u/writerrani

After the recent Pune murder of a young man ,do you think Indian parents will stop pushing women and young girls into arranged marriages? In this case the girl is only 19 and her parents were forcing her to marry a 26 year old man against her wishes.

What she did was absolutely wrong and no one should be killed like this , but her parents should not have forced marriage like this. More so when she was not even 20 and was seeing someone else.

Will Indian families , even if out of fear , start respecting their daughters no now ? Or will such forced matches continue the way they always have?

I’m a vegetarian and I grew up in a family which doesn’t even consume eggs. But I’ve been taught from a young age that food eaten by anyone should not be looked down upon. Ever. As a 6-7 year old kid I had made a face when someone was eating fish and the dressing down I got from my mother is literally imprinted in my soul. lol !

This new bs of ‘pure veg’ and vegetarians looking down upon others makes my blood boil. I’ve seen people keep separate utensils in their own homes if one person of the family eats non veg and I’ve called out their stupidity and bigotry. Thankfully my husband is a non vegetarian and loves to cook so he makes excellent food for our friends and also great vegetarian variations for me. There are others in my family now - spouses of siblings etc - who eat non veg and no one has a problem.

This rubbish of being food police and dictating who can eat what annoys me to no end.

The only time you should see what someone has on their plate is if their plate is empty & you refill it. Otherwise eat your food and mind your own business and no you can’t make faces as someone eats fish or mutton or chicken. If you are doing that you’re a child trapped in an adults body.

So dear fellow vegetarians stop behaving like pricks. If you don’t want to eat something don’t but please don’t police others or make faces or do bigoted shit. It’s not a good look for the rest of us.

Women are often told by their own families and husbands family that living with in laws is the right thing to do. Please take a firm stand and say no when that choice arises. Ask for a separate home and don’t live with in laws and be firm about it from day one. If the man says no do not marry him.

Men will tell you that their parents are very nice and open minded, which they are to their own sons but they will always treat you differently. The expectations they will have from you will be vastly different from what they expect from their son. If you do get married and later want to move out they will call you a home breaker. Their son will be a victim and you will be the monster.

And logically when you are an adult and choose to marry you should have your own space to have sex with your husband and to fight with your husband, to cook your own meals and to come and go as you please.

Please DO NOT fall for the joint family trap. Men will tell you their mothers also left their homes to live like this , but their mothers suffering need not be yours too. In fact learn from the suffering of earlier generations and become independent.

I’ve seen plenty of women getting worn down by their in laws and their husbands either go mute or refuse to stand up for their wives. Women who were once independent, fiesty and brilliant become a diluted version of themselves. So live separately , pay rent if you have to and be at peace.

Men who want you to be acquired by their parents as a new branch of a firm are not worth it. Be independent and live freely.

P.s there will be women who have had positive experiences living with in laws and that’s fine. But I truly feel that an adult should live on their own and build their own lives. Even living with own parents after a certain age stunts your growth. And men who can’t become their own people are a massive red flag for me.