It hurts when I (31m) cancel plans with my gf (37f) because I'm burnt out, and she responds by focusing on her frustration
I'm 31 with autism, dating a 37-year-old woman. Overall we have a great relationship and communicate really well, but there's a recurring pattern that's been bothering me.
Twice now, I've been in a bad enough place that I had to cancel plans with her to take care of myself.
I'm talking full burnout: can't eat, can't get out of bed, can't shower, angry at everything.
I do therapy and take medication, and I take responsibility for my mental health. But sometimes work and life just pile up, and there's no way to be fully present in everything.
Both times I've been honest with her about what I was going through, her first reaction was to focus on her own frustration. How she was upset, how she'd already made plans around our plans.
I get it. I'd probably feel frustrated too. But when I'm already at rock bottom, the last thing I need is someone adding more weight to carry.
I want to listen to what she feels and has to say, but I don't need to feel even more useless just when I feel like shit. I never chose to be born neurodivergent or in a world where you have to work yourself to dust to have economic stability. I don't want pity, it's only that it's hard for me too, you know.
I'm not asking her to come over and take care of me, cook for me, or even comfort me. Just to acknowledge what I'm going through and not make it worse.
What really stings is feeling punished for being honest. I want a relationship where I can be open about how I'm feeling, and right now being open leads to her being visibly upset with me. It makes me want to just hide it next time, which is the opposite of what I want.
Has anyone navigated something like this? Is this something worth bringing up directly, or am I being unreasonable?
TL;DR: I have autism and burnout. Twice I've canceled plans with my girlfriend because I was genuinely unable to function. Both times she responded by focusing on her own frustration instead of acknowledging what I was going through. I'm not asking for much, just basic recognition. But being honest with her makes me feel punished, and I don't know how to handle it.