u/ydaya

What are your opinion on this? Let me be clear. Not transracial. Not international. Trans ethnic or trans nationality (if that makes sense). For example an Irish descent family adopting an italian descent person? I think it has specific nuances as well but I have not seen much on this specific topic. White is not a monolith. Asian is not a monolith. Black is not a monolith. Latino is not a monolith. I know of a well to do Colombian woman who adopted girls of Mexican descent and something about that pisses me off because she justifies it as her not being a US white so being more connected. Mexico and Colombia are nothing alike and she knows this. It can still be saviorism even in this way or am I wrong? I cant give details but something like this happened to me and i was told to hide my reality and that really affects my relationship with that group of people as a whole as I absolutely do not like their culture at all and do not feel connected to it. Never have and never will. As I have gotten older I look more like who i am biologically (granted I was raised in various environments including my original and connected) but all being minorities is not a guarantee of good outcome!! Not even APs being the same ethnic/racial group as the person they adopt is enough. It all sucks but what do you all think of this specifically?

In my lower level course this semester (Social Sciences) the students have no exams. No midterm. No final. Just4, 2-4 page essays with a specific prompt all graded with the same rubric and expectations and 3 group 1 page activities that are much lighter and are worth way less. As I read the instructions for the final one I asked if students had any questions pertaining to the assignment and one raised her hand "why do we have to write so much if this is just an under grad course". Mind you, a few weeks ago the same student complained that I required citations. With regards to the rest of the workload, for readings I never assign more than 40 pages per week (we meet twice a week)

I find that question ans approach so incredibly disrespectful. I tried to carefully respond back and remind them that the expectations were clearly laid out on the syllabus since the first day of class and they remained in the course which means that they agreed to the parameters of the course. The assignments directly correlate to the learning objectives as well.

A few semesters ago I had a student ask me "oh but why cant you just assign a multiple choice test?" (Mind you it was online 100%)

I cannot believe the entitlement of some students. It is mind boggling. Has it always been this way? I have never once in all of my years as a student from undergraduate up until grad school questioned a professors assignments especially when they coincide with the objectives of the course. Some teaching styles I liked some I did not.

Crazy! Now I am not above criticism as an educator but this is just wild to me. I remember taking courses where I was expected to do a reflection every week, a midterm, a final and a research paper. Should I lower my expectations? The rest of the students made no complaints and even thanked me for the course.

TLDR: student complains that they have to write for undergraduate course.

You know...to give them another chance... so that they do not fail, because they are "learning". I wont waste your time writing a long drawn out story here but I find this practice so incredibly problematic. I teach at a public university and this is what they have asked of me. It leaves me with a lot of work and then if the student is on their way to graduate they nag to no end about their grades when you have about 200 other assignments that were handed in on time to evaluate. (Our university allows them one more semester to resolve the incomplete). So if someone in December got an incomplete, here we are in May with them turning in their missing assignments which piles on more work.

I am still young in this field so here is where my question comes into play:

What kind of ways do you all think I could enforce boundaries with these types of students since administration asks that I give these opportunities to students even though they turn in AI slop? (Humanities) what could I do to alleviate stress regarding these situations?

Thank you in advance. Please do not tell me to find work somewhere else as it is impossible for me right now and beyond this aspect that I have shared here, I enjoy where I work and everything has gone well for me. THANKS!!

If yes, how? I am on a journey committed to this but as you should be aware our situation is quite specific. I have anxious attachment disorder. I have read success stories in other groups but the adopted experience is different so I would like to hear from people here if possible. Thank you.

It sucks. I do not know what else to say. It just sucks. It sucks belonging to no one. I sucks that your adoptive family tries to force you to belong despite their abuse. It sucks that even though you are able to get great relationships you do not know how to manage them because you have the abandonment wound. I am coming to terms with that I just cannot find happiness in a life like this and it is truly devastating because I do have much else to live for: career success and friends. If you have some how figured out how to navigate the grief of wanting to be able to hug the mom you deserved but not being able to please please please help me. I am so depressed over it. Please.

First time posting here. I might delete this later just because I feel sad about this. Long story short: for years while I would talk to my mom on the phone she would always some how sarcastically mention how me and my sister needed to talk and that I needed to be the bigger person. She always made it my fault because I am 2 years older and it should be my responsibility. I live far away. 7 hours by a plane. I tried to communicate but the responses I would get from her would always be passive aggressive or nothing and I was getting uncomfortable of it. She would only reach out to me if our mother forced her to. Warning: English is my second language. I ask you for patience.

Back story my mother was VERY physically abusive to me. She would leave bruises on my body. One time she put me in a trunk of the car when I was 8 because I accidentally dropped a carton of eggs and some broke. She tried to get rid of me several times even went to court but that was too hard of a process. She would lock me out of the house and anytime we would go somewhere supposedly as a family she would never wait for me I would go outside and they would be gone. It destroyed me because I was only a child. I would cry left out of the house many time until a neighbor see me and she would make me come to her house and stay with her and her children. She gave me food. I felt so good there. My sister did not receive this treatment from my mother ever. I am an adult but I know this affect me because when my friends are like "hurry up with your make up" when we want tk go out I get triggered and thinking they will leave me which is so dumb bc they say it as a joke.

At one point with my aunt my sister and her organized a surprise bday party for my mom and did not tell me of it. I arrived to the party because I happened to be with my mom and I found out with her but I never told her. She found out because she read my diary. This hurt my 14 year old spirit. I became sui..dal because I did not feel like I was being cared for by anyone.

Fast forward many years. I am doctor successful at my career. My sister got married she even had the nerve to text me that she was getting married but she did not invite me to the wedding and never ever let me know who the husband is. I do not even know of the husband name. They had a child and I do not know of the child either. I have never seen him and it is 2 years he was born. After this wedding drama I cut her off because I felt this is one sided. My mother would justify it by saying "well some people are only meant to be in your life for short time" which I agree but we are talking about someone I was raised with. Which I know does not matter. I follow some religious things at times for peace not as fanatic or something crazy and I would speak of it and my mother would say "is there any prayers for my kids to speak" she would say it harshly until I told her that the problem was her and if she continued to blame me I would not continue to speak.

When the pandemic came I felt intense relief bc I could not travel to see them. I stopped even after and use work as an excuse but the truth is just the thought of going back destroys me.

I have forgiven my mother for her abuse of me and I still remain in distant contact via phone. She does sometimes help me if I have an issue (I do not need it though). Her personality is very dry and not emotionally stable so I have the boundaries I think are best. Today we spoke and I could hear my sister child in the back screaming and I said she should take care. She then said "oh it is whatever. By the way she is pregnant again". And I said "ok how far along" "oh she told us like 3 weeks ago". It just reinforced my exclusion I believe. I am not surprised of her lack of excitement bc when this first one was born I am thinking "how does it feel to be a grandmother" and she said "well what am I supposed to do about it". She take care of him but often let him cry without tending to the needs of the child which scares me. I do not know of raising kids but I have other mother figures with grandchildren and they are not like that at all. I am excited to have children only because they will have adoptive grandmother's that are amazing.

I feel at peace after having cut off my sister but I feel guilty about cutting off my mother. My main reason is her connection to my sister. They live in same area. My mither talk bad about her some times to me because she does not have the economic or social success that I do and it make me feel guilty too. She told me recently "thank god you aren't dumb like her I never had to do anything for you because you always had scholarship". I am very confused of this because she was physically abusive to me. She used to cut my hair because she said I thought I was better than her for it. So I do not understand her. I forgive though.

Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable with her bc of how she relates to my sister? I am very confused and any advice will be appreciated and welcomed. Thank you for taking the time to read my tragic stupid story.