u/wings31

Im stuck in a situation and am trying to figure out if I am over reacting to this or if I have a right to feel betrayed.

 

My girlfriend of two years and I have a fabulous relationship. We are very much happy – happier than any couple I know after years of being together. But, with anything there are a few flaws/issues.

 

My g/f is not the best communicator. She is very private with her life – especially her past – and you have to pry information out of her. She was married for over a decade to someone who was abusive, didnt care about her feelings so is completely closed off, and single with no serious relationship for many years after that. I am her first serious relationship since.

 

A few months into our relationship my g/f was talking about concerts and she said she went to go see her favorite artist in a city she travels to for work sometimes. ***This was 1 year prior to us being in a relationship*** I was like that’s cool, who did you go with? There was an obvious panic on her face and she said she went alone and it clearly wasn’t the case.

 

Fast forward a few months, conversation comes up again about concerts. I mentioned its cool she went to that show alone (clearly fact checking on my part). She said she needed to come clean, that she actually went with a co worker from that office. I asked was it a date? She said no not really a date, but they went together. I asked did anything happen? She said they made out, it was a one time thing, she regrets it happened, she was a bit drunk, she was embarrassed by it that she did this with someone at work, and it means nothing and nothing ever happened after it.

 

Ok, cool. You got drunk and made out with a guy – no biggie. Not sure why the white lie, but whatever.

 

Fast forward a few more months – she needs to take a trip to that office again for a few days. She will be in a small group (less than 10), there will be meetings, dinner, and probably a drink or two as a group. I have a conversation about boundaries and ask a few questions like – has he texted or contacted you at all to get together? She says absolutely not. I ask if you are all out in a group and he asks to go get a drink just you two would you go – she says absolutely not that it is nothing like that, not to worry.

 

This trip comes and goes, nothing happens, no need to panic, we move on, everything is great. I honestly believe her that this is nothing, I 100% believe that she would never do anything to harm our relationship.

 

Fast forward 1 year. My g/f travels a lot for work. She is gong 2-3 times a month for 2-3 days a stretch for work. She travels all over the US. She is very busy on these trips but there is always client dinners, a drink or two and fancy hotels.

 

I have small issues with trust so these trips are kind of hard for me sometimes. My g/f is very pretty with big boobs that I think most men would find attractive. She claims she has never been hit on and is very nose down to work on these trips. I find that a bit hard to believe but whatever.

 

We get on the subject of her trips this weekend and somehow in a round about way the guy from above comes up and it is discovered that he is on most of her trips. So since the beginning of our relationship at least two dozen or so times they have been on a 2-3 day trip together.

 

My g/f plays this off as absolutely nothing. That they are never alone that he’s just some dork she kissed a year before we met and that its nothing to worry about. For me, I see it as a betrayal of our trust that it was never mentioned in the various conversations about this or just in her trips in general that it was never brought up he is with her.

 

My #1 fear in our relationship is something happening on her trips. Now all I can do is replay her trips and insert him into the picture and feel like an idiot that I was just sitting here naïve to that fact. Ive told her it’s a shitty way to feel and that I feel she withheld this information and our trust has taken a big hit.

 

She is very remorseful and scared this is very damaging to us. 

 

I really don’t know if im making too much of this or if I have a right to feel betrayed/hurt/lied to/ etc.

Unfortunately there are few more trips lined up that, yes, they will be together on.

 

I know she didn’t do anything with him or anyone else on these trips and I keep telling her its not about thinking she cheated on me, it’s the dismissal of this information and the feeling that she hid something from me and betrayed my trust.

 

I really don’t know if im making too much of this and don’t want to involve our friends or anyone like that to ask. So, what do you think?