, but yk sometimes i feel like this but most of the times i feel bored, i see sex like this overrated thing that people do and blabla, connecting with a soul blabla, all of this to me it’s extremely boring, but i still don’t know, sometimes i see hot guys and i’m like wow u got it yeah, i see hot women and i’m like damn you are beautiful, and sometimes i see both of them as like npcs, idk how to explain it, like those stock photos of people… and i’m not attracted to them, they are just there. I already know i’m aromantic, but i never identified as asexual because my body betrays me, or better, biology does it for me. I know you can be asexual and still feel it, but i find it more comfortable to not identify as asexual because i wanted to be 100% sure, if i feel like this, like i have no interest in sex, but sometimes i get horny, i can still identify as asexual?
I always felt judged by the lgbtq community because it’s strict over there, they be like girl you are just a boring person, you are not discriminated for not liking sex, and i think about it and i’m like maybe you are right…. but as a woman my value is always judged by my sex life. If i have 0 sex i need to catch a djck because wow wtf are u doing u are wasting your life!!! and if i have ton of sex i’m a sl*t, so it’s just internalized aphobia!?
Will i ever be free?
Idk, i’m really tired tho sorry for the confusion here