A little bit of a dilemma deciding to audition for wind ensemble
My bands wind ensemble auditions were in april and i didn’t don’t them primarily because i didn’t have time due to other classes that i cared about more, and don’t get me wrong i love wind ensemble music but there’s a couple of things that kept me from auditioning. before i tell you that, recently my band director asked why i didn’t audition. it caught be really off guard considering it was during class and i just said i didn’t have time and i don’t feel like im that good of a player (both very true). he said we’d continue the conversation later, so a few days after after school i went up to him and i had a whole conversation planned in my head abt why i didn’t join.. surprise surprise it didn’t go as planned. he immediately just says if i learn part of the solo and some of the scales he’ll let me audition before the end of the year. that caught me even more off guard so now saying the reasons i didn’t audition just felt out of place and the way the conversation was going, it felt like my reasons had become totally invalid and frankly, stupid. i told him i was just worried because i didn’t know how hard the music could be and didn’t want that to interfere with my classes and he said i would be fine. afterwards i did cry lol just because it ended up stressing me out rlly bad, especially because even tho i didn’t, it felt like i had gotten pressured/forced into auditioning when my mind was already set for months that i wouldn’t and id be in concert band next year. i want to do the audition mainly for my own validation, being able to know im good enough of a player for it which i see is very selfish. now to the reasons i didn’t, i don’t really like some of the people in my section which is a given i feel like (i play trumpet), i am passionate about music but i feel like some people are more than me and try to push that onto me or sometimes i feel judged because im not, simply because i care more about my academics and from most to least classes id like to worry about, band is the absolute least. i love band a lot, pls dont get me wrong. sometimes i feel like i get looked down on by my peers even tho that could be far from the truth, and idk its a lot and very little at the same time… and yes i understand these sound like excuses!! hence why my mind was made up in the first place about not joining because i knew i just kept making stupid reasons. i want to play the music, i want to audition, its really just the class. i dont want band to cause me the same stress a class like math would. there are some other reasons, but they’re rlly small and lowkey dumb so i wont list them on here. i hope that makes sense guys i apologize i realize now many of you might just say then dont join because you made this long ahh paragraph about it
any advice? should i just do it and see how it goes? (i’m almost sure i might do this, but i needed an outside opinion/perspective.)