u/yellow-rain-coat

And if not, why not?

This will be a short post. I’m really burnt out and tired right now. Been in to gnosticism for a few years, but really started to focus more in the last few months.

If all that has happened was allowed to happen, what differentiates one god from the other? It seems to be as above, so below to me. The deeper I go, the more clear this answer becomes.

This world is full of suffering, control, and confusion. If gnosticism is the way out, it is extremely convoluted and confusing. Whoever “god” is, has done a terrible job at giving us a map back home.

Also want to add, I have dove in to almost every religious or spiritual practice you can imagine. This one felt right to me, but here we are. I’m not just a flaky person looking for a convenient, feel good story.

I know how dramatic it is to say something like that. But I’m genuinely wondering what the point is anymore. I work hard, I’m honest, don’t do hard drugs, sober from alcohol for a while now, I love the people close to me bigly. Been stuck living with my parents recently to help them get through a tough time financially. Car broke down almost a year ago now, walking to work every day in all elements. Worked so hard I’m now in a management position that sucks any extra life force I do have, out of me. My two best friends are on the rocks right now so I can’t even vent to them entirely. I used to tell myself the hard times would pay off, and I believed that. Now I’m not so sure, and the doubt is at an all time high. I’m worried I’m just destined for a shit life with no escape. Sure, I could abandon my family if I wanted to. But even if I did, where am I gonna go, and how? With no money saved and no vehicle. I guess I’m just hoping someone can give me a realistic nugget of optimism. Can’t hurt to try.

I guess the confession here is that I’m losing hope. And my s-ideation is in over drive. I don’t want to end it all at such a low point, but I also don’t want to fall even deeper. Sorry if this was super depressing to read. Mods can remove it if necessary.