u/Ok-Contact8881

I always downplayed my childhood because "nothing really happened." No big event I could point to. But I stayed anxious, over-apologized, and couldn't say no to save my life.

Heard a counsellor (Sabrina Trobak) break it down in a way that reframed it for me: the problem usually isn't the event. It's the emotion you were never allowed to feel, that got pushed down and never processed. So the experience is "over," but you're still carrying the feeling, and it gets heavier over time.

A few things that stuck with me:

• People-pleasing often isn't a personality trait, it's something you learned to stay safe. Being quiet and self-sacrificing was how you kept the peace or kept love.
• You can't fix it by just deciding to "stop people-pleasing." If you don't understand why you do it, it doesn't last.
• Her actual first step surprised me: don't force yourself to speak up yet. Just notice how often you go silent, and what you feel when someone's uncomfortable. Then build a tiny voice ("I think I'll make chicken tonight" instead of "whatever you want").
• The line that got me: "In order to have a voice, you have to believe you have a right to a voice."

Posting because I know a lot of people here relate to the "nothing happened but I'm still stuck" thing.

If anyone wants the full conversation, it's the latest Untethering Shame episode with Sabrina Trobak (podcast about shame and trauma). Happy to drop the link in a comment if that's allowed here.