Nothing like doing some scrolling through all the bullish posts again. We deserve this. We have been working for this. Have been a quiet summer, as it always is. Now it’s time for getting back to work frens 🐸
(25M) I’ve seen dozens of men talk about this same issue, but I’d like to share my own experience. Basically, it’s about approaching the opposite gender (in my case, men approaching women). Deep down, I genuinely want to do it — to walk up to a girl I find attractive and say something like “Hey, how’s it going?” or whatever excuse to start a conversation. But I just can’t. I freeze up.
I see myself as a fun, interesting person with clear goals and a healthy circle of friends. My biggest problem is the fear of rejection, plain and simple. I’ve thought about it a thousand times — nothing really happens if I get rejected. Life goes on, I lose nothing, things stay the same, or maybe even get better if I make new connections. But still, I’m unable to approach and talk to a girl I don’t know.
The thing is, I don’t consider myself shy. When it comes to talking to guys, I don’t care at all. I can also make small talk or start conversations with girls I’m not attracted to without any problem — say something random, chat for a bit, and move on like nothing happened. But when it’s a girl I do find attractive, I turn into a completely different person. I freeze, sweat, get really nervous, and it frustrates me a lot because that’s not who I really am.
I’d love to change this, but I don’t know how. I’ve talked about it with friends and they tell me to just go for it — that I’m missing out on a lot of opportunities because of this. But what can I do? I can’t really explain the mental block I get, but it’s strong. I’d rather just make eye contact and build stories in my head than approach her and risk rejection. I overthink everything — way too much. Why? I don’t know. That’s just how I feel, but I’d really like to change my perspective somehow.
Life goes by, and with it, opportunities. I genuinely want to meet someone, but with this behavior, I doubt I’ll find anyone. I’m not a very confident person either, which probably makes things worse. Some days I think I look good, other days not so much. I’d say I’m average. Some people tell me I’m attractive — usually when I talk about this topic — but part of me feels like they just say it to boost my confidence rather than because they actually mean it.
How can you tell when a girl is open to being approached? Eye contact doesn’t seem like a good enough reason. Even if it happens several times, I end up overthinking it and telling myself that I’m not the center of the universe and this "interactions" are just usual for everyone else, that she’s probably not interested, and I just let the opportunity pass because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
I’ve also tried dating apps — been on them for a while (honestly, bullshit). I’ve talked to many girls, but only met a few in person, and nothing really came of it. On my part, it never feels like the right way to meet someone. I believe those things should happen naturally, while doing something you genuinely enjoy. I don’t feel a real connection with most of the girls I meet through apps. Some seem interesting, but I’ve grown tired of that kind of superficial connection.
Anyway, I’d really like to hear other people’s thoughts on this.