u/winterfall299

I sent The Text. I know you guys understand which one. She can either change or leave my life. But I hate this all consuming guilt I have just by enforcing my boundaries and not letting her walk all over me. It’s so stupid to feel this way. I hate that I feel awful because I’ve finally said my peace after years of excusing her abuse but I’m so heartbroken just knowing that she’ll be devastated by this message. I’m a people pleaser. I can’t help it. This guilt is eating me up and idk what to do. I just want to hug her and tell her I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I love her but I can’t live a lie anymore. How the hell do I put my feelings first this time? Even now she’s forcing me to think about her first.

For background, I went to uni twice for undergrad - once for business, then dropped out and moved over to computer science a couple of years later. My family aren’t exactly the most accepting of change, being the type to believe you have to stick with the things you’re handed in life and that not everything can be the way you want. For them, switching degrees was a big deal and they tried many times to dissuade me from going to uni at all again. I went and did a masters after my undergrad but had to leave because of illness. Now, I realise I never was happy with any of my choices in the past decade. I lost my passion for tech completely, especially having seen the AI landscape change so much in such a short space of time. I’ve become really depressed with my choices because I knew in my second year of computer science that I hated my degree and the field of tech, but I was worried about leaving uni again so stuck it out. What I’ve always wanted to work with was drug development. Every project I did with uni was focused on some kind of health application, and now I have the opportunity to go back to study pharmacology part time. I REALLY want to do this. However, every time I think about it I get so much anxiety about telling my family. I’m not a very confrontational person and I do admit I’ve let them walk all over me for a lot of my life. But I’m 27, and it’s about time I stop letting fear of rejection stop me from making the decisions I want to. Life is too short to be unhappy. I’m thankful I have a very supportive partner helping me through this but I hate the face that I know I won’t have the support of anyone else in my life. I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience and if there’s any advice they could give on how to navigate this? Sorry this is so long-winded!