u/worncassette

Spoilers for SH are covered. I had to get this out of my system because I’m so excited for the new books and I’m so hopeful we’ll be getting the amazing love story we’ve been waiting for!!!

Azriel has suffered tremendous abuse during his life, most of it at the hands of people who should have loved and protected him. As a result he is deeply wounded and carries intense feelings of worthlessness. In addition to his childhood trauma, his job of torturing the NC’s enemies i.e. doing the NC’s “dirty work” has also left him feeling tainted. His self-esteem is basically non-existent and this manifests not only in his self loathing thoughts, but in his disregard for his safety, and now, as has been revealed in the SH preview, >!his disregard for his actual body — Azriel thinks to himself that he wouldn’t care if he lost his wings.!< 

This set up leads readers to believe his character journey will be one of healing and self acceptance. That in order for him to grow into the person he is destined to become he will learn to love and accept himself. I fully believe this to be the case and I also believe that Azriel’s healing journey has already been inextricably linked to one character and one character alone. 

In The Begining

When Elain first meets Azriel in ACOMAF she doesn’t balk from him despite the fact that she has been instructed her entire life to hate and fear the fae. She engages him in conversation, asking him about flying and, unbeknownst to her, that subject touches upon one of Azriel’s deepest wounds. Azriel was not allowed to fly as a form of abuse and eventually when he did learn, the experience was frightening. Curiously, Azriel doesn’t respond poorly to this question. He is open, poetic even in his response, as if Elain is able to draw out a different side to this normally taciturn male even upon first meeting. I think it was intentional on SJM’s part that Elain broached a subject tied to Azriel’s past trauma; knowingly or unknowingly Elain is drawn to parts of Azriel that are wounded or that he may try to keep hidden. 

Keeping up with this theme, Elain is also the only character, on page, to make a remark about Azriel’s hands/scars to Azriel himself. It’s still early on in their relationship but unlike others who might shy away from his hands or who might look at him with pity Elain simply says, “beautiful”. This again shows a draw to some painful part of Azriel’s past and she displays total acceptance. Throughout the text Azriel’s behavior indicates that he’s ashamed of his hands (hiding them, being hesitant to touch other people) but Elain’s simple, one word observation is a monumental rejection of that shame. To her, he is beautiful and she wants him to know it. 

As She Sees Him He Sees Her 

I think one aspect of Azriel’s healing journey will be learning to see himself clearly, through the eyes of love.  Specifically he will be transformed through the act of being loved fiercely and he will come to see himself as his partner sees him. As established, Elain is able to see Azriel and accept him even when others may not. In the same way, Azriel is able to see Elain. He trusts her with truth-teller, believing in her strength when she is normally coddled by those around her. He was the first person to realize that Elain is a seer when everyone else assumed she was mad. SJM often likes her couples to be mirrors of one another (CC spoilers >!Hunt’s declaration to Bryce “you are my mirror” is one extremly on the nose example!<) their struggles reflect one another and their needs also reflect one another. Azriel cannot see himself clearly and other people cannot see Elain clearly. Through Azriel’s eyes Elain’s true power becomes clear to everyone else. I suspect that through Elain’s eyes Azriel’s true worth will become clear to him.

“You believe you deserve to be her mate?” - A question that MUST be answered.

In the bonus chapter SJM went to great lengths to paint Azriel as conflicted by his feelings for Elain because they are at war with his feelings of worthlessness. To him, she is something good and wonderful, she is “the sun at dawn” and he’s terrified that his mere touch will taint her. He is drawn to her, losing sleep over her, but he does not think he is good enough for her. Despite these feelings, the most deeply embedded beliefs he has about himself, he purses her anyway. He ignores the parts of himself that are screaming at him, telling him he’s worthless and says ‘damn it all I’m doing it anyway’ because he wants her that badly. 

Of course, they’re interrupted by Rhys, but what follows is not a thematic interruption to what was established at the beginning of the chapter, but instead a continuation of the exploration of Azriel’s feelings of worthlessness. This culminates in one crucial question. Rhys very pointedly asks Azriel, “You believe you deserve to be her mate?” Not “Do you really think this is a good idea” or “Why are you doing this when she has a mate?” SJM has Rhys address Azriel’s core character wound explicitly and he demands an answer. It is therefore very, very revealing that Azriel doesn’t answer his question. He dodges, changing the subject by saying “I think Lucien doesn’t deserve her and she doesn’t want him anyway.” The conversation moves on. But, the bell has been rung. Narratively the question cannot go unanswered. 

As readers we know what Azriel’s answer would be; we’ve been privy to his thoughts and his fears this entire bonus chapter. He believes that the answer is “No, I don’t deserve to be her mate.” But we as readers also know that Azriel is still at the beginning of his journey. When Elain chooses him, when she fights for him, when she declares her love for him, then and only then will he come to understand that he does deserve to be with her. If Elain were to choose Lucien and ultimately reject Azriel or if he were to end up with another character we would still get a narrative/thematic answer to this question but the answer would be “no you don’t deserve her”. It would narratively affirm that all his worst fears and most self loathing thoughts are true! I find it extremely difficult to believe this is the answer SJM will give us. The question was asked, it was tied to Elain specifically, and it touches on Azriel’s deepest wound— there is no way around it. It needs to be answered.

Full Circle: They Will End As They Began

Now that we’ve had a peek at the beginning of SH >!it’s safe to say Azriel will be one of the main upcoming POVs. This aligns with the fact that his character arc has just begun. He needs narrative focus in order for his story to commence. It also makes sense that this opening chapter re-established the themes that were addressed in the bonus chapter. Azriel is being somewhat reckless (because he doesn’t have concern for his own well being), he is being hard on himself and pushing himself physically to endure brutal conditions, and his internal monologue runs along a similar vein as to the bonus chapter— specifically his disregard for his wings reads like another manifestation of his incredibly low self esteem. We also learn that Azriel has never let anyone see “the full hideous scope” of his shadows. It’s a Chekov’s gun of a detail planted by SJM that will surely come into play later on.!< 

At this point in the story, we are primed to experience Azriel’s healing journey, a journey that has been linked with Elain since the moment he met her. There is no other character that has so many interactions with Azriel that tie directly to his core character wounds, no other character who has addressed those wounds to Azriel himself and accepted him fully, and no other character who has been linked explicitly in the text to the deepest darkest questions in his heart “Do I truly deserve the things I desire? Am I worthy of love?”

Elain has looked at Azriel and never shied away. She saw his scars and called him beautiful. She has never moved away from his touch, but only into it. I believe Elain is the answer. Elain’s love is the YES to Azriel’s as yet unanswered character question—am I worthy? She is the one who sees him, who will love him, and she is the one who will fight for him. No other character has been set up in this way, has been tied to him this way, and I believe no other character could give him what he needs to complete his arc and learn to heal through love. 

Your favorite fragrances or layering combos that are irresistible but subtle enough to smell like a natural scent. You smell delicious but also people might second guess if you’re wearing anything at all or if you just naturally smell that good! Like if someone who isn’t familiar with perfumery ran into you their mind wouldn’t jump into perfume they would just leave the encounter thinking you smell great (possibly only on a subconscious level? We are going for subtle here!). I want to smell like an amazing smelling person basically not a specific flower or a donut.

“Come home Elriel! 💙🩷”
“SJM bring them home!!”
“I can’t wait for Elriel to come home 🌸🦇”

I’ve seen this phrase echoed across social media and I’m very curious about its origins. I think it’s such a sweet and special catchphrase for the Elriel fanbase and every time I see it in a TikTok or Tweet it immediately brings to mind the faith this fanbase has that Elriel will find each other and the excitement we share collectively for their journey home both figuratively and literally into our bookcases 😂

That being said, I’ve been in many, many, many! fandoms and I’ve never seen this phrase before. Does anyone know how/where it started? It’s such a common refrain but also feels very exclusive to Elriel because I’ve quite literally never seen it anywhere else. I’ve mostly been in anime fandoms before ACOTAR, so I thought maybe I was just unfamiliar with bookish ship conventions, but I haven’t seen this specific phrase used for any other ACOTAR ship. I’m curious if any of you have insight into this particular piece of fandom lore; why is this phrase so common in our fandom? Regardless, I can’t wait for Elriel to come home 💙🩷🌸🦇