r/Adopted

I have a question for all adoptees. I've got a statement that I wish were a fact or true, yet I have a strong feeling that I'm extremely wrong abt it. I'll share my thoughts later, but first, the question: Are there any adoptees out there who are extroverts, or are y'all introverts? Please let me know by saying Extrovert or Introvert, and add additional comments under the answer. Thanks.

Edit: Hello Y'all, thanks so much for answering this question. Turns out I was quite wrong... -ish. I've read all of y'all's responses, and there are abt 11 are introverts, 7 extroverts, and 5 somewhat in the middle. A few of y'all have actually touched on what my statement (or more like a theory) is. I had thought that if by being adopted had turned adoptees into introverts, no matter what they were before. If I had a massive introvert response, it would mean I was right; but I got a fair amount of all three, so I was wrong. The thing is, when I was younger, before I was adopted, I don't remember struggling with making friends, and I think I was more extroverted. Then, I got adopted and moved to the US (a completely different country); I think I got more introverted. I found it harder to make friends (even when my English was improving). And with my parents forcing me to talk to at least one fellow student a day doesn't help; frankly, I think I became more isolated because of that. I think I am definitely an introvert when it comes to new people, but an extrovert with people I know (Like some of y'all).

I’m so tired of hearing about how my mom did EVERYTHING to give me and my adopted brother a good life. She did everything. Parent teacher conference, making sure we did our homework, paying for piano lessons, church every Sunday.

means absolutely nothing when I never felt like I could talk to her about anything or even say “hey I’m sad” without getting yelled at. Or having my mental and physical health issues dismissed/untreated until adulthood because she didn’t believe in them.

good to know that the mere act of adopting someone and making sure they go to school is the pinnacle of parenting.

I’m in an adoptee-only community where someone recently mentioned wanting to become an adoptive or foster parent.

In an adoptee-only peer space, how would you feel if a member is open about wanting to become or is in the process of becoming an adoptive or foster parent themselves?

Would that change how you relate to them or how open you feel sharing your experiences?

Do you think adoptees who want to become adoptive parents should still be welcome in adoptee-only spaces, or should those spaces be exclusively for adoptees who aren't pursuing that role?

Preface: the meet up went well!!! Its been the emotional aftermath I did not expect…

I was adopted at 14 months old my uncle and his family. I was raised as one of them but always felt different. Had no relationship with biological parents. BM was my distant “aunt” my whole life and BD was not around at all. I hadnt even seen a picture of him until I almost near 30 years old.

A lot went sour with my family in recent years after losing mom, which was shortly followed by losing dad and brother. Thankfully I still have my AS.

A few years ago, a biological sister from out of state found out about me, which was a complete shock because I truly had no idea she existed. We had the same BD and she found me while trying to track him down. He died many years ago.

We’ve been in contact ever since and we actually get along really well with similar values, opinions, etc. It was such a relief!

After many failed attempts, we finally got to meet this past weekend and it was very emotional for me. I started to get very nervous the day prior, cried out of relief after our first meeting, cried again when it was time to leave, and have cried several times a day since getting back home. I cant stop staring at the pictures we took and crying because I’ve never seen anyone look like me before, and I feel an intense bond like she’s always been my little sister.

I want us to continue getting to know each other and make up for lost time but she also is not my therapist. I do not want to love-bomb/ trauma bond because she feels familiar and wants to get to know each other. I think Im just unsure of how much sharing about myself is too much.

Im also struggling with my identity, the expectations of what are relationship can/will be, fear of rejection, etc. We are two grown adults in our mid 30’s and there was no guarantee we’d like each other or that we always will. Im just taken aback by how much of a can of worms this opened emotionally. Like an inner-child wound that was larger than I thought still.

Its still going very well and Im so glad the enthusiasm for a bond is mutual, but dont know how much of these heavy emotions to share with her or not. She seems to be a lot tougher than me emotionally and I worry about being too much too soon.

I posted on this community for the first time last night, and let me just say it has been a huge weight off of my chest! So, here is another weird thought I have.

I was adopted at birth and honestly hit the adoptive parent lottery. They took me home from the hospital on day one, and have been present for me in every way imaginable. I very much consider them to be my “real” parents.

However, when I look up common characteristics of people with mommy/daddy issues, I find that I fit those stereotypes to a T. Not to mention my sexual kinks, but that’s a whole other can of worms.

Is this just a common trend among adoptees in general?

I’m specifically talking about those of us who have been with our adoptive parents our entire lives and had a healthy, supportive upbringing. I feel like if I was their bio kid, I wouldn’t be having these issues.

Throwaway account because I know this is a taboo subject, but I’m not sure where else to go.

I was adopted at birth and recently saw some photos of my half-brother for the first time. He’s only three years younger than me and is an objectively handsome guy. Like, HANDSOME handsome. I’ve found that I can’t stop staring at photos of him, but I think that’s mainly because I look a LOT like him, so I’m in shock of seeing my face on another human.

I’ve read a bit about “genetic sexual attraction,” which I think is kinda what I’m experiencing?However, I don’t feel lust for him or anything, nor do I want to engage in incest. I think the high of seeing myself in another person for the first time is so strong that it imitates the feeling of arousal. It’s like I just want to be as close to him as possible, both emotionally and physically.

Again, I don’t want to do anything incestuous, but if I saw this guy in public with NO knowledge that we were related, I’d probably be tempted to make a move. It’s really scary how this stuff happens, which is why adoptees should ALWAYS have information about who their biological relatives are.

Does anyone relate to this? Even though I have no desire to do anything weird with him, I feel really guilty.

OK, I’m just putting this out there to see if anyone else has ever felt this way.
I was adopted as a baby, and I absolutely love my mom and dad. They are my parents, and nobody could ever replace them. I truly feel blessed to have the family I have.
But at the same time, I struggle with feelings of abandonment.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I feel this way when I’ve been so loved and truly blessed with the family I have? Does anyone else who was adopted experience this? I’d really like to hear your stories or perspectives.