r/Adoption

I just discovered my Korean adoption was likely fraudulent. I don't know what to think.

I've been just recently looking at my information again to try and start the process to search for my mother. Nothing has gone according to plan.

I was born in 2007, and was adopted at eleven months old and was sent abroad to the United States. There I was basically fed the story that my mother was unwed, that she wanted me to have a better life. And I believed all of it...

...until I looked at my records closer this time.

There are multiple glaring contradictions, big red flags that are telling me I can't trust anything from my records anymore. My records claimed my grandparents abandoned her when she was little, and had no memory of them, yet her father reported her to the Korean hojuk registry in 1994, when she was 10. I'd be surprised if a 10 year old couldn't remember even something small about her father.

Then, on my Statement of Release for Adoption, my mother signed it, but the two witness spots required under Article 878, Paragraph 2 of the Korean Civil Law were entirely blank. Then later, I was appointed a guardian as an 'orphan'.

Or, the fact it says my mother has two brothers when she only had one.

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I can BELIEVE if anything on my records is true anymore.

Hello,

Long story short my son was raised by my husband by the time he was 1 and was adopted by him at 6. Bio father was in agreement of the adoption, my son is now 15 and hasn't seen bio dad since he was 2. Bio dad and I communicated from time to time up until 2020 when I began ignoring his messages (he kept being sexual with me and I was over it). He had always told me that he would tell his older son about his younger brother but I do not know for certain what he told me was true. Recently I found his older half brother on Facebook, he is nearly 18. I decided it was inappropriate for me to reach out to a minor so my plan was to wait until he was 18 to try and connect the boys and I told my son and showed him some photos and explained why it wasn'tappropriate for me to message someone else's child and bring family drama to them. Well, my son has a tiktok account and easily found his half brother there and asked me if he could reach out and I told him I felt that was up to him as he is old enough to make those decisions and it leaves me out of the equation. He sent him a message about 24 hours ago and left a comment on one of his videos. His half brother has been active most of the night and day and has not responded but did request to follow my son. My son is on the autism spectrum and doesn't understand proper boundaries and he is upset that his half brother hasn't responded and wants to continue to message him, share videos with him, etc and I have been telling him to give him time because we don't know how he feels about this. My son has very few friends, he has never had another child come to a single birthday party that he invited them to, never been to or had a friend sleep over, and is a very isolated and lonely kid. Me reaching out to their dad to see how his older brother is feeling IS an option though I don't prefer to do that. Does anyone have any advice or insight as to how he may be feeling or how I can help my son cope with this situation and the disappointment he may feel if he is rejected by his older brother?

I am borrowing a friends old account to post this, but am hoping to get some advice and perspective from others who have found themselves in situations similar to what my family is currently navigating.

Background: We were asked to adopt our child shortly after birth due to in utero drug exposure. We have known the birth family for decades and initially had a very open adoption, but unfortunately the birth mom is still in active addiction which led to a dangerous situation at our last in-person visit. We have been strictly no-contact with her ever since but have maintained contact with other members of the birth family, as we value that biological connection for our child.

Current dilemma: I recently found out through a member of the birth family that birth mom is currently in her early third trimester with a full biological sibling and, according to this family member, the birth mom might want us to adopt this baby as well. We are feeling really conflicted and overwhelmed for a number of reasons.

1. I don’t trust it. I worry that the birth mom is trying to manipulate our boundaries, that we set to keep our family safe, to gain access to our child. I’m not comfortable sacrificing my child’s safety. It also feels gross and manipulative to reinstate the relationship just to gain access to this child, I don’t want to do that.

2. If it is real, this isn’t how we saw our family growing but it feels like an incredible gift to give our child a full biological sibling who shares their story. But, if we do say yes, what happens next time and when does this end?

3. How do we do this? Do we start working to coordinate a private adoption with the birth parent now, or do we wait until the baby is born (knowing that drug use will likely continue) and work through CPS? There are also half-siblings still in the home and I struggle with the idea that stepping in privately may prevent the natural consequences that may protect them from future harm as well.

I recognize that as of right now this is all hearsay and, if we do move forward, we will eventually have to a direct conversation with birth mom to verify what she wants. I also want to be clear that should birth mom decide to seek treatment to get sober and parent this child, we fully support that and see that as a best case scenario for our child as well, we are by no means trying to take this child from her behind her back.

We, of course, plan to consult with our adoption attorney before making any moves, but would really value any general advice or perspective from adoptive parents that have been through similar circumstances, thank you in advance.

My sister-in-law (Jane) told us she was pregnant 2.5 months before the due date. We were surprised because Jane is mid-40s, diabetic, alcoholic, smoker, overweight, not in the best situation to be having a newborn, and she just met the dad-to-be (John) months before. She was very optimistic when telling us. We gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Jane went to the hospital the other week and ended up have the baby 4 weeks early. Come to find out, she had been drinking and smoking the entire time she was pregnant. This prompted an immediate investigation by CPS which revealed that the baby more than likely has fetal alcohol syndrome. John is also under fire for allowing my sister-in-law to drink and he has a long criminal/CPS history which has prevented him from having custody.

My wife and I are the only people who can or will take this baby now. Jane and John have essentially deemed their baby as not a priority. They claim they want to get sober and be parents. But given the conversations we have had with them and CPS, it looks like we will likely be the permanent parents of my niece.

My wife and I have multiple children already-some already grown, and some in elementary school. I did not want another baby. My wife did, but not like this. We were just getting comfortable with having big kids, we were growing in our careers, and starting to socialize a bit more. Regardless, we both agreed that there was no doubt we would adopt our niece.

My niece is so beautiful. She has been with us for a few days now and it is so bittersweet. This whole situation has made us feel all of the feelings at once. We love her. My kids are all so in love with her. I may not have wanted another baby but I’m glad it’s her.

2 WEEKS LATER: We met Jane and John for lunch today so they could see the baby. They treated us like we were the enemy cause we are abiding by CPS laws. Rude, entitled, and likely under the influence. They show no signs of turning around so we plan on pressing forward with full custody.

My son is 4 and has a 3-month-old biological sister in foster care in a different state. Her caseworker has shared with me that she anticipates the case going towards TPR for various reasons, but they aren’t willing to place baby sister with my family until then (unless potentially mom signs over rights or the foster family disrupts).

Of course, by then the best thing for her might be to stay with the foster family that raised her since infancy … right? Or would it?

Regardless, would you have wanted your APs to try to facilitate contact? Would you have wanted them to try to fight for her to come live with you? Or would you have preferred stability in the home you were living in?

I’m struggling with what the right thing to do is, especially because my wife and I have very different instincts but we agree that our first priority is to the child we’ve already made the commitment to. So our priority is doing what’s best for him, then baby sister, then considering what might be best for us and bio mom.

Hi,

So to start, I’ve always been interested in adopting and find myself looking at the kids every once in a while. Hoping they get adopted and I won’t see them on the site anymore. But I came across a little girl (9yo) and I fell in love with her. She looks like such a sweetheart and is only 40 minutes away from me. She’s into books and my gosh I keep checking on her.

BUT I currently have a 7 month old and a 2 year old boys. My husband and I know we want to adopt but it was more so 2030, but something about this little girl just makes me want her now. It is one sided for now given my husband thinks we have our hands full. Idk why but she just seems like the sweetest girl and I’d love to be her mom!

Anyone else run into the feeling? Am I torturing myself? Gosh so many thoughts that I can’t share with hubby

OK, I’m just putting this out there to see if anyone else has ever felt this way.
I was adopted as a baby, and I absolutely love my mom and dad. They are my parents, and nobody could ever replace them. I truly feel blessed to have the family I have.
But at the same time, I struggle with feelings of abandonment.
Sometimes I wonder, how can I feel this way when I’ve been so loved and truly blessed with the family I have? Does anyone else who was adopted experience this? I’d really like to hear your stories or perspectives.

If you could let your child's birth or adoptive mom know one thing, what would it be?

I (29f) have always had the desire to adopt. A few years ago I decided I wanted to adopt from foster care and didn’t mind doing so as a single parent. I have yet to do it, even with my strong desire to adopt, for a couple reasons. I had my own set of pre-requisites that I wanted completed before doing so (finishing school, having my own place, etc.) Now that all of that is done, I still have a thought/fear in my mind: if I choose to adopt as a single parent, is that depriving the child of a chance at a two parent household?

I know I could provide love, and care, and a good upbringing for any child I adopt, and I might not be the “perfect family “ since it’s just me and no father (I do have a large family for support). Am I overthinking?