u/wockqueefa

I 21f have been dating my 22m bf for almost two years now. he had a decent job when we got togethe, everything was split almost equally. then he got fired from his job, took him over 3 montgs to get another, saying he would doordash but never would (I’d have to force him after I was done with work and help) and he’d only make like $15 then spend it on food or weed. his car got repossessed since he stopped paying for it (I didn’t know). and i ended up having to pay three grand to get it back, and he was going to pay me back, that was almost a year ago now & he still owes me $650. he still spends all his money on weed, food or concerts. I’m not the breadwinner, realistically we make the same amount but he never has any money to provide anything. it gets so exhausting. i buy all the food, gas, dates. i literally paid for us to go out on my birthday. he always complains how he has no money but will spend $100 on a shirt. idk if im ask for advice or just ranting. but will it ever get better

back story 2023/24 I got diagnosed with chs, went to the ER 10 times. I quit for about a month & started graduly smoking again. Well fast forward two years to the last two weeks, it’s back & I had my worst episode. Zofran wasn’t workin, was up for 4 days straigh, shaking uncontrollably. Panic attack. nothing the ER could do helped. I was genuinely going to die, & I’m still going through somethings.
Now i have this boyfriend who doesn’t believe in chs, talking about I’ll be able to smoke agai but i don’t ever want to take that chanc, even tho i miss it so much. But I don’t think i can be with someone who smoke, especially all the time like him. I’ve been sleeping on the couch for a week because he either smells like weed, just smoked in our room, or actively hits the cart when we’re cuddling. I don’t know what to do but this almost killed me & I can’t be around someone who’s using my doc all the time. I’ve been so depressed and alone these past two week, crying all day, I have no energy to get off the couch. I asked him to stop & he said “it’s all I have” it was all i had to & it almost killed me. Am i being selfish or what because I can’t take this anymore.

the last two weeks I’ve been going through some serious health issues, caused by cannabis. ”CHS” I had one of the worst cases they have seen & could’ve died. I’m still going through all the pain and anxiety. he keeps downplaying it saying “you’ll be able to smoke again” and other stuff like that, but I wont be able to & I never want to feel like that again (it was rlly bad i was up for 4 days straigh, couldn’t eat, lost 20lbs, uncon shakin) him continuing to smoke might be a dealbreaker for me, everytime I see him I feel physically sick because I know he’s high, or he smells like weed, or he’s hitting a cart right in front of me. I haven’t been abke to go in my room for days. I’ve been sleeping on the couch. it feels so inconsiderate, I am struggling so bad. I tried to ask him to stop and he said “it’s all i have I can’t stop” but it was all I had too and almost killed me.