u/ajwachs17

As a 31F adoptee, I have an extremely tumultuous relationship with authority (coaches, managers, any hierarchical structure tbh).

Idk if it’s bc I’m a Sagittarius but I value my independence and freedom so much, it’s extremely difficult for me to surrender to any form of control, social injustice, abuse of power/authority, etc. ♐️

I let authority control my sense of self-worth for the majority of my life; it’s only recently I have developed my own sense of self-worth.

Curious to hear other perspectives/observations on your relationship with authority.

Is there such a thing as a healthy relationship with authority as an adoptee?

when are we lobbying Apple for our emoji y’all

Today, I (31F) decided to purchase $200 worth of groceries to drop off at a stand-alone DIY food pantry that’s outside of this dingy arts center in my town, which is the capital of my state.

I didn’t get anything beyond the basics, though I wish I could have. Canned fruit + veggies, canned beans, Chef Boyardee, canned tuna, Vienna sausages, crackers, sandwich supplies, soups.

I got bit up by chiggers (I guess there’s muddy grass nearby) and as I was unloading the food, a 40-50 year old white dude with a bandana came up and started taking from the pile. I couldn’t even unload all of the boxed and canned goods before he just started taking things.

He took all of the jerky packs I purchased. I can’t blame him but I was disappointed.

I stopped by the pantry yesterday to drop off some donations, realized they had NOTHING but ants in there and thought I’d do a good thing today by returning with more than my discarded pantry items. A kind Black man thanked me for donating.

I’m just feeling frustrated that the people who need the most tend to ask for the least. And I’m frustrated that people in the United States go hungry. Like hundreds of thousands of people go hungry in our country every day.
They rely on the good will of Panera Bread workers to drop off bread loaves and stuff after their shift.

I wish the concept of stand-alone food pantries worked in practice, it’s just not fair when one person comes and takes a majority of the goods.

I thought I could make a difference in other people’s lives. I’m not looking for a reward or validation, I’ve already decided I’m not doing that again. I’ll simply donate to an organization already distributing food.

I feel like a bad person for being utterly annoyed with the entire situation. I’m just happy I was able to treat the chigger bites when I got home to my air-conditioned apartment.

She’s not a Dem Socialist but Heather Cox Richardson is in Maine and would be better than Susan Collins.

Thoughts??

Adult adoptees in Virginia now have the legal right to obtain their original birth certificate.

If so, what was it like? Did your peers know you are adopted?

If not, was there a particular moment when you realized that your peers wouldn’t accept, welcome or befriend you?

I didn’t have meaningful friendships in elementary school. Even though I had several friends in middle school, I didn’t feel like I actually belonged. I didn’t try to be myself, I tried very hard to conform.

I think it was around 9th grade when I realized I really didn’t feel seen by other peers unless they’d also been through some form of childhood trauma (friends who experienced a death of a parent, abuse and/or neglect, incarcerated family member, etc.).

Sometimes I wonder what meaningful friendships would have been like without having to bond via sharing traumatic experiences.

Do you ever feel depleted of or without empathy entirely if non-adoptees are experiencing hardship for the first time in their life (especially as adults)?

ie 30-somethings losing a grandparent, aunt, uncle; having to celebrate a birthday alone for the first time; moving out of your childhood home as an adult, etc.?

I (31f) remember when I lost my dad when I was 25, I had a roommate at the time (she lost her own mother at 10 years old) who responded “oh, have you never lost someone before?” and of course, I’d lost great aunts, great uncles, grandparents, and pets but I didn’t consider the loss of a parent to be the same as the loss of someone/anyone. I wondered how she could be deprived of empathy, certainly she’d understand the pain if she’d experienced something similar?

Now I know that losing parents are a way of life, it’s just what happens.

I now also understand that once you’ve been through a plethora of bullshit, it can honestly be hard to muster sympathy for someone else losing their grandmother or something.

I hope this isn’t taken the wrong way, I am just curious how being adopted has affected the empathy you give to and receive from others.